Bill3045 Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Ok Folks heres a long one: My last thread "Why So Weak" is still one page one. It sets a prelude to what I'm about to present. On Friday the 17th my soon to be X called me from a local tavern around 8:30 PM and asked me to come down. Apparently my new found friendship with a girl (met on a divorce forum) was weighing heavy on her mind. Enough so that she failed to come home to her boyfriend like she promised at 8:00 PM. I was with my daughter at our home (wife lived with boyfriend). Like alot of people here, I still love my wife (at least that is what I thought). I broke weak, took my daughter to the babysitter and met her at the bar. It wasn't long before we were embracing. But, something didn't feel right. I noticed old friends, mostly hers, watching us and it occurred me; She was using me again to pump her esteem. To keep me on the line. I left before I finished my Bud Light. That night she came over (around 12:30 AM ). Laid next to me in bed and wanted to make love. I told her no. I told her to go home. She did. Saturday (early AM). She calls and tells me she still loves me. I tell her that she is the mother of my daughter and that I will always love her, but there is no future with us. Later that day she picks up my daughter. Later that day (late afternoon) She shows up with my daughter. Guess what, she's been kick out of her boyfriends house. Mother of boyfriend and future daughter in-law take her keys and tell her adios. Fast forward to Monday (Today). My wife calls me at work. Now that she faces the prospect of losing her boyfriend, he is now the cornerstone of her life. I'm back to number two. She tells me that the future daghter in-law is a witch and may call me, to further erode her relationship with her boyfriend. She actually wanted me to disregard anything she had to say. She told me that her boyfriend was her life and her love. She was on her way to convince him all was good. After that conversation was over I snapped. No longer did I love her. It was a strange feeling. An acknowledgement of her past deeds. Her past lovers, some entertained when I was in Iraq, others before and still others after. Yea, 11 years of denial. (Clarity). Today I decided to confront her boyfriend, someone who I have hated, who has tormented me as an unknown competition. Today I decided to let him in on some secrets while he was still undecided. Am I jaded, Hell yes. Am I bitter, darn right I am. Am I vengeful, first time ever I pulled those tricks out of my bag, but yes, guess I am. And boy do I feel good. I drove an hour to his house. Didn't even know what he looked like. Didn't know what would ensue. Knocked on the door. Here comes out of the door, a big ole Hoss. Now I'm no momma's boy but damn, if it came down to knights honor, I would have left him alone and kicked rocks. But I was on a mission. I began to tell him where she was on that Friday night, where she was one month ago (with me), what she did in Iraq when I was away, and several other things that I just soon not mention. Funny thing. I looked back at this man and I saw sleepy red eyes. Like I have. I looked at a man that had something in common with me. I didn't hate him, I actually was bonding with him. His brother and girlfriend (future sister in-law) were at the door. Told me they respected me for coming straight foward. He stuck out a big ole beefy hand and said thank you and I'm sorry for the trouble I caused you. I told him I could go on and on but it would only served to show what a fool I have been and would be pointless if he didn't grasp the situation that he was now in. He said he didn't want to hear no more. My soon to be X called about a half hour later and said I ruined her life. I told her join the club.
Gunny376 Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I've always said that one good deed deserves another! And, congrats to waking up to her BS mindgames! For a long time ~ I beat the Hell up out of myself about my "D" but I've come to understand that since having came to LS that there are those that are cheaters and there are those that aren't. Its ugly, and its not fun and its not pretty ~ its just the way that it is ~ just that plain, and just that simple. Better to wake up to after 11 years ~ than 40 years such as my Dad's best friend went through. I mean 50 ~ 60 years old and out scroggin everything in sight for five counties that she could get with! Come on!
Author Bill3045 Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 Well Gunny, Hell hath no fury...... Today I was served with a protection order. On the order is my wife, her boyfriend, and my daughter. This is payback. Now she's denying me my daughter. Her explanation: "Defendant made very harassing and threatening phone calls. Defendant went to plaintiffs boyfriends house making accusations. Defendant also had 9 year old daughter with him at this time and utilized her to get directions. I currently work in law enforcement field and cannot have this type of contact." First of all I never made any harrassing or threatening phone calls. How does that fit the leagal criteria" The court finds reasonable cause to believe that the defendant may commit an act of domestic violence..." I'm also in law enforcement. I have never engaged in any activity nor displayed any behavior that would suggest a move toward domestic violence. Now, in abstentia, without benefit of rebutal, my wife, out of retribution, can deny me access to my daughter.
Ladyjane14 Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Bill, I do hope you're seeing an attorney about that. The court usually will give a PO to just about any woman who asks for one. It's a 'better safe than sorry' stratagy. But later on... when you get into divorce court, it usually looks pretty bad for the woman who uses that resource without needing it. IOW, if she wasn't REALLY frightened of you.... she yanked the chains of alot of court officers. These folks generally have better things to do than to help a WW get even because her husband ratted her out to her adultery partner.
