maay Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 its been awhile, everyday looking at this forum, somehow will feel better as i am not the only who is heart broken here and sad. will kind of inbalance keep asking myself why its me! am i bad enough to deserve all this? found myself been stalking him ever since i stop contacting him. he called me last monday and tuesday, ask me for dinner. i lied and said that i am busy with work, and dinner with friends. he didnt call ever since. kind of happy that he called me, wanted to meet me, but just have phobia and scared the moment we go home seperately and he left with cold action or words. i cant take that.. i always have this fear feeling whenever i meet him for the past 4 years. dont know how is his mood that day. i hate it. but i so miss him. went visit the forum he actively posted, always see whether he is online... use public phone to call his mobile(no number shown), see is he in town. i have his house key, and i am bad and shouldn't do this. went to his place when i found out that he is not in town! i found out that my top is in the washing machine. and its been a month ago i went to his place with that top. i cant stop myself thinking of all the posiblity... cant help it... can you control your mind not to think of someone you love? i know NC is important.. but it is so hard to go through this! althoug i am busy with work, but i am just not happy and i don't know how to move on from here at all... i always switch off my moblie whenever i miss him and miss his number appear in my moblie. its so childish, but i just cant help it. my mind is all abt him... its so hard, theres few times that i really don't want to continus this anymore. i so miss him. why he has no feeling at all! he ever said that i mean the world to him! how can he change so fast! i so wanted to post all these here long ago.. but always think that i can make it, i can make it. but i cant! gosh! so had! my heart is in pain and so hurt... can take it anymore... be strong all the forumer here... i am trying too...
theadventure50120 Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 why he has no feeling at all! he ever said that i mean the world to him! how can he change so fast! What do you mean "he changed so fast" , because he isn't contacting you? Your not contacthing him either , he might think you have changed so fast. But no point guessing at what each other is thinking.
Author maay Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 What do you mean "he changed so fast" , because he isn't contacting you? Your not contacthing him either , he might think you have changed so fast. But no point guessing at what each other is thinking. i did emailed him and there is no reply from him at all. i used to called him last time, and he always didnt answer my call and not even call me back. i presume that he doesnt want to talk to me or even contact me. that is why he never call me. shd i call him? and lets everything goes back the same again?
Author maay Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 here i called him again this morning. he wasnt able to talk to me right away, but he answer the call right away it rang. he called back an hours later, and we talk for 15mins. i shared mostly what had happened to me lately, but he didnt say much about himself. he sounded cold through out the conversation. i was keeping the whole coversation friendly and happy. he indeed a good friend to be with, and he offer to help me with my problem right away when i told him my problem in my job. he will do the same thing to others too. its been a month that i have not see him, miss him badly but scared to see him again. he wanted to meet this weekend, but i cant make it as i will be awya from town for a weekend, and tell him that i will be busy with my job. conversation ends with the conclusion that he will meet me when i finish my job. he sounded so cold and as in nothing happen. i have a strong feeling that he is seeing someone. that is why my MIA doesn't affect him much, cos he has someone besides him. the call doesn't make me feel better. its make me worst. i am just cant get him out of my mind for the whole time, eventhough i am busy with my work. but i cry lesser and shorter. the pain is still as strong, but it brings me more fear to meet him than excited to see him. no doubt that i miss him badly. feel so bad whenever i see girls on the street, i always have an impression that he will definately choose those girls than me. what am i to win him back, what do i have to let him have feelings for me again. i am the one who made the whole situation turns bad this way, i really dont want things to turn up this way. he is sick of me. how can i be strong again... :'(
theadventure50120 Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 It hurts when there cold , huh? and it's even harder keeping a conversation going , as i should know. Also if you get the meet up act exactly how you did when you first met that he fell for , that's the only advice i give you , don't bring up the relationship and be ready for anything he says.
Author maay Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 now i am back from my trip.. and he msg me.. he msg me few times when i was overseas.. but the msg is just strait to the point.. asking me to sleep with him.. he is the one who mentioned that be friend and no sex.. but he is now msg me continuesly for few days asking me abt this.. and not other topic! what does he wants from me? friend with benefit? i dont do that! how shd i tell him and not cutting the posibility that i want him back in future? i just told him that i am not free and i am still overseas when he sms me, asked me to go over. ask me to call him when i landed, but i just msg to inform him. he asked me to go over, i said i cant have to rush my work, and said i have no time, why he has no other candidates. but he only replied me "there is always time"... am i stupid or what.. really donno whats in his mind. i do love to do everythings with him, but i don want to be his benefit friend. i don myself to go through the pain again... how shd i do now? why he is contacting me again? is only a month.
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