anna13 Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 My teen son , 16 , is makingme stress out. ever since yesterday he has been really quiet , more then usual. now , usually he is extraordinarly annoying and now he is just like he doesnt want to be bothered. it is making me worried. he got a job ( his first one ) he is going to orientation today but seems not exited , i asked him why and he said why should i be . my H and I are seperated and we are working things out right now . I have been open with my teen about things and he said he has no problem with my H coming back here. as long as my H doesnt tell him what to do . ( arrogant isnt it) but I told my H that i would handle all of the discipline because my teen will just lash out and make me stress out. so my H who doesnt live with us is supposed to come over for thanksgiving afternnon .he wants to spend time with us before he goes to work that day . I am just worried it will be awkward because of the way my teen is behaving . I ask my teen if something is wrong ? he says nothing , i asked him again and he said just me ( I am bothering him) . I feel like my teen is running the show here sometimes, but he knows he isnt but he is surely is making me stress out. I wonder if he is stressed about his job , or my H ( he says he isnt he just wants to relax) I am so clueless and feel stressed . should i just leave him alone? am i making too much of nothing? I dont know. i came home today and used my keys to get into the house and the chain was on , my teen just sat on the couch looking at me i had to tell him to come open the door. he did but took his time. and when i got upset about it he said that he was mad at me because it seemed like i was sneaking up on him and spying , I m like no ~ what and why ? are you doing something you arent supposed to ?, i have my keys you had the chain up he said I should know to knock !!! ... my goodness ! then he says he is mad at me because i was mad at him ... I am really angry and upset right now. he acts like he is so entitled to everything. makes me think how many years do i have left with him? I know that is bad , but I am just really angry right now. and because he is mad at me he is ignoring my toddler and making him feel bad. i just cant stand my teen right now.
Author anna13 Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 ok , he ( my teen) is not really improving , it is almost like he just told himself that he was going to act this way and is following through with it . he is being less then friendly with his little brother, and he is being realy rude with me, if he doesnt want to listen he will walk away from me which i find exremely disrespecfull. I dropped him off at school this morning and my toddler was like Bye ! I Love you! and my teen just looked at him and left , when i tried to tell my teen to at least say bye to his brother , he just looked at me and said pointing his finger to his watch " LOOK - I got one minute to get to class so NO I am not saying anything to toddler and i am going now " what an ass I say. I was so angry . but he was walking away from me to get to class. i just sat in my car looking at his back walking away from me , I am just too annoyed. the fact that he is hurting my toddlers feelings too is what is really bothering me. does anyone have a teenager this age (16) who can relate? I dont know , he used to bug bugbug me and now he does the oposite. I dont get it . he just got a new job and he did the orientation yesterday and is starting tonight . maybe this is why he has so much attitude? he complains he has no friends but with the way his attitude is I am not surprised. I just dont know what to do anymore. Thanksgiving is the day after tomoro and i am expecting my H to come over and I am realy dreading it right now because of my teen's attitude. my toddler is hur tthat his brother seems to be like get lost these days. my teen has everything he needs , what's with the attitude? maybe this is just his way ofbecoming more independant ? shopuld I just leave him alone ? maybe i bug him too much. I dont know. but he is clearly disrespectfull and doesnt seem to want to fix it . i cant really take anything away from him he is older already and just gives too much attitude. I am trying to work things out with my H ( we are seperated) and we seem to be getting somewhere and i am trying to deal with my teen at the same time. I cant tell what is normal already . what the hec is teen behavior , and why do people describe things as normal teen behavior anyway ? I mean when I was 15 , I wasnt this unresonable . every person and teen is an individual and could it just me that my teen is just an arrogant jerk and will become an arrogant jerk of an adult? I am really frustrated. I am planning to support him through college but my H and I had a plan to live with us till he was done with college or till he ( my teen) wanted to move out on his own. now , i am thinking that it may be better that he moves out at 18 and i can still support him through college. my toddler is 4 and needs to be happy, and i think I deserve to be happy with my H . this is how frustrated i am right now . I am trying my best , i still encourage him but i feel like the nicer i am to him the worse he gets and when i get angry he gets more angry . I am seriously tired of this sh**.
luvtoto Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Anna13, I am sorry you are having such a hard time with your teenage son. I can relate to what you are going through. I have no clear-cut advice to give you, though. Sorry. Sometimes, it just helps to have someone relate to your issues at hand. Parent's are only human. I am very hard on myself, when it comes to my daughter. I feel very guilty when I tell *myself*, that I just don't enjoy being around my dramatically-rude teenager. But, many therapist's that we have gone to, have said that it's a normal feeling to have for a parent. It's normal to love your child (of course you love your child), just sometimes *deep down*...ya just don't like them or like being around them because of their behavior. ((Just so there is no backlash: I would never in a million years say anything like that directly to my daughter.)) Well, best of luck to you and your son. Vent on LS, that's what we are here for!
