Krying Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 It's that time of year that really brings home the fact I am going to be alone for awhile. My family all live far away around the world. After my ex left me, I went into my shell so to speak. I also stopped contact with quite a few mutual friends who were less than supportive of me during my time with my ex and after she left me. I do have some friends I will be seeing but not many during these holidays. For the most part they will be spent by myself... alone. This only adds to my sadness as when you're alone for periods of time, you naturally miss the people you love the most as you have the space to miss them and think about them. I'm a shy person too, so if anyone says go out, meet people and make new friends, that's all good and well. But holiday time is an intimate time you spend with loved ones. Luckily I don't drink. Otherwise I think I'd be a real mess right now. Hopefully I can get through Thanksgiving, my birthday and then Christmas without too much hurting. I normally love this time of year. But now I'm alone it's going to be rugged and actually very hard for me to deal with.
melodymatters Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 I know sweetheart, I can relate. I have no family within 1200 miles, and to make things worse, my birthday is nov 28th and what would have been a our 1 yr anniversary with my ex is nov 27th. I will be spending all the holidays alone. Luckily i DO drink and I've never been much of a "hallmark holiday" person. But, it is a little disconcerting to see all these people buying big turkeys, and christmas stuff and the difference between starting a new relationship on my last b-day, and planning on sitting home alone on this one. Ah well, this too shall pass. lets hope, no: PLAN, on next holiday season being the best ever !
SoCalCatman72 Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 I feel both of you. I haven't talked to my family in years, and wouldn't know how to get a hold of them if I wanted to. I tend to hate the holidays too, they are a very lonely time for me.
pricillia Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 ok... I know what it means to be lonely... I have been in that place as well. You three can all come to my house. Don't think of it as being away from your friends and family, think of it as a time to meet new friends
LakesideDream Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Ditto. Five + years ago after my ex left after 25 years(we divorced in 3 days!) to be with her HS boyfriend, the holidays were just a couple of months away. Throughout our marriage, we had celebrated with her family, as only my Mom was alive on my side and lived a considerable distance away. Turkeyday, both kids birthdays, Wedding Anniversary, and Christmas all between Nov. and Dec. These were big gatherings with 50 or more reletives. I was lost the first year, as the ex took her then married BF in my place. I was pretty sad that year. The next year I decided to get into the spirt with Toy's for Tot's (Marines), to fill the void. It worked. Try joining in with others who are less fortunate. It might ease your pain.
AriaIncognito Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Lakeside offers some very good advice. Another thing that you can do, which TP can attest to, is attend a dinner that's thrown together by any local organization. We are lucky enough to have a group in our area that's for a certain age bracket and they are having a thanksgiving get together for those members that don't have nearby family to spend the day with. I think it's great that there are some other outlets besides family. Also, you can host what my friend calls a "misfits dinner". She has her single and no-area family friends over her house for a small dinner party. Not only does it help with her blues, it helps theirs as well. There are so many people that would be looking for just another person to share the day with, be it a friend or not. And well, we always have room for more friends in our lives, right? It's hard to stay optimistic, believe me, I understand that, so this post might sound like a bunch of drivel, but I think most of us here are truly blessed. At the very LEAST, we have an outlet, we have eachother. Regardless of being able to meet in person or not, we know that our voices are heard and responded to by somebody, and that means a lot.
Guest Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I am sorry you are havng a hard time. I too am struggling with the emptiness without my husband and my 2 step children. Although he left me, broke my heart, hurt me both emotionally and financially...I still miss him. Maybe not "him" but being part of a couple. Unfortunately, I do drink and have been drinking heavily since he left over a year ago. It's not a good thing. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings. I think it's probably normal...I know that doesn't make it better though. We'll get through it. We have too. I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. Keep your chin up!
the_alchemyst Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Yep. I can relate here. I spent Thanksgiving by myself this year, and it seems I will be doing the same thing for Christmas. The only difference I have, I guess, is that I can't spend the holidays with my parents because I don't know where they are. Can you believe that? So, yea . . . I wish I could just fast-forward through Christmas or something.
smoochie Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I hate the holidays myself. Always have really. I never really had much family love around the holidays and would have to lie about getting gifts for Christmas when I was young. I go ALL out for the holidays for my children though. They love it! I guess I like them too now but when you are alone, they can be extremely hard. My ex-boyfriend is probably ruining some other poor girl's life and the only joy I get out of thinking about him during the holidays is I know he will be drinking himself into trouble. I am hosting a party this Christmas and avoiding turning the radio from holiday music. I don't want to let my emotional despair ruin another holiday for myself. There are alot of things we can do to help the time pass and help other people who may be in worse situations than just lonely. The holidays are a really hard time of the year! But I do wish they would hurry up and be over. I love the day after Christmas!!!! And as for Valentine's day...I don't even think about it.
