ALLALONEAT35 Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Wow how did I get here... To make along story short, for the last few months I have been talking to a old boyfriend who happens to married and lets say I am currently separated from my husband at the time. Well over the last few months I have developed feelings for this guy, I love being around him, I love talking to him, I love making love to him, opps I said it we made love. We had been talking everyday for long periods of time. Well the wife got the phone bill and lets just say she wasn't to happy, but who can blame her, right. He has told me he isnt happy, nor is he in love with her, however I know there is two sides to every story. About 2 weeks ago, I told him he should try to work on his marriage. And that when it comes to me I just came into his life at the wrong time, again. I really hated being the other women, I hated the thought of wanting to be with someone that was already taken. He said he didn't want to lose me. He told me that we can still talk daily as long as I call him, he said something about the phone bill does not tell the number that calls him. I thought are you crazy, me do all the leg work to get this affair going. I don't think so. But my biggest problem is that I can not get this guy out of my head. I vision us making love. I miss talking to him. A big part of me wishes things could work out, but how. I have called him since that conversation, but it was me telling him to call me anytime, well so far he hasn't. It really confuses me. I really did not expect to fall for someone so quickly after me and my husband separated but I have. Can anyone make any sense in this situation, if so, please tell me what should I do.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 please tell me what should I do. It sounds like you are trying to replace all you lost - passion, hope, love, etc. Unfortunately you picked the most unavailable of people to try that with. He isn't calling because he doesn't want to. He's afraid of a Dday. Sounds like there was already a close call. the phone bill does not tell the number that calls him. I'd like to see what phone plan that is. Itemized phone bills will show incoming and outgoing calls. If he gets you to do all of the calling and you get caught by the W again, it will be easier for him to lie to his wife and tell her that you are stalking him, that you won't leave him alone and he can hold up that phone bill and say "see? I'm not the one calling her, she is the one calling me!". Its called CYA - covering your ass. Looks to me like that is exactly what he is doing. Let him know that while you care about him, you are caring too much and that you need to go to 'no contact' - meaning you and he do not contact each other in any way, shape or form. It will be hard. Excruciating, in fact, but with time it will get easier. As each day passes with no contact you'll slowly get your head and heart back together and realize it wasn't about falling for the actual MM at all. It was about falling for your own idealized version of the man who can come and 'save' you from lonliness, who can make you feel sexy again, and who can love you: and who unfortunately only existed in your heart and mind.
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 If he truely wants out of his marriage and doesn't love his wife then he will find a way to divorce her and be with you. The only way to do that is go no contact with him. No calls/emails/or seeing him. Explain to him that it's over and he can call you when the papers are signed, and enough time has gone by that he can be alone and deal with the loss of his marriage - THEN see what happens between you two. He isn't just going to dump his wife and then jump into another relationship, start his whole life over from scratch because you two are connecting again. It does seem his actions, or shall I say non-actions are showing you what he is thinking...I'm sure it hurts but it's better to have the small hurt now than a BIG hurt 1 or 2 years from now.. Keep busy, focus on yourself and heal. Be around your friends and family, people who love you and can cheer you up.
outofdarkness Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 It sounds like you are trying to replace all you lost - passion, hope, love, etc. Unfortunately you picked the most unavailable of people to try that with. He isn't calling because he doesn't want to. He's afraid of a Dday. Sounds like there was already a close call. I'd like to see what phone plan that is. Itemized phone bills will show incoming and outgoing calls. If he gets you to do all of the calling and you get caught by the W again, it will be easier for him to lie to his wife and tell her that you are stalking him, that you won't leave him alone and he can hold up that phone bill and say "see? I'm not the one calling her, she is the one calling me!". Its called CYA - covering your ass. Looks to me like that is exactly what he is doing. Let him know that while you care about him, you are caring too much and that you need to go to 'no contact' - meaning you and he do not contact each other in any way, shape or form. It will be hard. Excruciating, in fact, but with time it will get easier. As each day passes with no contact you'll slowly get your head and heart back together and realize it wasn't about falling for the actual MM at all. It was about falling for your own idealized version of the man who can come and 'save' you from lonliness, who can make you feel sexy again, and who can love you: and who unfortunately only existed in your heart and mind. i don't know about other cell co's but Sprint definately does NOT show incoming calls..Frustrates the hell out of me...The only one that I know of that does show incoming is T Mobile...
Guest Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Hi allaloneat35, I suspect you are the ow in my relationship. Funny because he told me that he doesnt and never did love you, and that he never slept with you ( I didnt believe it ) He has begged on bended knee for me to stay. And no, his itemised bill doesnt show incoming calls. How devious of him. I amy or may not stay with him, I havent decided. You wont be the one to decide, and neither will he. He is clearly telling us very different things. Nice talking to you, I wont be doing it again. I noe have all the info I need.
Author ALLALONEAT35 Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 Well call me stupid, I called him.... Well lets just say we had nothing to talk about, now I feel stupid, but I wanted to see what he was up too, besides it has been 3 weeks. It sounds like him and his wife are going to work things out. If there is ever a next time our path crosses, I hope to think it might work, because if it didnt three strikes your out.. Better luck next time.
kymberann Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 1. Don't beat yourself up over it 2. Live and learn 3. Now you know! Best!
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