ShadowU12345 Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Your son seems very normal as do all teens these day. Hes just trying to become more independant and just wants his privacy. So pretty much stay away from him as much as possible because thats all he really wants. But, don't worry, he will eventually forget and come back to you.
PussInHeels Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 There probably is something that is bothering him (teenagers always have something bothering them), but he doesn't want to talk to you about because you're his mom, and he doesn't want to feel coddled or like a kid. So the more you grill him about what's going on, the crabbier he'll get. When I was a teenager, which I guess wasn't THAT long ago, I liked to do a lot of sulking and self-pitying until I actually felt like doing something about my problems, and I didn't like my parents to tell me anything different. But then if my parents just kind of ignored my mood swings or said "you know where I am if you want to talk," I just kind of dealt with it and got over it when I was ready. There's only so much sulking you can do without any new reasons to sulk. With time and a little space, he'll probably get over it. If it seems to be taking an awfully long time, they may be problem that might need to be addressed by therapy.
Author anna13 Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Thanks for all the info , it helps alot , he is better these past few days and he has gotten a part time job . he is moody somedays are this and some days are that. I am so much happier when he the way he lately . but i know somewhere inside that this is temporary . but the support i get here helps alot . I am sureyou will hear from me again . hopefully it is good and not bad
Guest Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Just remember YOU are the parent not your teenager. Sometimes it seems parents are the most unhappy people ... I'm glad I don't have children. GOOD LUCK!
luvtoto Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Just remember YOU are the parent not your teenager. NO offense...but, that is what fuels the flame between a troubled teen and their parents. Troubled teens feel like you don't have the right as a parent to tell them what to do. Everything that is wrong with their life is your fault. Everything bad that happens in their life is your fault. It's even a bad thing to invade their privacy..eventhough, you are the parent. When a teen has this attitude, then just saying to them, "I am the parent, you will listen to me." will make things waay worse, IMO. When teens have that attitude, then they will do anything to hurt you as a parent. Trust me, I am going through it right now in my life. A parent needs to do whatever they can to get their child back on track in life. At least, that is what I am facing with my troubled teen. I work hard at not taking offense to her remarks to my parenting skills. I am facing "group home" as an option at this point. My child has not been in trouble with the law, but I see it going there in the future.
luvtoto Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Afterthought... Parenting does not make a parent unhappy. Concerned about their child, yes. Unhappy? no.
CardPlay3r Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Well I am not a parent but I can travel in time to when I was 16...and had a similar attitude as your son's...I can tell you that the more you pester or nag him (it may not be that to you but it is to him!) the more he'll drift away.. So best thing to do is try and give him the least advice and confrontation possible...and try to be a 'cool mom'. I hope he will come around and become close to you again...but at least he won't drift further away
Author anna13 Posted December 3, 2006 Author Posted December 3, 2006 well , my teen is behaving better but now it is something else it is always one thing after another. I am worried about him but there really isnt anything I can do other then to encourage him. He tells me he is feeling down because he feels like he has no close friends. or any friends but that is not true he has a friend in the mainland and a friend here. but he is just so down on himself , I tell him that it isnt him and he will eventually find someone that is as interested in being his friend as he is in being their friend. I tell him there is nothing wrong with him and if people dont want to e your friend when they dont even know you then that is their problem . Sometimes I think what i tell him helps then he tells me that he is worried that I am just saying that. It concerns me . is there anything more I can say to help ? I can't make friends for him although I would love to . somedays he makes me soo mad i just wish I could evaporate and then days like this I feel awful. teenagers are so confusing!
Author anna13 Posted December 3, 2006 Author Posted December 3, 2006 also , I am sure his current better behavior is temporary , although I hope it is a permanant thing but I am sure it is temporary .. Just remember YOU are the parent not your teenager. Sometimes it seems parents are the most unhappy people ... I'm glad I don't have children. GOOD LUCK! Thanks for sharing ~ yup parenting is tough , not everyone can do it LOL. thanks for the luck, who doesn't need that? lol.
