How often do you chat with your SO during the day?

[lovestruck234]

I am asking this because it seems my bf doesn't ever contact me during the day at work...only if he needs to tell me something important, ask me something, or for a "reason"...he never rings me on his lunch break or anything "just to chat"...

 

Now, I'm not expecting him to ring me every single day, on the hour or whatever, I'd just, I wouldn't even mind a text message or SOMETHING...it just lets me know he's there. Kinda dumb, I know but anyway...

 

Sometimes I'll ring him when he's on his lunch break and I'm on mine for a chat and he always says the same thing..."I'm going to see you this afternoon anyway, we don't need to chat now..."

 

At first I thought "You know, that's fair enough" but the more I thought about it, the more it made me think "No, it's not fair enough"...I have friends who are in relationships who chat with their SO's everyday or so while at work and still see them when they get home.

 

It's not soe massive issue I have, it's just been bugging me cos I feel now...sort of annoying if I message him or something. I usually now just message him and tell him I'm thinking of him, have a great day etc cos that way I dont' feel too stupid...cos he can't hang up on me or whatever.

 

I mean, I shouldn't even be under that feeling, should I? Like, I can't ring me own bf because I don't want to come across "annoying" or "chatty" or whatever the hell he thinks.

 

Has anyone ever felt like this?

[IpAncA]

I call my H more then he calls me. The only texting that he does is the animation ones and I get those sometimes. He's not into the whole talking on the phone. He'd rather do that in person. He does call sometimes during the day but that's to ask me something or if he's bored.

[dgiirl]

I felt like this my entire marriage... we're divorced now.

 

It sounds like he's becoming complacent with the relationship. I think you have a right to the way you feel. It's not like you're just begging for attention 24/7, but a little "Hey I miss you" or "I'm thinking of you" or something is nice to hear.

 

Have you talked to him in a non-confronting way? Have you told him that it makes you feel special when he messages just a little hi?

[Walk]

Sounds more like you're kind of asking that he lets you know on occasion that he's thinking of you. You want that little text message or brief call just for him to say your on his mind.

 

You could ask him in a round about way I suppose. Maybe tell him that you really enjoy getting a quick call or text from him once in a while during the day.

 

Or have you tried that already?

 

I don't think you want to much... try telling him how much it means to you if occasionally he'd ring you, or text you during the day.

[lovestruck234]

well, he tells me he hates the messaging thing, which is understandable, lots of people don't like it, but he also hates the phone call thing....ugh!

 

I've sort of brought it up in a jokingly way saying something like "Did you get my txt message today?" And he'll be like "Yeah" so I'll say something like "Geeez, lucky you didn't write back, you couls have broken an arm!" or something like that. He'll laugh back and be like "Well, that's right!!"

 

Like I said, it's not some burdening issue I have, but sometimes those little things build up, you know what I mean?

 

IpAncA, he's the same as far as rather talk in person. Hey, I like talking in person too, I much prefer it, but when you're about an hour away from him at work and you start to miss him, I don't think it's too criminal to have a chat.....

 

And then he'll come out with lines like "I'm not a girl, Tess, I don't 'chat'!!"

 

And I feel like saying "You may not be a girl, but I'm your girlfriend, you think it's gunna be THAT hard to give me a phone call to let me know that I MIGHT be on your mind at just SOME point during the day! You don't even write back to my messages for Christs sake! All you have to do with phone call is press ONE button, not like a message where you have to press numerous....how hard is it? You are really THAT busy that you don't even spare 5 minutes during your day? Oh wait, I forgot, you are "flat out you don't have time to scratch yourself" at work during the day? Oh, I'm sorry...I should have known the priorities in your life by now. First work, then your girlfriend..."

 

Of course I woould never say that, but I think it....lol

[KittenMoon]

Does he still call you after work? Do you talk in the evenings?

 

My ex used to call me at work, and I really didn't like it much. I felt weird chatting, even briefly, while I was working, even though everyone in my office does it and it allowed. I did however, feel appreciated being thought of.

 

Have you considered he just prefers to work at work, and talk and play when he's on his own personal time? (counting lunch breaks as still working)

[dgiirl]

I've sort of brought it up in a jokingly way saying something like "Did you get my txt message today?" And he'll be like "Yeah" so I'll say something like "Geeez, lucky you didn't write back, you couls have broken an arm!" or something like that. He'll laugh back and be like "Well, that's right!!"

