insomnie Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 I got to thinking about this today: why is it that we pine away for these people who probably never loved us enough to sustain a healthy long-term relationship? It makes no sense. These people left us. In most cases we didn't even do anything horribly wrong. In my situation, I was just unhappy because he didn't like being around me anymore, never wanted any kind of emotional or sexual intimacy. So, he got tired of ME being there, pressuring him to meet my most basic needs, and left, yet I am still trying to get him back? WHY? I'm a great catch, honestly. I'm smart, I'm pretty, I'm going to be successful, I have financial sense, I like sex, and I understand a lot about relationships (for my age at least, and I'm very open to wanting to learn more). I can cook, clean, I'm social but not overly so, I'm extremely loyal, I have a sense of humor. We had all our values in common, and I was open to finding some more common interests (his interests are limited to 1 video game and being alone). So why couldn't he just love me? I loved him so much. Love is funny like that, though. It doesn't make any sense. I can literally feel my broken heart right now, all the little pieces raw and hurting, and I know he did this to me, yet it feels like he's the only one I can love. I am surrounding myself with friends, who I know care about me much more than he apaprently does, yet all my interactions seem so empty, as does the prospect of new relationships. I just want him back. I just want to hug him, make love to him, sleep in his arms. It hurts so much.
magichands Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 (his interests are limited to 1 video game and being alone) Things might change now that the PS3 and Wii are out.
the_alchemyst Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Great post. I don't know why I always pop up in your threads. You remind me of me, in a way. I can relate to everything you just said. Really. No joke. Everything. And I have to tell you that I often find myself asking this very same thing. I'll ask myself, "Seriously, why can't I let this go? I loved him so much that now that he is gone, I feel like an empty body. And he knew how much I loved him, but in his selfishness, he left, knowing how much he'd hurt me. And yet I still grieve over something so obviously rotten?" And it drives me crazy because I can be so clear-headed and down-to-earth, yet when it comes to him, I become extremely quixotic, and I throw all good thoughts out the window. Sometimes you'll find yourself thinking that you are stupid for letting this bastard make you feel this way, other times you will find yourself sad and nonsensical, thinking "if only I . . .," and other times you will be amazingly confused, thinking great thoughts like this and being really introspective, but seemingly unable to put such thoughts into action. Honestly, I don't know why this is so. Some will say that this is the classic "women like abuse" syndrome, but I don't think so. In my case, I think my age and lack of experience makes it that much more difficult. I'm 20 and my exbf was my first LT and significant relationship; my first kiss; my first love; my first lover; my first heartbreak. I also knew this guy for about roughly 7 years, and dated him for almost 3. I would talk to him everyday, and then, out of nowhere, someone whom I have know for oh, so long is now someone whom I can no longer speak to in order to try to preserve some dignity? It's a hard transition. Really hard. And then there is the familiarity and comfort you have built. After having them be a part of you and your world for such a long time, and having it be a "first" this or that, and being so young, it's difficult to snap your fingers and find yourself detached. No. Correction. It's impossible. And I guess this is why, even despite the uglyness, we try to get them back: Because we know what was--the good and the bad, but try to focus on missing the good more than the bad, and try to make the bad as something easily fixable. We want them back because we think that they took a part of ourselves with them, and we feel incomplete without it. But I suppose strength and growth occurs in knowing and--most importantly--believing, that no one can our heart, feelings, and love away from us, and that simply because they rejected it, it does not mean they left with it: it just means they didn't want it, but that we still have it, ready to give to someone who will appreciate it. At least, that's what I try to tell myself when I'm not going clinically mental.
blon_dee Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Well said Alchemyst, i liked your last paragraph.. Yeah what is with us?? I know exactly how both of you feel too! And i'm 34 and have been through this a few times this lifetime!! I am thinking today that you seem to block out the bad stuff a lot of the time anyway, and focus on the good stuff.. Thats what i am thinking anyway. I only had a fairly short term relationship, and to be honest, until he was gone, i didn't think i was all that "into" it. Its been 5 weeks now since i broke it off, and all i have thought and done since then, is that i wanted him back! Forgetting the reasons it didn't work or i didnt want him in the first place! Selective memory? I dont know.. Good luck to you
Recommended Posts