blon_dee Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Well... (in reference to m ylast post DO YOU THINK I SHOULD SEND THIS LETTER).. I sent it... and this is the reply i got.. "Hi I am really glad that you seem to have changed things, but i guess i would like just to keep the friendship if you are still keen to do that. I just think that it will be the better option, i rarely go back these days on any decisions i really have to sit down and think about. I dont want to give you any false hopes of you thinking that maybe there is a chance either. Ill leave it up to you, if you are still keen on the friendship then i am also.. anyway i hope everyone is doing well Take care" I replied with a "No problems, thanks for your reply" and left it at that... I still feel sad though, i really thought he would give me another chance.... So where the hell do i go from here???
shawn_68 Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 I still feel sad though, i really thought he would give me another chance.... So where the hell do i go from here??? Sorry, I was pulling for ya on this one. The email that you were planning to send was touching. But the good part of this is that you don't have to wonder anymore. You have the answer that you were seeking. You mentioned before that friendship would be good for you. When the time is right you can pursue that. Great friendships are to be cherished. It sounds cliche. But you really have to learn from this past relationship. Understand what went wrong and what was very good. Make the next one the very best that you can. New adventures await.
Author blon_dee Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 Thanks for your kind words and thoughts.. I only got the email an hour ago, im still reeling from it i guess.. And just that little part of me is thinking, does that really mean NEVER? i dont know... Can i just be happy with friendship, will it ever lead where i want it to?Am i just dreaming?.. I half read into it that maybe there is a chance in the future but he didnt want me to cling to that.. I dont know.... Still confused... But yes, at least i dont have to wonder anymore, i won't be emailing asking him to change his mind etc... Oh man, this sucks..
D-Lish Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 yeah, it totally sucks! I was pulling for you too. But you needed to get those things out. there were obviously a lot of things that weighed heavily on you- including the possibility of whether or not he still had feelings. I've learned the hard way too. Everytime I allow my actions to negatively affect my romantic relationships, I want to kick myself. Hard! Then the guilt sets in and the whole realization "what I have I done....can I turn back the clock?" We can't change what happened, or how we acted. But we can do what you did by saying sorry- and hopefully using this experience to make our next relationship better. It's not the response that you were looking for.... but friendship is a good start. The fact that he's open to that means that he doesn't dislike you or hasn't stopped caring for you. You have to decide if you could handle a friendship. I know I say I'd like to have that with my ex, but the truth is that what I really want is to have him back. Don't beat yourself up over it- use this experience as a means to make some positive changes in your life. That way you'll be ready when the next person comes along. D
Author blon_dee Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 Thanks again Dee.. always keen to hear your words of wisdom.. I feel like crap, just like im back at day one again. Stupid thing is , the whole relationship, i wasnt even that into him. He was way keen and i wasnt. I dont know, im all confused again. Im starting to wonder if its more the ideal in my head than really about him. But how the hell do you stop feeling so crap!!!!! AAAhhhhh... I've stopped eating again, and have been crying all day.. Im a total disaster area!!!!!!!
Author blon_dee Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 Also, what do you all think about "being friends". I mean, seriously? Can you do that? I have heaps of friends, its not like i really need him as a friend. I just wonder if trying to stay friends will just keep dragging my sorry ass through it again... I dont know what to do.
Author blon_dee Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 One other thing (sorry guys, im a mess today!!),, i have re read that email about 300 times so far in the last 5 hours... Do you think he is definately saying that there is NO CHANCE? i thought that to start with, then i thought maybe hes saying there is, but he didnt want me to cling on to it??? What do you think????
gonetildecember Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 I think he's being pretty clear on the fact that he doesn't want to give you false hope, when he doesn't see things going anywhere. In terms of being friends, I for one know how hard it is to sit there and attempt to be someones friend when you still care so much about them. If you want to preserve the relationship, give it some time, until you have worked out your feelings and it doesn't hurt you to be around her and not have her.. u know what i mean.. just give yourself some time to regain your strength.. it may never happen that you can just see her as a friend.. but who knows.. sorry about how things worked out, but keep your head up
D-Lish Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 I'm in the same boat BD, I was so unsatisfied during my relationship... it wasn't until he rejected me that I started pining for him 24/7! I think rejection does strange things to our head. "Wait a minute...what do you mean YOU'RE rejecting ME"... and then it sends us into a tailspin. I think that if you really sit down and think about it, you'll come to the realization that he wasn't the right guy for you. It's just the rejection talking right now. I don't think he's saying there's NO chance~ just not in the cards right now. Do you want to be patient and worm your way back into a relationship by taking the friendship route? That can be tedious. The hope here is that by being "friends" you have an opportunity to show him that you've changed. That could take a little while though- to build those feelings of trust again. Is it really worth it to you? Like you said, you already have heaps of friends... Maybe wait a little while and see how you feel about remaining friends. And what does friends mean? Talking on MSN, going to the movies or out for a coffee once and a while? It's just the rejection playing havoc with your brain right now, I think if you sit back and think about it you'll realize you really weren't "into" him. D
theadventure50120 Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 D-Lish , do you have msn or aim or anything? I want to talk to a girl about something , you seem to be the women lol.
