insomnie Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 What do you guys think about this? Is it true that if there is some love left, they will want to resume some kind of contact? My exbf basically wants space to figure things out. I am trying to figure out how to read that- whether or not he wants this breakup to be permanent. If there is any love left. If that will be enough for him to want to be my friend with potential for more. In other news, I went anohter day without calling, texting, or aiming him. I'm very proud of myself.
the_alchemyst Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 I think that many times, when you break up with someone, it's genuinely because you no longer are in love with them and have lost interest in them, romantically. And if that is the case, then chances are that they will not try to pursue you again to try to rekindle a relationship, unless some time has passed, and they feel that they were just "confused" at the time or if their feelings resurface. If he still loves you and is just in need of some space, then just let him have it. His heart will surely grow weary with your absense after some time of not being with you, and he just might call. If he does contact you, take it (slowly) from there. Just go on as you're doing, and think to yourself that he is gone, and that he may or may not come back. But you are a smart girl: Surely you can't sit around idly and wait for something so elusive to manifest? In other news, I went anohter day without calling, texting, or aiming him. I'm very proud of myself. This is great. Keep it up, chick. And, to be honest: I think you two will get back together after some time. Just my "feeling."
Author insomnie Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 Thanks Alchemist. Funny thing is, I KNOW EVERYTHING. I know what the answers to all my questions are, what I need to do, how I need to attempt to feel. That, for now, I need to move on, get involved in my own life, and if he comes back to deal with it then. I know I need to give him space. I know most importantly I need to stop stressing because there is absolutely nothing I can actively do about this situation, and also because if he doens't come abck it wasn't meant to be, and one day I'll find someone and build a relationship that is. And this goes for everyone who has just been broken up with and is suffering. Unfortunately, I can't stop obsessing, and that's making me compulsively post about the sssaaammmmeeee ttthhhiiinnnggg over and over again here on LS. But I figure, better I post here than break down and do something more stupid. Like call him.
the_alchemyst Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Yes, the better. That's what I do. And you know what else? I know all of this, too. I know, I know. I know I need to focus on me; that I need to, uh, actually go to school; do productive things; work to get money that I desperately need; try to move on; blah blah blah. That's the thing: It's all blah blah blah. I know that if he comes back, he will, and that if he doesn't he won't, and that I'll probably find someone and else and be happy with him, and blah blah blah. But I guess that this all sounds great in theory, but the reality is that no matter how hard you try to fill yourself with positive possible thoughts, the thoughts and feelings you have at the present time are of hurt and much less possibility. It's one thing for the mind to know how to think and do, but it's another thing for the heart to want to feel.
Sosadnow Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 [COLOR=blue][FONT=Arial]Hey there, I know exactly what you are going through; when I was reading your post I thought I was reading my own. I actually posted one under the title ‘Do breaks work’ from sosadnow. Its just terrible isn’t it. My boyfriend has told me he needs space and I am not sure how long that will be and I am desperately wanting to call him but I know that that is the wrong thing to do and I have to respect his wishes and only time will tell. My issue is I wonder if breaks do work, if it was up to me I just want to talk about things and try to work them out and not try to run away from the issue. But to him, he thinks the best thing is time away and have space and then he will know that if he misses me then it’s meant to be. But I am still in love with him and we had something so special and I can’t believe it has come down to this. I am here if you need to talk and its comforting in a way to be able to have someone else that is going through exactly the same issues as you.. Not that I wish this on anyone in the world! [/FONT][/COLOR]
alphamale Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Is it true that if there is some love left, they will want to resume some kind of contact? maybe, maybe not...it really depends upon a hundred different factors.
Trialbyfire Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Everyone is different. If this is honestly helping you to vent so you don't pick up the phone, keep it up. Please though, do yourself a favour and tell yourself that he's not coming back. If you can take being brutal with yourself, say it over and over again until you believe it. Afterwards, you can grieve and then move on.
Tormented Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 What do you guys think about this? Is it true that if there is some love left, they will want to resume some kind of contact? Yeah...they often do come back, but sometimes for the wrong reason. Sometimes they *think* they love you, miss you, regret their decision to leave and will return as a result. Problem with this? The issues that caused the initial breakup will still remain IF it hasn't been resolved and worked through. Oh, things will be great for the first week, or two, or even months, but eventually those issues will re-surface and BAM - back to "heartbreak" land. And the second time can hurt much, much worse because the disappointment is much harder to take. And if the first breakup didn't do irreversable damage, the second breakup often does. So, if your ex comes knocking on the door - my advice is to advance with GREAT caution and time. ~T~
ktec Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Unfortunately, I can't stop obsessing, and that's making me compulsively post about the sssaaammmmeeee ttthhhiiinnnggg over and over again here on LS. But I figure, better I post here than break down and do something more stupid. Like call him. Keep it up babe, i've been doing the same and i'm glad i have. Like you say, its better to post it all up here than go back to them telling them all yours thoughts and basically coming across all needy and weak. That simply isnt attractive, confidence, self assurance, compassion and understanding are things that attract people, and when you feel like this, its definitely best to stay well away. Some advice someone gave me yesterday rings so true. Spend this time to do something good for you. Generally the best things you can do for you involve starting a new project, meeting old friends, and doing exercise, whether that be dancing, running swimming etc. As much as you can, be nice to yourself, in your head i mean, when you feel yourself doubting, tell yourself its not fair to think about things, and distract yourself. Be persistent. First and foremost you MUST believe that you can better yourself through this experience, and believe it or not that pain you feel can actually help to motivate you. Have faith, things will work out for the best, which ever way that is meant to be. Keep posting if it helps!!
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