Author Bill3045 Posted November 24, 2006 Author Posted November 24, 2006 [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]DESCRIPTION OF CAUSE FOR ORDER OF PROTECTION[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]Plaintiff states that on 11/20/06, Defendant made very harassing and threatening phone calls. Defendant went to Plaintiffs boyfriend’s house making accusations. Defendant also had nine year old daughter with him at this time and utilized her to get directions.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]Defendant further states that she works for law enforcement and cannot have this type of contact.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]DEFENDANT’S RESPONSE[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]It is true that on November 20, 2006, I utilized my daughter for directions to Plaintiff’ boyfriend’s house. [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I have no plausible reason or excuse for that action. I betrayed the trust and love of my daughter and for that I am deeply ashamed. I have reflected on this deed continuously and I cannot fathom my reasoning or my callousness toward my daughter’s feelings.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I love my daughter deeply and I will always regret this action.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I also admit to this court that I did make accusations to my wife’s boyfriend, and for that I am deeply ashamed. My motives were selfish and extremely hurtful to my wife and her boyfriend.[/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]Without intention of lessening the impact of my actions, I wish to advise the court that my daughter was in my truck and not within listening range of my accusations.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I have not made threatening or harassing phones calls to my wife. The late afternoon after my visit to her boyfriend was concluded, my wife and I both engaged in several calls. Both my wife and I had heated exchanges. During one of the calls I told my wife that I would refuse to pay the mortgage if she attempted to have me removed from my home.[/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I have never once threatened her with harm or harassed her in any manner.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]Your honor, I am extremely remorseful for using my daughter and making accusation to my wife’s boyfriend. There is no justifiable excuse for my actions.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I am not a violent person, nor do I wish harm to anybody. Although there were no physical altercations, I am cognoscente that my actions were careless and my words were hurtful.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]Your honor, I am being truthful when I state that this was an isolated incident. I used extremely poor judgment. More significant than that, I demonstrated cold indifference to the feelings of my daughter, my wife and her boyfri[/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I let my emotions rule my mind when I drove to my wife’s boyfriend’s house. I have learned a hard and costly lesson.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I love my daughter and I miss her greatly. I know that she loves me too. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I need no incentive or admonishment to clarify the gravity of my actions.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3]I am truly sorry. I will never repeat this course of action or any other behavior that could be even remotely viewed as endangering or harassing any individual named in this Order or otherwise.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
Gunny376 Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Get an attorney, Bill. Yea! Like she said!!!
Author Bill3045 Posted November 24, 2006 Author Posted November 24, 2006 LadyJane, Can't afford a lawyer. I know, can't afford not to have one. I am beside myself. Ashamed for using my daughter. I now bought a ticket to a hearing 12/04/06, where I will now have to prostate myself before my wife and her boyfriend. There is no excuse for using my daughter. Instead of taking the highroad and moving on, I have slid to the bottom. I fell for the wiles of my wife. She let me in enough to give me hope (I know, what hope?) Then she dashed it. I retaliate by telling her boyfriend that she was seeing me and a slew of other things that, although true, had no purpose but to GET EVEN. How small of me. Three months of little to no sleep has taken it's toll on me. Emotions took over logic. Please tell me I'm not a horrible person.
Ladyjane14 Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 LadyJane, Can't afford a lawyer. I know, can't afford not to have one. That's true. You really can't afford NOT to have one. You're about to get screwed here, and the long-term ramifications could be significant. Try calling around first thing Monday morning. You might luck into someone who would be willing to work with you or help you develop a payment plan. Some attorneys will even give a free or low-cost initial consult. You won't know 'til you try. You might also check into some online resources like divorcenet.com, where you'll be able to read the laws state-by-state. That one has a forum as well, so you might find others who are dealing with unnecessary PO's. I am beside myself. Ashamed for using my daughter. I now bought a ticket to a hearing 12/04/06, where I will now have to prostate myself before my wife and her boyfriend. There is no excuse for using my daughter. Instead of taking the highroad and moving on, I have slid to the bottom. I fell for the wiles of my wife. She let me in enough to give me hope (I know, what hope?) Then she dashed it. I retaliate by telling her boyfriend that she was seeing me and a slew of other things that, although true, had no purpose but to GET EVEN. How small of me. Three months of little to no sleep has taken it's toll on me. Emotions took over logic. Please tell me I'm not a horrible person. You aren't a horrible person. Yeah, your daughter probably felt weird about being 'in the middle'... and I would hope that you're more cognizant of her feelings now, and that you'll refrain from putting her in an awkward position in the future. But it sounds to me that we've just about covered the WORST thing you did in this particular scenario. You need to apologize to your daughter, and then let yourself off the hook. Fact is, unless you tell lies... it's NOT slander. Sounds to me like you went there in order to clue the OM in to the fact that his "girlfriend" was working both ends. In essence, you believed you were doing the guy a favor. You said in your first post (above) that you didn't feel any animosity at the time against him. So... the motivating factor was to put halt to your STBX's mindgames, both for you and for the OM. I think it's a mistake to prostrate yourself before the judge. And while I think you would do well to earnestly 'OWN' the one mistake you made, you don't want to come off as hysterical either. Do your best to engage an attorney. Make phone calls. Stop in at waiting rooms. Talk to family members. See what you can do. I think with a little bit of help, you could make the court aware of the fact that your STBX used this PO as a tool to punish you for 'outting' her to her boyfriend. Further, I think if you fail to defend yourself now, you might end up with less parental rights and less input into your daughter's life. That would be a shame, because you sound like a 'stand-up' guy.
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