Guest Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Your scenario doesn't quite fit mine (when I was in the affair, several months ago). OP (xMM) wasn't suffering the lack of my company on holidays, nights, etc. for the simple reason that he was the male equivalent of me. Married and devoted to his family. And yes, it was horribly difficult, and no, I do not think affairs are justified or a great way to live.
puddleofmud Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 I am trying to understand the reason why men in particular go back to their wives even though they are still in love with the OW and not with their W. I have read on here many posts of men who chose to stay in their marriage or partnership and live in misery to avoid the whole ordeal of a divorce. It amazes me how many people would rather stay in an unhappy union over mobilizing themselves for a big change and of course some suffering. It is never easy to start again. I think you may have already "figured it out". Attached persons who are within an affair are literally offered a choice. As one can too often observe they choose what is reliable, as in what they already know (miserable or not). If these attached persons were capable of negotiation to begin with they wouldn't be trolling, much less mobilizing themselves into a place of self awareness. If these attached persons refuse to be self-aware what could possibly be attractive about them?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Our situations are undoubtedly different. I seriously didn't mean to imply that they were the same. I also stay in a marriage where my needs are unmet. Haven't really found the words to tell my story yet, but I do know onething. I believe, like you, that I would be completely justified in stepping outside of the marriage for physical and emotional reasons BUT, because my situation is different, I want to find somthing/someone (0neday) that is incapable of inflicting the pain and torture that I have endured. "That" person wouldn't be sleeping with a married woman. That person would believe in responsibility for ones actions, not justification for ones actions. It's kind of sad really that I question whether a person like that exists, I do know that there is one - me, so I'm holding out for one more! Crazy,though, It seems here lately that there a hords of men willing to qualify and tell me how justified I would be in doing just that. I don't consider it a compliment though.
NoIDidn't Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Crazy,though, It seems here lately that there a hords of men willing to qualify and tell me how justified I would be in doing just that. I don't consider it a compliment though. Because it isn't. Most men see a MW that is willing to have sex with someone other than her H as an easy lay. Someone who will put out, but not expect them to actually do anything for that sex. I have had a lot of my H's so-called friends come on to me since they learned of his "indiscretion". The ones that come to you truly only want you for what they can get out of it. End thread jack.
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