Author HopefulOne Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 Some would say that you are responsible for how he feels. Others say you're not. I think he was creating the whole thing based on issues HE has to deal with in order to be in a close intimate personal relationship. If in fact YOU are being honest, then it's cler that his feelings were caused not by you, but by him. You can choose to help him through it but it has great potential to be very painful for you. After a while, if you're not superhuman, it can really wear you down, kill whatever love is left, and end the relationship. Jealousy is of one of two sources, fear or anger... sounds like he was scared of losing you to another. That fear can really stir up a lot of old baggage and sometimes create problems in a relationship. It can even make people say F-U! If you can stomach it, hang on for his apology. Don't ask, demand or otherwise hint that you want one. It must come from him alone. He's got to realize his mistake on his own. Only then will it be honest, and true. IMHO. And only then will it be an apology of any worth. maybe dif'rent than before... MA Thanks for your thoughts... I agree with you... and I would and have not ever asked for an apology, if you have to ask, it isn't an apology.. I am not sure that you can help someone who doesn't even think they have an issue like jealousy...... I have not heard from him still and he is a very stubborn person, when this happened ( I tried to talk to him 2 days later and he said I don't want to talk to you through a text, so I feel like I put myself out there, not much else I can do. It is very upsetting and hey maybe he just doesn't care or want me anymore... I can't read minds but I sure can tell by actions. Cooling down is one thing... Ignoring a person for weeks and weeks is another. On Thanksgiving I did text and say that I hoped he was having a Happy Thanksgiving. He did text back like 12 hours later saying "thanks, U2". I am at my wits end and I feel like I have a big hole in my heart!
Author HopefulOne Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 Agreed. He is trying to justify his outbursts on you. Totally unacceptable. This guy needs to grow up or you need to ditch him. He does that a lot... makes me so mad... Aren't we all responsible for are own actions!
Author HopefulOne Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 Umm, **** you is not that bad, My bf tells me that a lot. I've been called much worse. People really get offended cause of that? Well, in my opinion it is, it's called respect but to each his own.
IpAncA Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 How long has it been since he started this childlish thing?
Author HopefulOne Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 How long has it been since he started this childlish thing? over two weeks now but he has gotten mad before and not said the f*** you and not spoken to me for longer
laRubiaBonita Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Well, in my opinion it is, it's called respect but to each his own. but you are allowing yourself to be disrespected. as i mentioned earlier, once my ex. of 3 years said it to me ... about me giving him germs. well unbeknown to me, at the time, he had already started an emotional affair(soon to physical i am sure) with someone else.
IpAncA Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 over two weeks now but he has gotten mad before and not said the f*** you and not spoken to me for longer Personally I don't think this guy is worth it but this isn't about me but you. I think that you need to decide if this guy is worth this and if not then you should lose him. Not talking to you for this long or like you said, even longer is just unacceptable and I would drop him where he stands. There are so many other good decent men out there who don't play games and know how to treat a lady right.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 but you are allowing yourself to be disrespected. as i mentioned earlier, once my ex. of 3 years said it to me ... about me giving him germs. well unbeknown to me, at the time, he had already started an emotional affair(soon to physical i am sure) with someone else. I don't think I am allowing him to disrespect me, I am extremely upset by what he said to me. You know he very well might be havinig an affair and it was his way out.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 Personally I don't think this guy is worth it but this isn't about me but you. I think that you need to decide if this guy is worth this and if not then you should lose him. Not talking to you for this long or like you said, even longer is just unacceptable and I would drop him where he stands. There are so many other good decent men out there who don't play games and know how to treat a lady right. Well said.... Thank you!
Author HopefulOne Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 I am having a time with all of this and I don't know why... I feel so many different emotions right now. I guess I should just take what he did as him breaking up with me and that's it. I am getting more and more angry by the day. I thought this person loved me....damn my I am stupid
Pyro Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I am having a time with all of this and I don't know why... I feel so many different emotions right now. I guess I should just take what he did as him breaking up with me and that's it. I am getting more and more angry by the day. I thought this person loved me....damn my I am stupid You are not stupid. You are just learning a good lesson in life. Sometimes the lesson will hurt you in the process, but it will benfit you in the long run.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 You are not stupid. You are just learning a good lesson in life. Sometimes the lesson will hurt you in the process, but it will benfit you in the long run. Thanks Riddler.... I feel like I should write him a letter ( now I know that's probably not a good idea) however, I feel left in the dark. All I get out a three year relationship is F*** You and then nothing.
Pyro Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Thanks Riddler.... I feel like I should write him a letter ( now I know that's probably not a good idea) however, I feel left in the dark. All I get out a three year relationship is F*** You and then nothing. But you did learn from the relationship, so you did get something out of it. IMO, thats better than anything that he had to offer to you. Just let him go and move on with your life. He doesn't deserve anymore of your energy or time.
laRubiaBonita Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Thanks Riddler.... I feel like I should write him a letter ( now I know that's probably not a good idea) however, I feel left in the dark. All I get out a three year relationship is F*** You and then nothing. did you learn and experience new things with this guy? do you feel you have tried to enrich his life? if ANYTHING think how it was when it ws good....cause i am sure it was. think about that and compare it to now, what are the differences? think about what is best for you.... Are you Happy with where you 2 are at?