 

Instead of taking the passive aggressive approach, why dont you own your feelings and tell him what you'd actually want? It doesnt have to be passive by making it a joke, and it doesnt have to be aggressive by telling him your his gf and he should call. Simply own the feelings you are feeling and tell him it makes you feel cared and special if he'll call once in a while. There's nothing wrong with wanting things, but be sure to be clear about it, and appreciate the effort when it's made.

[lovestruck234]

Does he still call you after work? Do you talk in the evenings?

 

My ex used to call me at work, and I really didn't like it much. I felt weird chatting, even briefly, while I was working, even though everyone in my office does it and it allowed. I did however, feel appreciated being thought of.

 

Have you considered he just prefers to work at work, and talk and play when he's on his own personal time? (counting lunch breaks as still working)

 

 

I guess it's a thought....

 

 

But he'll come home and be like "Guess who I talked to today?" I'll be like "Who?" He'll be like "My brother" or "Dane (best mate)" or "SOMEBODY OTHER THAN YOU!!" Of course, that last one doesn't count but he seems to chat alot with mates on the phone at work...but I think he....well, I kinda think he takes advantage of the fact that he knows he can talk to me whenever he wants...whether it's not for a whole weekend or whatever....

 

To be honest, without sounding like one of those "But YOU need to do this, and YOU need to do that!!" girlfriends, he should atleast call or message me every once in a while. I'm not talking everyday, but even a TINY message to say "Hey darlin, hope you have a great day xoxo" SOMETHING!!

 

Ugh, I don't know. Boys will forever be a mystery to me....

[lovestruck234]

Instead of taking the passive aggressive approach, why dont you own your feelings and tell him what you'd actually want? It doesnt have to be passive by making it a joke, and it doesnt have to be aggressive by telling him your his gf and he should call. Simply own the feelings you are feeling and tell him it makes you feel cared and special if he'll call once in a while. There's nothing wrong with wanting things, but be sure to be clear about it, and appreciate the effort when it's made.

 

 

Yeah, I understand what you're saying.

 

Just, grrargh!! Yuo can never get through to him. It sits in his ear, but doesn't go through that brain in his head. I'll say something right? Ok...let's think...I'll say something like..."Hey...I had heaps of fun at (such and such) the other weekend, we should go there again sometime.." and instead of saying "Yeah, for sure, we will!!" He'll be like "Oh ok, did you? That's good..."

 

Ok, that was a crap example. But it just feels like when I say things, he doesn't empathize AT ALL, and to be completely honest, I don't think he even cares. I know how he thinks...to him, it's just "Yap yap yap yap yap yap...blah blah blah..."

 

Typical MALE.

[dropdeadlegs]

I think that if you want more communication during your day that it is completely okay to want that. I also think that based on your other posts that your BF won't budge on the issue. I am much older than you are and what I have learned is that if a relationship has many issues and is a lot of "work" that it's not the right relationship for me. I have had many relationships, some I put a lot of effort into and some I just wasn't willing to. There are plenty of men out there that are actually more compatible with me (you) that I can live with and can live with me (not necessarily literally.)

 

Based on your actual question, my SO calls me two to three times daily and we sometimes have what I refer to as a "text fest" on a basis that I would charactarize as at least twice weekly. Then again, he actually turned me on to text messaging and I like it very much. I feel like it keeps us in touch in a way that thoughts don't always require a phone call. It is often very sexy!

[allina]

My computer is always logged on aim, so me and my SO often im during the day from work. I never im him first at these times because there is no way for me to tell if he is busy or not, he'll always at least say hi baby and send me an aim kiss Usually he comes home to me after work and stays the night but if he doesnt we usually talk after work and before bed. We rarely talk on the phone for long though, it's usually just "hi, how's your day going" especially since we see each other so much.

[Pyro]

It will vary on a daily basis but we will usually talk once or twice during the work day just to see how things are going. Neither one of us talk over the computer because she doesn't use her IM and I don't have a myspace account. We always make sure to call each other at the end of the night after we get home just to make sure we arrived alright. (We live about 25 minutes apart)

[insomnie]

My exSO and I would have one perfunctory conversation lasting less than 3 minutes per day. I too also always felt like I needed to "keep it short" lest I annoy him.

