GirlFromOz Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I would love to hear from people with stories or experiences of MM leaving his wife for the OW. Did it work out? If so, for how long? Did MM & OW get married? Have kids? What happened in BW's life?
GreenEyedLady Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 My best friend's xH left her for his OW...it lasted about a year after D-day, but they both had their own problems...two coworkers I know left both their spouses and got married and they've been married for 7 years now...
bonehead Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 alot of it has to do with the relationship between the mm/mw and the op. Also has alot to do with the real situation of the marriage. I was still married when I got involved with mw, but my ex wife and I had already set a seperation date. MW was in a marriage where everyone including her inlaws were telling her to leave but she was afraid to due to ALOT of debt from a failed business her husband was in. Once that debt was cleared she left. Was it for me? I dont know. Was it in part because of me? Yes. She didnt feel trapped, knew she had people supporting her emotionally and as her dad put it she had a true friend backing her with no expectations. She has admitted that she wouldnt have left if it wasnt for me. She would have just gone on existing in a marriage that wasnt.
silktricks Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 One couple I know were formerly OW and MM. He left his wife and they eventually married (though not until after the ex-wife married). They've been married about 6 years and now have a child. I don't know if I'd call it a success, however, as he constantly speaks of his ex-wife, and his current wife (former OW) is one of the most unhappy women I know.
Ripples Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I think a far more accurate response to the question, than any personal response given, would be a survey of this forum.
Author GirlFromOz Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Thanks everyone for your responses, but I can only conclude that there aren't too many success stories and that only the MM "wins" in the end (in terms of extra sex & attention) while the OW & BS are left to rebuild their lives!?!
Author GirlFromOz Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 alot of it has to do with the relationship between the mm/mw and the op. Interesting comment, bonehead. What do you mean by that?
TheDiva Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I would love to hear from people with stories or experiences of MM leaving his wife for the OW. Did it work out? If so, for how long? Did MM & OW get married? Have kids? What happened in BW's life? Case #1: (I try to avoid these people but can't for various reasons) MM left W, OW left BF. They are now married for around 12 years. No children together. BW has moved on. Sounds rosey from there? MM turned H has been caught outright with 2 OW's during their marriage. Who knows if there are more? These days W suspects that there is a #3, sadly she believes it to be her own sister. Not yet confirmed..... Are they together, Yes. Are they happy? I don't think so but I am not in the house with them though. They haven't spent much time together this year. W has been on countless vacations without him, and when I see them together there is a tension that can be cut with a dull knife. case #2 (extended family member...) Is what I call a pro OW. These are rare but do exsist. She is the BW's worst nightmare. She is always on the prowl for the next MM. I know of 3 MM she has gotten to leave marriages. 2 of them went through with D's before she moved on to the next MM. One she married, they weren't together for a year before filling for divorce. As far as I know the 3rd went back to his wife before the D was final. She isn't a bunny-boiler, just has some serious commitment issues. #3 (very close to MW) A MW/MM combo. Both are in satisfying marriages I guess. They have talked about leaving to be together, but neither really wants to make the first move. MM almost left wife, for a few hours one time. <--(I wish I could explain this joke here. This isn't laughing at the sitch) MW sent him back real quick not wanting to jeopardize her own M. #4 is My very own father.......... I suppose he is happy with former OW now W of a bunch of years.They have no children together. My mother is soooo much better off without him! I don't really have much to do with him. He lost all rights to me, when he wanted his OW enough to leave his family. I wouldn't have cared for him to be happy, truly, except he expected us (his children) to just turn to smoke because he found the 'love of his life'.. They haven't been good to each other through the years. Just look at the police reports... But they are still together. Success story? I guess. I just hope he never needs a kidney or what-not because I have adopted the attitude of do unto others..... and he has only met one of my three children. (there is a thread somewhere in family that I answered about cheating parents that has an expanded view) I guess it just depends on the POV you have in the sitch. Chances aren't good for OW in general. #'s 1 and 4 would be success stories? 2 would be just sad. She really isn't a bad person....just don't let her near a MM. I should know she tried with my H. Poor man didn't even know it either, he's a bit clueless sometimes. I had to point it out to him! Because she is a family member of mine I know her MO. #3 I would say is success, I don't agree with what they are doing, but that's looking through my own lens. I should also say that she has suspected her H of fooling around, so maybe deep down it's revenge???? I don't discuss it with her anymore, we agreed to disagree, but I might ask her one day. Does that help any?
