herenow Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I'm confused about all the talk that we are not getting along All I see here are people saying how they feel. We can only base how we feel on what our experiences are. I don't see the name calling that has been mentioned. I see people who disagree with each other, but I don't see anyone being unreasonable. Maybe you are talking about pasted threads or ones that I have not read. I have been able to have some very good discussions here, but I'm now feeling like I should go because my point of view isn't what you are looking for. Please let me know if this is true and I will go. It's a waste of my time and yours if we aren't helping each other.
Freedom Now Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Sometimes the things that are said are painful to hear and are hurtful. I am sure it does not feel good for the BS to hear about the wonderful sex the OW has with "her" MM. Likewise, it doesn't feel good for the OW to feel judged for her decisions to stay with a MM. And let's face it: people are quite blunt. And when wounds are open and gaping, it can sometimes feel like an attack. I think both sides are incredibly sensitive due to the degree of pain that these affairs illicit. And that is understandable. These are highly charged situations and the pain runs deep. I, personally, would love for us to unite as one front, but it appears impossible. Perhaps I am wrong. Stay. You are welcome here.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I've yet to be offended. I've been getting a lot out of all the dialogue going back and forth. From all sides. There's just one side that's missing.....
Author herenow Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 I've yet to be offended. I've been getting a lot out of all the dialogue going back and forth. From all sides. There's just one side that's missing..... Yeah, I know. Wish we could get some MM here to talk about their part in this mess.
Freedom Now Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Wouldn't that be nice? But, they are, at heart, cowards I think. They couldn't take the heat. Cause, let's face it. It gets pretty hot in here!
BenThereDunThat Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Wouldn't that be nice? But, they are, at heart, cowards I think. They couldn't take the heat. Cause, let's face it. It gets pretty hot in here! Cowardly is right. That's what gets most of them into this mess I think. Speaking of, as I'm typing this my entire floor is being set up for a big shin dig for our CEO. Lots of activity. It's been amusing watching him have to avoid me at just about every turn. This is MY turf, buddy boy!!
pricillia Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Here now, I value your opinion... You have life experience that goes along with it... like many of us. I do not think that you should leave this site. I will say though that if you have a friend that you did not know was a OW, and she reached out to for help. (and when I say you I mean in general)... and she was seeing a MM knowingly or unknowingly would you still be her friend and help her through the pain... or would you hate her?
pricillia Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Cowardly is right. That's what gets most of them into this mess I think. Speaking of, as I'm typing this my entire floor is being set up for a big shin dig for our CEO. Lots of activity. It's been amusing watching him have to avoid me at just about every turn. This is MY turf, buddy boy!! does he even look at you or talk to you?
noforgiveness Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I've yet to be offended. I've been getting a lot out of all the dialogue going back and forth. From all sides. There's just one side that's missing..... What surprises me BTDT is that none of the OW have come down on you. I think you have been extremely honest in condemning your married man and probably making a lot of OW's think. You've been hitting your situation and MM hard and no one seems to mind but if the wife makes a comment on the life an OW must endure all hell breaks loose. Kindof funny. I guess they would like to pretend us wives do not exist. The whole seen but not heard thing.
Author herenow Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Wouldn't that be nice? But, they are, at heart, cowards I think. They couldn't take the heat. Cause, let's face it. It gets pretty hot in here! I had mentioned in another thread that the most volatile posts are the ones that get the most hits. I think down deep, people like it here because they get to say things they ordinarily wouldn't say to someone they know. Sometimes those things are plain nasty, but saying it here is rather therapeutic and helps us deal with the reality of our situation. This works for both the BW and the OW. I know personally, things that are said here don't hurt me because it's not said to me as an individual. Even if someone said something directly to me, they really don't know me and they are reacting to something I said that hit a nerve.
noforgiveness Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Here now, I value your opinion... You have life experience that goes along with it... like many of us. I do not think that you should leave this site. I will say though that if you have a friend that you did not know was a OW, and she reached out to for help. (and when I say you I mean in general)... and she was seeing a MM knowingly or unknowingly would you still be her friend and help her through the pain... or would you hate her? I'm going to answerthis also if you don't mind. No i would not hate her but I would absolutely tell her she is CRAZY for putting her life on hold and helping with the destruction of a family. I would be still friends but I would be honest with her about the destructive no good lifestyle she is leading. Nothing good can come from this. Someone will always be hurt and you will have years of pain just WAITING for the day that maybe he could be your. Friends need to offer honest support not blow smoke up your butt and tell you what you want to hear.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 does he even look at you or talk to you? Good lord no! I've let him know that that would not AT ALL be well-received. I feel like he does look at me, even felt as if he stared me down a couple times. Can't say for sure as I won't return his gaze. I think he's pretty much given up on that now too. I hate that it's come to that, but so what. It's the only way I can do it. If he doesn't like it, that's too bad. We have not spoken a word to each other in over 5 weeks. He's been doing a good job of mostly staying on his side of the building, which I do give him a teeny bit of credit for. But where his office is situated it would be just as easy for him to use a different hallway as it is to use the one that runs behind me.
