KnowHowLoveFeels Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 My exMM, with whom I had a very brief fling, and who has since separated from his W, is now dating someone who looks like me!!!! (As you may recall, his W and I look nothing alike.) Obviously, this is a rebound relationship. But I just can't seem to help feeling betrayed nonetheless! A little voice is telling me that he is not over me, that he secretly still harbors feelings for me. But since I am still married, he is trying to move on by going out with someone who looks like me?? Am I crazy or what? I am not taking this very well. Please, if you have any good stories, words of advice, anything....
Freedom Now Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Hang in there. Look at it this way: he is a serial cheater, obviously. Pity the poor woman he is still married to. You do NOT want to be in her shoes. And pity the woman he is with. You've been there, done that. And it hurts like a mother. I know it and so do you. Unless this MM has sought counseling to find out WHY he cheated, he will continue to do it over and over again. He is just jumping from one relationship to another. Thank your lucky stars that you are OUT of this dysfunctional situation. There is only more pain and heartache for anyone this man is involved with. Hugs Freedom Now
Author KnowHowLoveFeels Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 Pity the poor woman he is still married to. You do NOT want to be in her shoes. Actually, they have separated and are living in separate places. (But no-one has filed for divorce yet.) And the other thing is that he's only slept with his W. He is not a serial cheater, but I do believe he has a problem with intimacy and expressing his true feelings. I can't help thinking that if I weren't married to his bestfriend, he'd be with me. I mean, now that I found out that his new GF looks like me rather than his ex-W... right? I mean...umph. Correct me if you will, but his new GF is petite with dark hair, like me. (His W is tall - 5'10'' and blond.) It is so obvious to me. But maybe I am reading too much into this?
Freedom Now Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Sorry for the misunderstanding....my bad. This must hurt. I am sorry. Please tell me that he isn't flaunting this new girlfriend in your face....that would be cruel. I am so, so sorry. This must really hurt you.
jerseyblue29eyes Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Sorry for the misunderstanding....my bad. This must hurt. I am sorry. Please tell me that he isn't flaunting this new girlfriend in your face....that would be cruel. I am so, so sorry. This must really hurt you. That is so hurtful if he is is flaunting her in front of you. Remember, karma!
TheDiva Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Actually, they have separated and are living in separate places. (But no-one has filed for divorce yet.) And the other thing is that he's only slept with his W. He is not a serial cheater, but I do believe he has a problem with intimacy and expressing his true feelings. I can't help thinking that if I weren't married to his bestfriend, he'd be with me. I mean, now that I found out that his new GF looks like me rather than his ex-W... right? I mean...umph. Correct me if you will, but his new GF is petite with dark hair, like me. (His W is tall - 5'10'' and blond.) It is so obvious to me. But maybe I am reading too much into this? Maybe you are reading too much into it? Beyond looks is she anything like you? Having your values or personality? Your charm and quick wit? KHLF- this must feel like a stab in the heart, but remember you recommited to working on your marriage. This was your choice. Thinking about the exMM at this point will do no good for you. Please don't spend too much energy on this. They are only seperated, I know they are headed to D-land. They could still easily get back together seeing as neither has filed yet. (don't think that will happen but never know) He is already dating. Is he rebounding from M or A? This is a bit unhealthy IMO no matter if he is pining for you or the W. Please just take care of you and the wee ones!
Author KnowHowLoveFeels Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 That is so hurtful if he is is flaunting her in front of you. No, he is not. I found out through a friend. We are on strict NC because he wants me to work on my M. He couldn't take me from his friend (or so he says). I wish he has more courage than he does. I think that's just how he is, though. He is the "confrontation-avoiding-type". My H is the agressive go-getter type... and that was what drew me to him. Actually, talking it out has made me feel so much better already! If I make a list - yeah, that - I'd probably find more pros from my H. I'm gonna get on it right away!
Author KnowHowLoveFeels Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 Maybe you are reading too much into it? Beyond looks is she anything like you? Having your values or personality? Your charm and quick wit? Thanks, TheDiva. From the sound of it, she is a very close resemblance to me. But of course, she is not me. What shocked me initally was the fact that he'd choose someone who looks like me rather than his W, or better yet, somebody who looks like neither of us! KHLF- this must feel like a stab in the heart, but remember you recommited to working on your marriage. This was your choice. Thinking about the exMM at this point will do no good for you. Please don't spend too much energy on this. They are only seperated, I know they are headed to D-land. They could still easily get back together seeing as neither has filed yet. (don't think that will happen but never know) He is already dating. Is he rebounding from M or A? This is a bit unhealthy IMO no matter if he is pining for you or the W. Please just take care of you and the wee ones! My take is that he's on a rebound. They've been married 12 years, and from what I know, most of which were awful. How conscious is he of his choice of his current GF? I don't know. I am certainly aware that he may very well go back to his W, but that is highly unlikely. If he were a stronger man, he'd fight his bestfriend and take me from him. Right? I also wonder if I'd feel like losing my mind if his current GF is blond and tall.... The only thing that I am like his ex-W is that we are both very independent and have our own careers. His new GF, on the other hand, works for him?
TheDiva Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Thanks, TheDiva. From the sound of it, she is a very close resemblance to me. But of course, she is not me. What shocked me initally was the fact that he'd choose someone who looks like me rather than his W, or better yet, somebody who looks like neither of us! My take is that he's on a rebound. They've been married 12 years, and from what I know, most of which were awful. How conscious is he of his choice of his current GF? I don't know. I am certainly aware that he may very well go back to his W, but that is highly unlikely. If he were a stronger man, he'd fight his bestfriend and take me from him. Right? I also wonder if I'd feel like losing my mind if his current GF is blond and tall.... The only thing that I am like his ex-W is that we are both very independent and have our own careers. His new GF, on the other hand, works for him? Fighting his best friend. That is tough to answer. One hand, it could be respecting his friend;) I said COULD BE... On the other hand, he is probably the non-confrontational type? Afraid to fight for what he wants? Well gf works for him. This one will last a long time! Yes I believe you would also be losing your mind if she was blonde and tall. No win situation there.
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