CardPlay3r Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Glad things are somewhat better anna....as for what you can do...well maybe you can suggest him changing schools so maybe he can make friends...a new start that sort of thing
Ladyjane14 Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 He tells me he is feeling down because he feels like he has no close friends. or any friends but that is not true he has a friend in the mainland and a friend here. but he is just so down on himself... I've heard the same thing from my kids a time or two. I've encouraged them to be independant of peer pressures and to do their own thinking. Sometimes the 'lemmings' in school will do their best to isolate any kids who fail to fall in line. I just talk it all out with mine. I remind them that we don't CARE what 'the village idiot' thinks, and that 5 years from now, they probably won't even remember the names of some of these eggheads. I also remind them that people really do have more in common than what's different. The majority of the kids they go to school with are experiencing the SAME feelings. It's part and parcel of growing up. Kids want to know that they're normal and not different to the extent of being "weird". Come to that... most adults do too.
Author anna13 Posted December 14, 2006 Author Posted December 14, 2006 Glad things are somewhat better anna....as for what you can do...well maybe you can suggest him changing schools so maybe he can make friends...a new start that sort of thing actually changing schools was the problem , he was in a school in the mainland and we moved back here, i thought it was better for him but it was not, especially since when we first moved back we were in a district with a horrible high school. now he is in a really great HS and he is a junior , I think it is best he stays where he is . no one picks on him he says that no one likes to talk to him , they just dont like him , he annoys them . I try to encourage him but i always get back negative feedback , always a counter point from him for the negative. I am really tired. I am getting to the point where i am thinking he will just have to work it out himself somehow, I had moments in HS where I had no friends and felt down about it , but I dealt with it myself and got over it . i am telling you i really try to encourage him over and over and over and over and OVER again , but like i said he just counters and counters , so I feel like he just wants constant sympathy and pity , he needs to get a grip . I've heard the same thing from my kids a time or two. I've encouraged them to be independant of peer pressures and to do their own thinking. Sometimes the 'lemmings' in school will do their best to isolate any kids who fail to fall in line. I just talk it all out with mine. I remind them that we don't CARE what 'the village idiot' thinks, and that 5 years from now, they probably won't even remember the names of some of these eggheads. I also remind them that people really do have more in common than what's different. The majority of the kids they go to school with are experiencing the SAME feelings. It's part and parcel of growing up. Kids want to know that they're normal and not different to the extent of being "weird". Come to that... most adults do too. I say the same things to him , but it doesnt seem to do any good. he was doing well this past week , then yesterday he felt bored and had one of those days at school and he brought it home he just was so annoying , I mean I felt like running away from him because he is just mentally draining me just too much . he starts to not listen to me and he is intentianally annoying just to get me , I give him alot of attention , but he keeps on sucking in in and wants more more more ... I am tired. I had enough already. of course the job of a mom is a job you cant quit of course but I am tired of it . I am stll here for him and will encourage him but inside i just want to scream . my toddler hasto see my teen behaving this way . I am just burnt out I guess. hopefully it is just a stage and he will grow out of it , I thought about a councelor but he hates councilars he says they out to just make money he says ..I think he needs to stop pitying himself and just get a grip really . he is 16 already . yes he still needs me but he needs to grow up already . my biggest fear is that he will be this needy and whiney when he is an adult ... I cant baby him all the time , he will never grow up. i tell him he isnt alone , there are alot of kids that feel like he does , but he is like yea but i am fat , or yea but I am ugly ... if someone really believes that is there anything i can really do about it ? i keep tellinghim no he isnt ugly and i dont know why he keeps putting himself down ... like i said he always counters , i feel like i should just leave him alone . because talking to him and encouraging him seems to make it worse.
Guest Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Hey there, I'm 16 and I read your thread. He's just a normal teen we do get depressed from time to time and believe it or not we don't always have a reason for getting depressed. We'll just blame it on horomones. Being a teenager there's so much pressure. 1 to please our parents and that sometimes can be the most hardest thing. I read that you and your husband are separated believe it or not the tension and stress from that effects us more than those that are getting separated. Another thing is we feel the stress from school, maintain our grades, fit in, deal with our horomones that are flying every which way. And then getting a job, yeah we say we need to do it or sometimes forced to get one because we need the extra income for our expenses. He sounds like a normal teenager, I remember I was depressed for a month like in September and didn't know why. Then my mother came at me and started demanding why I was as I was and I had no idea why but it made me more defensive. Talk to your kid but don't start demanding answers, find out how his day was how orientation went. Don't interigate him because he'll get defensive. Just have a normal conversation you would be surprised what you find out. Also when you talk to him don't talk to him like a parent talk to him as a friend some parents find it very hard to do. Best of Luck To You
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