CosmoBella Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Okay I have another thread on here but this is hard for me to say and maybe someone will shed some light on what I've been doing. I thought I was fine till this week I've been obsessing over my ex! I've never been that kind of girl to obsess, but damn myspace is so tempting. I check his myspace page like 15 times a day lately. Or I see if he's online through my phone. This is scary for me because it's an impulse that I have which I can't control sometimes. Also I check my phone way too many times for missed calls and text msgs from him... Which comes to zero. I have found my self goggling his name and trying to figure out his password... I sound crazy but I'm really not. I only do it when I have nothing to do... But maybe there is some other stories/advice here that can shed some light on me.
jimmy20013 Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Yes myspace is very tempting and thats why I hate it. I am tempted to check my ex gf's myspace too but I resist the temptation because last time I checked her myspace I went back to square one and I don't want to go there again. I understand that it is hard to control the impulse but you can do it. Is checking his myspace helping you in anyway? I doubt it. So why hurt yourself? You are not crazy and it is normal to feel these impulses but we have to learn to control them.
bchlvr Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Cosmo- You may not have control over obsessing over your ex (I have that problem too) but don't feed the fire. That's what NC is all about.
Cassandra171 Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 I am going through the same exact thing right now and sometimes I think i am absolutely crazy. .I try to think about it like this- not only is doing this going to hurt me more, but its really not accomplishing anything.. (me doing that isnt going to make my ex want me back!!!). And my ex is CERTAINLY NOT doing the same thing to me.. in fact in my situation he is in a new relationship. it sickens me when i realize that i am obsessing over this when he is happy doing his own thing. my ex and i recently made our profiles private however.. and although i saw things that hurt me deeply before it was made private, it helps now, but i still obsess by looking at freinds pages and seeing what his or his new girl have said, which is not healthy. someone gave me good advice in another thread, which is to take baby steps and set small goals. allow yourself to do it once a day for example, and then gradualy STOP. i know i will feel good about myself when i can say that i havent tried to inquire into what he is doing, and im sure you will too. but dont worry, youre not alone!
Ssheena Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Obsessing is my middle name. It has helped me to fill my time with other activities, it's helped me to write down in my journal all the "cons" about the relationship and him (and believe me there were many, many more cons than pros), it's helped me to read books and mostly it's helped me by visiting this site. The advice that is given here is what keeps me going. NC means NC. Actions speak louder than words, it's over, move on, you deserve better, etc., etc. Yes, I check his personal webpage and yes I check his myspace page and yes, I google his name, yes I blog with the thought in the back of my mind that maybe he is reading what I post even though I don't post about him but the most important thing for me has been becoming clear that HE had/has major major issues and being with him is not good for me. Substitute a different behavior when you find yourself stuck in a loop. Snap a rubberband you put around your wrist HARD, anything, post here, answer others postings and be forgiving of yourself.
D-Lish Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 Oh... the Myspace thing is so terrible. I haven't even checked to see if my ex even has a myspace- I just don't want to know. I think if I went and found out he was dating someone I'd make myself so sick I'd barf! I think about my ex 24/7- even after 3 months. He's constantly on my mind and I just can't shake it. I still have trouble eating and sleeping... But one useful tactic to combat the sorrow is to just put on a brave face everytime you leave the house. When I go out I'm all smiles and confidence. I don't feel that way- but other people see me that way and believe it.... so even if I don't feel great and happy, the act sometimes fools me into believing it and it helps! I make a point of saying hello to cashiers, I smile at strangers, I compliment people, and I laugh a lot, force myself to be the life of the party. Then I come home and cry...lol. But seriously, just the facade is a great way to counteract the situational depression. There's a huge difference between "thinking" and "doing". We may want to call out ex 30 times a day, send a hundred e-mails, show up on their doorstep weeping and begging.... all that is normal. The "thinking/feeling" part we can't control... but we CAN control what we do with those feelings. The obsessive thought subside, they really do! And they're completely normal. It's only the actions that sometimes stem from the desperation that sometimes aren't okay. haha- the difference between being obsessive and being a stalker are the actions, not the thoughts. I think-stalk my ex... but that's the extent of it. I think most of us here do that! lol. Immerse yourself in something new and fulfilling, it'll take your mind off things and help you get centered again. D
AriaIncognito Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 someone gave me good advice in another thread, which is to take baby steps and set small goals. allow yourself to do it once a day for example, and then gradualy STOP. i know i will feel good about myself when i can say that i havent tried to inquire into what he is doing, and im sure you will too. but dont worry, youre not alone! Ooo i'm so happy that you thought my advice was good :-) I gave it because well, I've been there and know how hard it is. But like weening yourself off anything, smoking, eating, etc, it's best to minimize til it dwindles to nothing. The same can really be applied to cyber things. To the OP, it's totally normal that you're going through this. You'll see many of us here have. When you get the urge to look, look here instead to see what we are up to :-)
jimmy20013 Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 Yeah ariawoman the baby steps idea is great. I remember how hard it was for me in the beginning and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and wait for death to come and relieve me of my misery. It was so hard because I tried handling everything at once. I realised that and then I started taking baby steps. I started with "one hour steps" telling myself to take it an hour at a time and eventually progressed to one day at a time. Well I am still on the one day at a time stage but I hope to reach a point where that won't be necessary anymore. Goodluck to all of you. Ah what would I give to get a affectionate hug, from a girl of course!! Lol.
Author CosmoBella Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 Thank you very much to all of you, I see that I'm not alone. Well, I can say that as of today I did check his myspace once. WoooHOOO. Seriously I am very proud of myself. I didn't even check the girl I belive he will/is hooking up with page. I have before and I would get so mad at her, but it's not her it's HIM!! I saw nothing new and i just stared at his picture and I just thought to myself "what happen to the man I love?" I think it's been over a month of the whole break-up and i can't sleep I lay there like D-lish say "think-stakling" him. I am doing my baby steps, but I wonder if I will keep at it? I keep asking myself why do I do this to myself when I bet he is not doing this himself. Some times I wonder if he has found this site, I doubt it.
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