 

I think this really contributed to my unhappiness, which in turn contributed to our fights and subsequent downfall.

 

Voice your concerns Lovestruck. If you need him to do something, ask him to do it. If he won't, figure out why.

 

It could be that he really just doens't like talking on the phone or texting. If that's the case, he is probably offering you attention and emotional intimacy in other ways, like by talking to you more in depth when you DO see him.

 

It could be that he is simply taking you for granted.

 

Or, it could be that he isn't interested enough in you to WANT to talk to you. That, I think, was what was happening in my relationship. If this is the case, then I really think you should leave him. Because you deserve someone who IS interested enough in you to miss you and give you what you need.

 

I don't think that you're asking for too much. I do think that you are letting a lot slide by with this bf of yours, though, and that you need to raise your standards.

[whichwayisup]

I usually talk to my husband afew times at work, either he calls me or I call him. He always calls on his way home too, asks if we need anything from the store.

[Woggle]

My wife and I talk all the time and all of our coworkers know each other by now because we stop and eat lunch together sometimes. Some of this is due to being newlyweds but I hope we don't lose this happiness to see each other.

[IpAncA]

IpAncA, he's the same as far as rather talk in person. Hey, I like talking in person too, I much prefer it, but when you're about an hour away from him at work and you start to miss him, I don't think it's too criminal to have a chat.....

 

And then he'll come out with lines like "I'm not a girl, Tess, I don't 'chat'!!"

 

Calling you once in a while isn't going to hurt him. There's nothing wrong with calling even if it's like for 5 mins just to say hi.

[The Labyrinth]

I was just wondering that maybe he might be afraid that if he text you during the day, you will eventually think that he is becoming needy and clingy.

So he only talks and chats when he was already planned to hang with you. And eventually he got used to it and now its becoming a habit. But i do agree with the above post that as a guy its always better to know that you enjoy receiving his texts and calls. So that he can start without having any second thoughts of what you would think.

Well thats just my thoughts

[PussInHeels]

We talk while he's at work if he'll be home late, if he needs me to do something, if I need to ask him something, or if he's spending the night in the hospital and wants to chat before bed. Otherwise, I try not to bother him.

[ash519]

My bf of 18 months and I's work convo's really vary day to day. Some days not at all, others once with a couple emails, others like 5 times. I used to want a call everyday or i would silently get upset and then i got over it. SOme days i feel like he calls too much! Like today!!!

 

Have a happy thanksgiving everyone!!!

[allina]

I just realised something. Since I met my SO there hasn't been a day that we didn't talk. Weird.

[lovestruck234]

Thanks for everyone's input...

 

So yesterday I finshed work early and sent him a message saying "Hey sweetheart. I'm catching the early train home today, did you wanna go to the beach when I get home?"

 

He didn't reply. Then when I was about half an hour away from home, on the train, I get a phone call from him. He basically said he didn't want to go to the beach because his favourite TV show was on tonight...yeah, real sweet priorities you got there...

 

Is it just me or are other things in his life prioritising over me? I'm not expecting ME to come first, but a friggen TV SHOW?....

 

And that's the thing. You know what he told me? That he won't be shouting me anywhere anymore, as in, not paying for me...

 

He tells me he needs to save his money. Yet he owns a motorbike and spends thousands on upgrading that, but the minute I ask if he wants to go out to lunch it's always "No darlin, I can't afford it..."

 

 

GAAAARGH!! He never wants to go anywhere because "he can't afford it"...hell, he's on better wages than me and I still afford to do things on a weekend. He never wants to do anything. The other weekend we were palnning on going out west to watch one of his old friends ride in a rodeo. I was really looking forward to it, then on the friday afternoon he tells me that "We're not going now...I've got more importnant things to do" I said "Like what, Rhys?" And he tells me "Oh, I've got a bit of work to do around the house, my moto, you know...stuff.." I said "No Rhys, I don't know. Come on, we NEVER go anywhere on weekends. We're both young, have our licences, don't you wanna do something?"

 

"Nup, I can't, I'm too busy..."

