AmCanIam Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Hi everyone, I really could use some input and suggestions here. Over the course of the past month and a half, I had online met a lady of 34 years. We emailed one another frequently which progressed to phone calls, which then led to our first date. I'm a 34 year old male and have been out of the dating scene for a almost 2 years. Anyway, on our last phone call, I officially asked her out. We originally were going to meet for coffee only where she lives, about 30 minutes from myself. I arrived early and instantly recognized her as she drove up. We both had already seen pictures of one another. We met across the parking lot and exchanged a warm hug with one another. It seemed very natural as if we'd know each other much longer. She asked if I wanted to get a bite to eat instead of just coffee. I said sure. I took her hand and we walked to the restaurant. For the next 2-3 hours, we both seemed to enjoy one anothers company and conversation. Every thing seemed to be going to very well. Towards the end, I asked her if I could see her again and she instantly said "yes" and that "she wasn't going to let me get away so easily." As I walked her to her car, I asked if I could get in to talk a little more. She said "okay" and we did. Then the moment came of whether it would be "kiss or no kiss." Much to my delight, I received not one, but two gentle kisses on the lips. I was on cloud nine!! I could barely contain myself and was looking forward to seeing her again. She asked me to call her when I arrived home and we talked again for another hour. The next day, I wrote her an email telling her how good of a time I had and that I felt a genuine connection with her. I offered some suggestions as to our next date and we agreed to talk again about it. Two days later I still hadn't heard from her either email or phone call, so I emailed her again. In an attempt to be romantic, I wrote her a brief poem and emailed it to her as well as asked if she'd received my last email. One of my suggestions for a second date was a more formal/fancy restaurant where we'd both be dressing up; it required reservations. I let her know that if she wanted to do this, then I'd need to know very soon in order to make the reservations. The next day I did hear back from her via email and she said I was analyzing things too much and that she was just busy and wasn't able to get back to me quickly. She ended it by saying, "don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, and she'd get ahold of me soon." I felt a little bit better about that response but have since became more concerned as its now been 5 days since I've last heard from her. I did phone her 2 days into that 5 days and left a brief message telling her I was thinking about her and asking if she was okay due to a recent violent storm that passed through. I've not heard back from her still and it's now the 6th day. I'm really not sure what if anything I may have did wrong. I really, really thought things went so smoothly between us on our first date. The kiss, the agreement to a second date etc. I'm anxious and distressed about the whole thing and don't know what I should be doing. Its been almost 4 days and I've not contacted her (against my own desires) and she hasn't tried to contact me. is she just plain busy and do I continue to wait? Do I just give up on her and the whole idea? I guess it has hurt me a little because I just don't understand what I may or may not have done wrong. Bottom line, is that I need to know what it is that I should be doing now? C'mon ladies, I'd appreciate some input from your perspective. I've already "drafted" a rather lengthy email expressing my thoughts and feelings about everything. I haven't sent it yet. I've thought about calling her and leaving a message on her phone even if she doesn't answer it. But, what message should I even leave? It feels like I've blown it with her and I don't know what if anything I can do to turn things back around again. Thanks very much everyone. DJ
internetjunkie Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 You wrote her a poem after one date? After the lengthy email telling her how you felt about her? That's probably why she is avoiding you, that is WAY too much too soon and you've scared her off. I've been in a similar situation (with the guy doing too much too soon) and it caused me to back away... alot. My suggestion to you is to back off for a while and just let her contact you. If she doesn't then it wasn't mean to be and you should just move on.
