Guest Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 He broke up with me over 4 months ago after a 4.5 year relationship. Instead of doing it respectfully and showing me that I mattered and that he still had love for me as a person and a friend, he: Broke up with me over the phone while I was away for a 2 month business trip and couldn't come home. Found another girl and started dating her within weeks of our breakup. Refused to answer the phone or see me in person when I did get home, despite me pathetically begging for the closure I deserved after giving him 4 years of my life. Finally caved it and gave me like, an hour of his time face-to-face to tell him my feelings, during which time he showed no emotion or concern, other than declaring his love and affection for his new girlfriend. We haven't spoken now in 2 months. Please don't get me wrong and think I'm desperately trying to get him back--I don't think I could ever take someone back after treating me this way. But I just wish he would apologize and tell me I mattered and that his way of going about things was a mistake. He used to act like I was his entire world for those 4 years, and then out of the blue, I'm some stranger that means nothing to him. I don't know whether his new girlfriend is a rebound or is someone he had planned to leave me for, but whatever the case, I understand how it's impossible right now for him to tell me anything of value, being with another girl. But once their relationship is over, do you think there's a chance he's going to hit rock bottom and feel terrible for the way he treated me? I know I personally couldn't live with myself if I completely disrespected someone I loved for 4.5 years and just walked away from it, acting like I did no wrong. Have any of you ever broken up with someone in a less-than-respectful way and felt terrible about it down the road?
ddd Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Oh hon, I'm sorry...I feel your pain as I went thorugh something very similar with an ex boyfriend of a few years ago - we broke up over a text message because I was away and sensed that something was wrong - it turned out that he was cheating on me. He was with the new girl immediately after the break up and refused to see me when I came back to where we used to live. When he finally did agree to see me, he was extremely cold and unemotional (after a 2 year relationship and plans to get married). I was crushed but I pulled myself together and am so grateful that we broke up because (and this is the point of my e-mail) - he (and your ex) are so not worth it! My ex ended up marrying the girl but is cheating on her left right and centre and she is miserable. He is now treating her the way he treated me, except that I had a lucky escape, unlike her, who is now married to the &^%$*(! So chin up - you had a lucky escape! He may or may not regret it, but rest assured that he will treat all his girlfriends exactly the same as he has treated you and that should tell you a lot about the type of man he is - one that you don't need in your life. I took me about 8 months to start feeling good after my break up but I did put it behind me 100% and now never even think of him, except to pity him and his miserable life. Hope that helped.
Guest Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Thanks, it did help...sometimes I just feel like I'll feel hurt by this forever I know that's not logical, but I just wake up and feel like there is no end in sight to how much this sucks. But it's good to know you went through something similar and your pain had a stopping point. It's also good to know that he will apparently treat her like she never mattered either after they break up, b/c right now she thinks she's awesome b/c she got some guy to leave a 4.5 year relationship to be with her.
silentalways Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 we can all wish for one but it probably will never happen. personally, i don't expect nor need/want someone to apologize for breaking up with me and i would expect the same with them. the time for that, or 'explaining things', would have been during the relationship. it has taken me a looooong time to realize that whatever happened in the past, should just stay there and that when there are 'enuff' signs presented to you that its over and beyond repair - then move on. we all hope that things we do afterwards will make a difference but they never do. Personally, the more i thought of things in the way of 'making a difference' the more things got worse - for no-one but me [and that was my own doing]. so, if there is one piece of advice i can give those still struggling - it would be this: when times get tough and you get confused and lose your 'internal moral and ethical' compass, whenever you do, do not use some kind of a substitute [drugs, porn, chat rooms, false friends, booze, etc.] as a way to 'numb' yourself and hide from the problem - just face facts and be strong and do the right thing. good luck all.
Recommended Posts