Teacher's Pet Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 As my esteemed, and physically desireable partner-in-crime Ariawoman alluded to... Yes.... The holidays are a time to be with loved ones, but some of us are not as fortunate as others. I'm 5 months single, my parents are divorced. My mother will be spending most of the holidays with her sister-in-law (my aunt by marriage), whom I don't DISLIKE, but would rather not spend much time around. My father didn't call me until about 10 minutes ago to wish me a happy Thanksgiving, and most of my friends are out and about elsewhere. Just because we don't have "loved ones" to be with right now, doesn't mean we can't be meeting NEW ones! As Ariawoman mentioned, I spent Thanksgiving dinner with 14 total strangers, as part of an event thrown by a Jersey-based social group for us 20 and 30-somethings. I had a good time, met some new people, and got my mind off other matters for a short while. In our situations (this goes for pretty much everyone here!), it's important to remember one thing... YOU AREN'T ALONE. It's all too common to see "family oriented" movies and TV specials this time of year..... constant reminders of the importance of family, the importance of togetherness, etc...... Family is what you make it to be, if that means anything. Family doesn't HAVE to be "a bunch of people connected by DNA". Family are the people who make you feel good about yourself, make you feel wanted, loved, appreciated, and most importantly, NOT ALONE. So if you are feeling ALONE, think for a moment.. Do you have friends? There's family, right there. If you don't have friends, go make some. I needed new friends more than anything this year, and dammit, I hit the jackpot meeting Ariawoman. She's an amazing friend, and when she reads this, she's gonna be blushing, so.. HA HA. I consider her to be part of my "extended family". Remember, I'm from Jersey. We look after "the family" here. So, to those of you who feel alone (and who doesn't from time to time?)...reach out to your friends. They are your friends for a reason.....and one of the perks of friendship is knowing you are never truly alone. I'd still give my left arm to hold someone close to me in my bed tonight (I prefer the left side of the bed, so my right arm is my "cuddling arm", but then again, I'd need my left hand to....well I could....NEVERMIND, YOU GET THE IDEA!), but while my "quest continues", my friends keep me strong, so I feel like I've won already. Be strong. It's the holiday season, whether you like it or not. It's up to you to make it joyous. It's only 1 month until Christmas and 5 weeks until New Years. Hang in there, everybody. We're all in this together. After we change the calendar on 1/1/07, we can all breathe a sigh of relief that we made it. .....until Valentines' Day. *sighs* -tp cuddlicious.
AriaIncognito Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 yeah, I blushed. You're a sap hehe. TP makes some very good points, though. Family is what you make of it really. I've got a tiiiiiiny family. At this point, it's about 6 people that I see on holidays. It used to be like 30. My grandparents are both gone (as of this year), my stepfathers parents are both gone, I'm an only child...etc. My "extended" family has become my friends and even some coworkers really. People that are in my day to day life, are considered family. Whether it be day to day in person, or online. It's really hard to put yourself out there and try to make new friends, but I must say I've acquired a few this year, TP being one of them, that I'm very thankful for and know I'll have in my life for a long time.
westernxer Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Luckily I don't drink. Otherwise I think I'd be a real mess right now. Drinking is the best way to deal with loneliness and despair, followed by writing.
Trialbyfire Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Please try to keep yourself busy. I can sympathize. It's what I'm trying to do because I've got a birthday coming up and Christmas. It's pretty much booked up from the next week onwards so I'm hoping this will help being surrounded by family and friends, my loved ones.
Teacher's Pet Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 TP being one of them, that I'm very thankful for and know I'll have in my life for a long time. Damn right. Yer stuck with me. -tp sappy, but real.
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