Author AmCanIam Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 You're probably right damn you! I think the consensus with my friends is that I just forked things up pretty good. I was going to ask if there is any way or anything I can do for another opportunity with her or is it a lost cause? I'm kinda surprised that I wasn't even worth telling what I'd done to make her apprehensive. Whatever happened to good old fashioned honesty? I'd hoped she be able to look beyond my little faux pas and understand that I was having the jitters, the crush, the flirt all that with her? Just leave her be? Don't try just one laaasssssttttt time to reach out with either a voice mail message or email? Heck, what do I know about what happens now. It feels wrong to have "lost" an opportunity with her simply because I went a little overboard, read my poem to her. I'm laughing and crying (not literally) at it now so why is she unable to say, "well look, he is a real nice guy and I did kiss him twice on our first date and let him hold my hand at dinner and walking about etc. I think he's a little anxious about things since this is his first date in over a year, so I'll give him another opportunity to show me otherwise." Wouldn't that be a great way to look at things? Thanks kindly for taking the time in offering me your constructive suggestions. Cheers. Dr. Phil
internetjunkie Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 LOL... women don't see things like that (all the time) we see potential stalkers. You remind me SO much of the guy I dated.. we had a cool time hanging out and then I got "the poem" and it freaked me out and I pulled away for about a month before I could get over it. I think you should just avoid contact with her for a while, maybe send her a note via IM or email just to say HELLO and that is IT... don't send e-cards or whatever.. just a small not to say hi... Give her time and space or it will backfire.
shawn_68 Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Do I just give up on her and the whole idea? I guess it has hurt me a little because I just don't understand what I may or may not have done wrong. Bottom line, is that I need to know what it is that I should be doing now? Honestly, I do think you should give up on her. Ler her come to you. But at this point it's probably doubtful. You don't spill your guts to a woman that you barely know. The chase is over for her. She can have you anytime she wants. Game over. Lesson learned. Don't give in so easily. Romance is a game of the perception of value. The easier you are to obtain, the less valuable you become. Anyway ... let things be for now. Just let her come to you.
Author AmCanIam Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Thanks so much Net Junk, I really wish I had a third leg with which to kick myself with!!!! I wanna throw a tantrum and get my way dammit! Stalker? I'm a cop! (I guess they stalk too) Seriously though, your suggestion about a note at a later time seems like a good idea. You're a woman, how long should I wait until I do that? Curse that damn Shakespeare!!!!! Poems are out for me in the future. Nope, I agree an ecard wouldn't be a good idea. What would be a sensible period of time to wait? Don't phone her right? Thanks, I need to grab some tissue now.
Author AmCanIam Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Hey Shawn underscore 68, I hate you too, because you're probably right also!! I spilled my guts, my milk, I spilled everything with her. I thought there was this awesome connection between the two of us but now all I get is a busy signal or no answer at all. I guess this will probably be a tough and rotten lesson for me to learn. I'm 44, I guess I lost the essence of what the chase is. That's the last time I wear my heart on my sleeve! Shawn, you're probably right again. Damn you again. I guess I should just move on, chalk it up, and if she comes to me then great. Can I have a friend call her on my behalf and convince her I'm not a stalker? No, bad idea? I guess I'll have plenty of time to lick my wounds on this one. Anyway, thanks for your input, it's appreciated. Signed, Dr. Phil
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 The next day I did hear back from her via email and she said I was analyzing things too much and that she was just busy and wasn't able to get back to me quickly. She ended it by saying, "don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, and she'd get ahold of me soon." This means she isn't sure and she wants time...So, back off abit and see what happens...If she doesn't contact you within another week, send her an email just saying something like "Look, I don't know what's going on inside your head but if you are having second thoughts just be honest, it's okay." She does owe you an explanation, atleast out of common courtesy.
shawn_68 Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I spilled my guts, my milk, I spilled everything with her. I thought there was this awesome connection between the two of us but now all I get is a busy signal or no answer at all. You just came on a bit strong. No mortal sin was committed. Just give it a break for now. And maybe give her a call a bit later. If she still doesn't respond then move on. She's not the only available woman out there. Every situation is different, but typically it's much better to SHOW that you care without "spilling your guts." Especially so early on. Let her wonder just a little bit where she stands. Can I have a friend call her on my behalf and convince her I'm not a stalker? Hopefully you're just kidding.
Recommended Posts