 

We ended up staying at home eating pizza and watching boring TV for most of the weekend.

 

He's getting so boring. He never wants to do anything.

 

Ok, get this, he taught me how to ride motorbikes right? So now I do MotoX and stuff, and I told him I wanted to teach him how to surf and he told me he doesn't do that. Hell, I never used to like motorbikes till now and now I love them. He never gives things a go. He's so small-minded.

 

Sorry, bit of a rant there.

 

So back to the phone, he works at a Quarry right? So that means he drives excavators, big machinery...pretty much breaking up rock all day and loading it into trucks etc..so he IS busy during the day, I understand that, so that's a main reason why I feel I shouldn't call him...

 

You know, I even find myself holding back from calling him even when he's NOT at work, cos I don't want to "bug him". Why is that? I shouldn't even have to be thinking like that. It's ridiculous... I've accidentally called him a couple of times while he's in the middle of dinner and he's gone off at me about it. So I don't really call him of an early evening, I just wait to see him....

 

YOu know, I could sit there and talk to him all day on the phone, it wouldn't bother me, but the only thng that's holding me back is the way he is on the phone. You know, I'll ring him at work and he'll be like "Righteo, can't be sitting around chatting all day. Gotta go.." I feel like I'm under pressure or some time limit when I talk to him, you know, that I can't even sit there and chat to my own boyfriend....

 

ARGH.

[PussInHeels]

Ok, get this, he taught me how to ride motorbikes right? So now I do MotoX and stuff, and I told him I wanted to teach him how to surf and he told me he doesn't do that. Hell, I never used to like motorbikes till now and now I love them. He never gives things a go. He's so small-minded.

 

And lucky! I would love to learn how to surf...

[allina]

Blah, he seems lame and unhappy. I don't see how he's still keeping you around, you seem to have so many interests while he's just this boring b*tchy blob of a guy.

 

He should want to chat with you and call you on his own, it should naturally happen. For example, my bf flew to the east coast today to visit his family. I was talking to my friend, and around 1pm I say to her "M is going to be landing soon" not a min later my bf calls just to say Hi, I landed, how is your day going and all that stuff. It's one of those things people in relationships automatically do. I don't understand Rhys at all.

[lovestruck234]

Blah, he seems lame and unhappy. I don't see how he's still keeping you around, you seem to have so many interests while he's just this boring b*tchy blob of a guy.

 

He should want to chat with you and call you on his own, it should naturally happen. For example, my bf flew to the east coast today to visit his family. I was talking to my friend, and around 1pm I say to her "M is going to be landing soon" not a min later my bf calls just to say Hi, I landed, how is your day going and all that stuff. It's one of those things people in relationships automatically do. I don't understand Rhys at all.

 

Yeah, I understand what you mean...

 

The only thing he wants to do is go motorbike riding. That's all. That's all that's on his mind ALL THE TIME. "Let's go out on the dirt bikes, Tess.."

 

I mean, I love motorbike riding, I compete. But I don't let it comsume the whole % of my life. It gets a little much sometimes...I just wish...he would want to do stuf, you know, like spotaneously...."let's go down the coast.." or "Let's go out to Canberra for the weekend" or "Lets go camping" instead of "I've gotta work on my bike this weekend.."

 

Ugh. BORING! He sometimes says "Tess, dont' you get sick of surfing?" and I'll be like "No Rhys, because I do OTHER things OTHER than surfing...it doesn't take up my whole life.." I mean, it plays a big part, but I know how to prioritise...

 

That's his problem. Ok, he got his drivers licence this year, I've had mine for a few more months than him and I STILL LOOOOOVE going for road trips down the coast, or even just driving for that matter. I love it, it's like having your own freedom, responosbility...I LOVE IT! But Rhys is already sick of driving. He told me "The novelty wears off pretty quickly..." what? The novelty of being able to go out and do what you want, WHEN you want wears off? Nuh uh, I dont' think so.

 

It's that f*cking motorbike that's getting in the way. LOL, I'm not planning on stopping him from riding, but he needs to get out and do other things!!! He hasn't even been out of the country....

[Pyro]

I just realised something. Since I met my SO there hasn't been a day that we didn't talk. Weird.

 

Same here. I wouldn't call it weird. I would call it love.