Summer2000 Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 It is hard to be friends with your ex, most of all if you want that person back.. Take it from me.. I have tryed to be friends with my ex, and everytime I see him or talk to him I just feel worse.. I guess in the long run I stayed friends with him hoping he would change his mind and want me back.. The thing I am thinking now is why would you want to be friends with your ex after he/she has hurt you so much?
silentalways Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 i had wanted at first to get back with my ex, then just be friends, but as the 'reports' piled up and i life bottomed out, i realized that, using her words 'it is beyond repair' - so it finally sunk in. i had always believed that u could always be friends with someone no matter what but i have learned so many lessons over the last year +, i am not that stupid little boy anymore [just dumb now - lol].
Summer2000 Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 I think in time maybe you can be friends with him or her, but not right after a break up.. I was engaged once to a man I was with for 7 years.. We did not talk for about 2 years and now we are the best of friends ever and I have no intrest in getting back with him.. But if I would have stayed friends with him right after the break up, there would be no way I could have moved on..
Author blon_dee Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 Thankyou all for your words of wisdom.. I must say, i had a boyfriend many years ago, i will still maintain he was the "love of my life", seriously, even more so than the guy i eventually married.. Anyway, we split up after a few months, and he wanted to stay friends. Ofcourse i was madly in love with him and thought anything was better than nothing. You know what i did? I spent 2 whole years, spending almost every waking moment with him, we went out for dinner, to movies, on holidays!! Seriously, just like a couple without the intimacy, and you know what happened?? We had gone out for lunch one day and he seemed a little funny.. He dropped me off at home, kissed me goodbye, left then came back 10 minutes later, and said "I really meant to say this to you today, but i couldnt do it - I HAVE MET SOMEONE ELSE". Just like that, i had spent 2 years thinking by being his Best friend that we would end up together again... I hadnt even thought of this story in my silly haze the last few days.. He broke my heart about a million times more than he did in the first place!! He said he still wanted to keep our friendship after that, and guess, what? I never heard from him again.... He ended up marrying her btw.... Haven't seen him for like 10 years and i still think of him.... So i guess i have just answered my own questions on the friends thing!! Lol.. although, i dont think im that crazy about this current ex deep down anyway. Dee, you are right on the money, it's more a rejection thing than anything. Not being mean to him at all, he was a nice guy.... But if i really think about it, i'm just lonely and down right now, and sometimes think it's because of him or if i was with him still i wouldn t feel so bad. But i guess i wouldn't have ended it in the first place if it was "So right" .... Man, do i need therapy or what??????? But anyway, i think i might keep in very vague touch with him and chat on msn. Can't see it going any further than that anyway. I still wonder how to construe that sentence about "false hope", some of my friends think he's saying NO HOPE, some think hes saying Dont hold onto the hope but you never know... Just curious.. I think the interpreting of his words is doing my head in more than anything... Lol... You guys rock, this is a great forum for seeking like minded individuals opinions!!! Cheers K
D-Lish Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 It's so hard to interpret what people say. You never know if they are softening the blow, or leaving the door open a slight crack. My ex won't even talk to me! I've tried to be friends, but I know it's not a friendship I want- I want him back. I want him to love me. I don't actually think I could handle being friends with him. Rejection insults our ego. I think that's what you're reacting to. You just want to set things right with your ego. When someone doesn't want us, it makes us wonder why, and conversely we want them. It also sucks to feel lonley, so we return to what is familiar to us as opposed to what's in our best interest. My head understands this notion, as I'm sure yours does....but our hearts haven't caught up yet. But they will. Stupid heartbreak! D
Author blon_dee Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 Yeah., what exactly is with us intelligent educated women??? DLish, have you been out dating again? I'm thinking about doing it, nothing serious, just getting back out and meeting new people for a bit of fun.. See my thread "what the"? Ex just sent me a text half an hour ago 9pm, saying "Hi, i just drove past"... seems a little odd i would have thought? Whats, he just teasing me or what? Whatever happened to your ex Dlish - i read how he turned up at ur place when you were going out.. So he never got in touch again after that?? People can be so strange...... I just dont get it... And dont you really hate all this game playing bullsh*t???
Kamille Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 Hi Blon_dee I just read What the?? about his text and this thread. I was in somewhat the same situation you are in right now last september. I too sent the 'is there a chance' letter and I too got the 'i'm so happy i met you, no, at least not right now' answer. So I'm going to give you the same great advice a friend gave to me at the time, as I was trying to infuse his message with hope. I read her the message and she said: oh. That's too bad. I answered "what why?' And she said: 'men mean what they say.' And added: this is his really nice way of telling you to take care of yourself and move on. I was also more burned by the fact that he left me then by the actual end of the relationship. I took some time to sort things out and we are now beginning to exchange e-mails as friends (we live in different cities). I'm kind of wondering if your ex's text is not his way of being friendly... See, I could picture my guy being so happy to have me back in his life, someone he truly cares about but does not want to pursue a relationship with, that he might do something like that just because he passed by my house, was in a good mood, and thought it might cheer me up. (Ok there's a run on if ever I saw one. Proust 101). I think it's kind of insensitive on his part given the content of the letter you sent him, but it would makes sense if he thinks that : -it's clear to both of you that things are over, - he believes you have enough going for you, and you are strong enough, not to be hung up on him, - he wants to have you in his life as a friend.
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