pricillia Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Good lord no! I've let him know that that would not AT ALL be well-received. I feel like he does look at me, even felt as if he stared me down a couple times. Can't say for sure as I won't return his gaze. I think he's pretty much given up on that now too. I hate that it's come to that, but so what. It's the only way I can do it. If he doesn't like it, that's too bad. We have not spoken a word to each other in over 5 weeks. He's been doing a good job of mostly staying on his side of the building, which I do give him a teeny bit of credit for. But where his office is situated it would be just as easy for him to use a different hallway as it is to use the one that runs behind me. oh well hang in there... you are doing great
Freedom Now Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I had mentioned in another thread that the most volatile posts are the ones that get the most hits. I think down deep, people like it here because they get to say things they ordinarily wouldn't say to someone they know. Sometimes those things are plain nasty, but saying it here is rather therapeutic and helps us deal with the reality of our situation. This works for both the BW and the OW. I know personally, things that are said here don't hurt me because it's not said to me as an individual. Even if someone said something directly to me, they really don't know me and they are reacting to something I said that hit a nerve. Good point. I just absolutely dislike being put into a box. There are so many facets to all of us women....we are all wonderful in our own ways. We need to cultivate those strengths. We are a formidable bunch.
Author herenow Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Here now, I value your opinion... You have life experience that goes along with it... like many of us. I do not think that you should leave this site. I will say though that if you have a friend that you did not know was a OW, and she reached out to for help. (and when I say you I mean in general)... and she was seeing a MM knowingly or unknowingly would you still be her friend and help her through the pain... or would you hate her? First let me start by saying that I don't hate anyone here. Yes, I do hate the OW that had an affair with my H, but none of you are her (that I know of anyway). As far as a friend having an affair, that is a great question. I do have a married friend that had an affair with a single guy. I love her dearly for who she is and her affair didn't change that. I did however intervene and helped her work on why she had the affair. I found out after her husband did and there was nothing I could say that would have changed the fact that she had an affair, so I decided to help her put her life back together. Had she come to me before she had the affair, I would have told her she was crazy and in no way would I give her any blessings. Had she come to me during the affair, I would have done everything in my power to get her out of it.
TheDiva Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Good lord no! I've let him know that that would not AT ALL be well-received. I feel like he does look at me, even felt as if he stared me down a couple times. Can't say for sure as I won't return his gaze. I think he's pretty much given up on that now too. I hate that it's come to that, but so what. It's the only way I can do it. If he doesn't like it, that's too bad. We have not spoken a word to each other in over 5 weeks. He's been doing a good job of mostly staying on his side of the building, which I do give him a teeny bit of credit for. But where his office is situated it would be just as easy for him to use a different hallway as it is to use the one that runs behind me. He messed with the wrong woman! 5 weeks strong Way to go BTDT! Thread jacking over Really, you should stay Herenow. You make interesting points and discussions.
Author herenow Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 He messed with the wrong woman! 5 weeks strong Way to go BTDT! Thread jacking over Really, you should stay Herenow. You make interesting points and discussions. Thank you. I will try my best to be truthful and respectful. And BTDT, you are an inspiration to all who come here for help.
sinceyouasked Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Yeah, I know. Wish we could get some MM here to talk about their part in this mess. I've been watching and reading, but have seen other MM's flayed so was hesitant. But, since you asked, I'm here. What do you want to know?
Author herenow Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 I've been watching and reading, but have seen other MM's flayed so was hesitant. But, since you asked, I'm here. What do you want to know? Wow, this is great, thank you. Get ready because I'm sure you will be flooded with questions. I'm assuming you are married and had an affair. First question, If there were problems in your marriage and you were unhappy, why didn't you talk to your wife before starting a relationship with another woman? I have never typed so fast in my life!!!!!
pricillia Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Wow, this is great, thank you. Get ready because I'm sure you will be flooded with questions. I'm assuming you are married and had an affair. First question, If there were problems in your marriage and you were unhappy, why didn't you talk to your wife before starting a relationship with another woman? I have never typed so fast in my life!!!!! Here now... you made me laugh with that last line!
pricillia Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I've been watching and reading, but have seen other MM's flayed so was hesitant. But, since you asked, I'm here. What do you want to know?[/quote since you asked... Thanks for posting... I only have one question Is one woman enough for you?
Author herenow Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Here now... you made me laugh with that last line! I should have started this thread earlier because I have to go pick up the kids now. HEY EVERYONE, WE HAVE A MM HERE THAT IS WILLING TO GIVE SOME ANSWERS. Let's all take advantage of him (in a good way). I'm off to get the kids, I hope everyone has a great evening, and if I'm not back until next week, hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.
lighthouse Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I've been watching and reading, but have seen other MM's flayed so was hesitant. But, since you asked, I'm here. What do you want to know? Brave of you sinceyouasked. You probably will hear somethings that you don't want to hear but try and hang around please. It would help a lot of people out and, hopefully, will help you as well. lighthouse
BenThereDunThat Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I'm in such shock, I'm going to need some time to get my thoughts together. Maybe you should start a separate thread.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Thank you. I will try my best to be truthful and respectful. And BTDT, you are an inspiration to all who come here for help. Thank you for that. If I can empower anyone else who wishes to get out from under, then I am happy to do so. So many helped me, that I vowed when I felt better I would make sure and attempt to do the same.
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