Grrlish Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Umm, **** you is not that bad, My bf tells me that a lot. I've been called much worse. People really get offended cause of that? Only those with some self-worth. Your post makes me simulataneously sad and sick to my stomach. Get some self-Love and some self-respect, grrl. Even if you don't think he's disrespecting you, HE knows he is. Even if you don't think his treatment is demeaning, he's demeaning you in his OWN mind. Respectful disagreement does not include cussing at each other, saying F- Off, or calling each other names. I've only used the F-word once in the middle of an argument with my boyfriend. It wasn't even AT him; I just used it as an adjective. But I felt horrible about it. He doesn't swear at me even when angry either. As soon as the name-calling or equivalent behavior begins, respect goes out the window, as does any type of productive interaction.
Grrlish Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Saying F*ck You to your SO is completely unacceptable, unless what you mean is F*ck Off and I don't ever want to speak to you again. Hanging up on each other is also unacceptable. He sounds like a selfish 5 year old. Scr*w the letter to him. He doesn't deserve it. Go talk to a therapist or something instead. I think he pretty much said it all with F*ck You. Interpreted as: I'm a selfish jealous jerk and you should let me abuse you because I'm insecure and it will make me feel like a big man. *barf*
Author HopefulOne Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 Saying F*ck You to your SO is completely unacceptable, unless what you mean is F*ck Off and I don't ever want to speak to you again. Hanging up on each other is also unacceptable. He sounds like a selfish 5 year old. Scr*w the letter to him. He doesn't deserve it. Go talk to a therapist or something instead. I think he pretty much said it all with F*ck You. Interpreted as: I'm a selfish jealous jerk and you should let me abuse you because I'm insecure and it will make me feel like a big man. *barf* I know he doesn't deserve it but even though your rational mind tells you that, your heart is broken and hurts so much... Maybe some therapy might do me good. I have had urges today to call or text but ever time I feel that way I get on here, so thanks to all of you for your support, I very much appreciate it.. I guess I am just having a really bad day, I only feel like crying...
IpAncA Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 O please you don't need therapy for this. If you get the urge to call or text him just come on here and posts on some threads. Takes your mind off of it.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 26, 2006 Author Posted November 26, 2006 O please you don't need therapy for this. If you get the urge to call or text him just come on here and posts on some threads. Takes your mind off of it. Maybe we could all benefit from a little therapy --- I have been through break-ups before but have never quite felt this way... I don't even want to be around anyone...
IpAncA Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Maybe we could all benefit from a little therapy --- I have been through break-ups before but have never quite felt this way... I don't even want to be around anyone... What it is about this guy that makes you feel this way that didn't for the other ones?
Author HopefulOne Posted November 26, 2006 Author Posted November 26, 2006 What it is about this guy that makes you feel this way that didn't for the other ones? I really fell in love with him... I loved being around him... he made me laugh... he made me smile... basically he made my heart smile. It's not that I didn't care about the other ones, I just fell completely and utterly for this man... We were friends for years before we started dating. It just makes me feel like I didn't really know him.... He would be the one guy that I would never have thought would do some of things he has done in the past year.... so confusing.....
IpAncA Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I really fell in love with him... I loved being around him... he made me laugh... he made me smile... basically he made my heart smile. It's not that I didn't care about the other ones, I just fell completely and utterly for this man... We were friends for years before we started dating. It just makes me feel like I didn't really know him.... He would be the one guy that I would never have thought would do some of things he has done in the past year.... so confusing..... Speaking from experience myself I felt the same way a few years ago and I couldn't believe that he would be the type of person that he turned out to be. He was my friend for a long time and I guess I didn't see what others had seen, A complete selfish,heartless jerk. He broke my heart and it took me a while to get over him because I just couldn't believe it was over myself. He was basically my first bf and I guess I let emotions get involved and he wasn't so that led me to feel confused and heart broken. When I finally did get over him I realized that I was better off without him and I moved on and now I'm married and wouldn't change a thing. I know how you feel trust me I really do and in time you will get over him.
panzer6 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 My ex would freak out on me about any little thing I said or did. I read your conversation with your boyfriend about the cop pulling you over and it creeped me out. It sounds like the arguments my ex and I used to have. Mindless arguing over non-issues that she would blow out of proportion. I figure she suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. These people see things only as black or white, no shades of gray.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 26, 2006 Author Posted November 26, 2006 My ex would freak out on me about any little thing I said or did. I read your conversation with your boyfriend about the cop pulling you over and it creeped me out. It sounds like the arguments my ex and I used to have. Mindless arguing over non-issues that she would blow out of proportion. I figure she suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. These people see things only as black or white, no shades of gray. It made me really MAD..... and that's why I said what I did to him.. Maybe he just wanted out .... We had been getting in more arguements ( or should I say he was getting angry about stupid things like T.V. Shows) funny he had just done that the same week and hung up on me, then two days later texted and said he was sorry he hung up... I give up, my heart hurts... Borderline Personality .....HMMMMM...
MassiveAtom Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Hanging up on each other is also unacceptable. What if one person says, "I need to go now... " and the other person just sits there saying nothing? Is it acceptable for the first to hang up after a moment or two?
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