herenow Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Case #1: (I try to avoid these people but can't for various reasons) Is what I call a pro OW. These are rare but do exsist. She is the BW's worst nightmare. She is always on the prowl for the next MM. I know of 3 MM she has gotten to leave marriages. 2 of them went through with D's before she moved on to the next MM. One she married, they weren't together for a year before filling for divorce. As far as I know the 3rd went back to his wife before the D was final. She isn't a bunny-boiler, just has some serious commitment issues. I know one of these. She had two affairs with MM that left their W for her and I don't know how many she had that didn't leave. She didn't marry either one of them. She married some poor guy who doesn't realize what he has gotten into. She complains about him all the time, but no one understands why because we all think he's a great guy. But we don't live with him, so we really don't know. So, she is still having affairs with MM, but since she is married herself, none of them have left their wives. I guess she gets off on MM choosing her over their wife because she didn't care about these guys once they were single. I'm sure a MM could act like this and that would indeed be a nightmare for eveyone involved.
milvushina Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Diva & herenow - interesting stories, especially about the "professional OW." It seems to me that sometimes people really do make a mistake when they get married, get ready to walk, and sometimes meet a person who gives them an extra shove to leave. But I would be really leery of someone who hesitates instead of leaving right away. I began an affair, really briefly, with my current husband before I left my ex. I mean I left a matter of days later. It was the hardest thing ever, financially speaking, but also really smart. I kind of have a problem understanding how people can continue to live with a spouse and pretend everything is normal; also, if you care about someone (ow/om) it seems they don't deserve to be a dark secret, they are a person and not a band-aid for you because your spouse treats you badly. But we didn't have any kids, and lord knows that complicates things SO much. Also we might not "count" yet, since we have only been married one year/lived together 2 years. We have not even had a real fight yet.
bonehead Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 The TRUE relationship between the MM and MW. Not what he is saying to get what he wants but the TRUTH. And the relationship between the OW and MM. In my situation no matter what happened I knew I had one of my best friends. I wasnt losing that. If the relatioship went farther great, if not I still had my best friend. Mine really was built on a great friendship with the MW. But we also had boundries in place that ( you could say ) protected me from waiting for nothing. And no matter what happened I have no doubt the friendship would last.
pureinheart Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I know that your question is asking about personal experiences, but in my line of work I saw a lot of break ups due to OW and OM.....out of about 50 I know of only one that lasted....in a group of about 5K people in the early 80's ofcourse we don't all commincate anymore, but some of us are still in the field and someone talks to someone....you know....rumor control is still alive and well.... The other 49 stayed together for a reasonable amount of time and then moved on to other people
TheDiva Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Diva & herenow - interesting stories, especially about the "professional OW." It seems to me that sometimes people really do make a mistake when they get married, get ready to walk, and sometimes meet a person who gives them an extra shove to leave. But I would be really leery of someone who hesitates instead of leaving right away. I began an affair, really briefly, with my current husband before I left my ex. I mean I left a matter of days later. It was the hardest thing ever, financially speaking, but also really smart. I kind of have a problem understanding how people can continue to live with a spouse and pretend everything is normal; also, if you care about someone (ow/om) it seems they don't deserve to be a dark secret, they are a person and not a band-aid for you because your spouse treats you badly. But we didn't have any kids, and lord knows that complicates things SO much. Also we might not "count" yet, since we have only been married one year/lived together 2 years. We have not even had a real fight yet. I only call her a pro OW because it's how she works. She isn't happy with the MM once she gets him. From where I am sitting, she doesn't have true feelings for these men. If she finds what is missing within her, then she might have a chance at a stable relationship. If what I posted made you feel bad, I am sorry. I can understand bad relationships /marriages. My parents had one.(but I never knew it I was young when they divorced) Falling in love and staying together forever is different from destroying one marriage after another and never finding what you are looking for. (You being an in general "you") Also I should point out the "experts" say that if a MM don't leave in 6 months chances are he won't ever...
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