What do I do next now?

[AmCanIam]

Hi everyone, I really could use some input and suggestions here.

 

Over the course of the past month and a half, I had online met a lady of 34 years. We emailed one another frequently which progressed to phone calls, which then led to our first date. I'm a 34 year old male and have been out of the dating scene for a almost 2 years. Anyway, on our last phone call, I officially asked her out. We originally were going to meet for coffee only where she lives, about 30 minutes from myself. I arrived early and instantly recognized her as she drove up. We both had already seen pictures of one another. We met across the parking lot and exchanged a warm hug with one another. It seemed very natural as if we'd know each other much longer. She asked if I wanted to get a bite to eat instead of just coffee. I said sure. I took her hand and we walked to the restaurant. For the next 2-3 hours, we both seemed to enjoy one anothers company and conversation. Every thing seemed to be going to very well. Towards the end, I asked her if I could see her again and she instantly said "yes" and that "she wasn't going to let me get away so easily." As I walked her to her car, I asked if I could get in to talk a little more. She said "okay" and we did. Then the moment came of whether it would be "kiss or no kiss." Much to my delight, I received not one, but two gentle kisses on the lips. I was on cloud nine!! I could barely contain myself and was looking forward to seeing her again. She asked me to call her when I arrived home and we talked again for another hour. The next day, I wrote her an email telling her how good of a time I had and that I felt a genuine connection with her. I offered some suggestions as to our next date and we agreed to talk again about it. Two days later I still hadn't heard from her either email or phone call, so I emailed her again. In an attempt to be romantic, I wrote her a brief poem and emailed it to her as well as asked if she'd received my last email. One of my suggestions for a second date was a more formal/fancy restaurant where we'd both be dressing up; it required reservations. I let her know that if she wanted to do this, then I'd need to know very soon in order to make the reservations. The next day I did hear back from her via email and she said I was analyzing things too much and that she was just busy and wasn't able to get back to me quickly. She ended it by saying, "don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, and she'd get ahold of me soon." I felt a little bit better about that response but have since became more concerned as its now been 5 days since I've last heard from her. I did phone her 2 days into that 5 days and left a brief message telling her I was thinking about her and asking if she was okay due to a recent violent storm that passed through. I've not heard back from her still and it's now the 6th day. I'm really not sure what if anything I may have did wrong. I really, really thought things went so smoothly between us on our first date. The kiss, the agreement to a second date etc. I'm anxious and distressed about the whole thing and don't know what I should be doing. Its been almost 4 days and I've not contacted her (against my own desires) and she hasn't tried to contact me. is she just plain busy and do I continue to wait? Do I just give up on her and the whole idea? I guess it has hurt me a little because I just don't understand what I may or may not have done wrong. Bottom line, is that I need to know what it is that I should be doing now? C'mon ladies, I'd appreciate some input from your perspective. I've already "drafted" a rather lengthy email expressing my thoughts and feelings about everything. I haven't sent it yet. I've thought about calling her and leaving a message on her phone even if she doesn't answer it. But, what message should I even leave? It feels like I've blown it with her and I don't know what if anything I can do to turn things back around again. Thanks very much everyone.

 

DJ

[sapphire0903]

Hey DJ,

 

I would not take it personally...........I know, it is hard not to. But the truth is, you really don't know all that is going on with her life. She may be involved with some one and not telling you................could be lots of different things.

You have done your part, you have contacted her ..........now the ball is in her court. If she does contact you and you notice the same trend.......beware, something is up.

In the mean time, ............keep looking.

Good luck to you!

[AmCanIam]

Hi Sapphire,

 

Thanks for your input. So you think it's best to just move on because I've last tried to make contact with nothing in return? I do feel I've done my part, I just can't wonder if my anxiousness might have played a role? I thought it was normal to show interest if both seemed interested in one another? All the clues/indications she gave me were all so very positive. I'm really disappointed, and can't stop thinking about what I could've, should've done. You don't think it a good idea to call and leave one last message on her cell phone or send her the lengthy email explaining things or is it a waste of time/effort and I'd look clingy/needy etc?

 

Thanks,

 

DJ

[sapphire0903]

I would not contact her again.

I had a similar experience with online dating, met someone, had a good time, continued e mailing (he never called which I thought was weird) but anyway, his last e mail was "don't give up on me" blah blah blah........that was sometime in July. I have not heard from him since..........and I have not tried to contact him.

I think it is normal to display interest, and I find it rude of people not to reply to messages once you have met and established that there is some kind of connection, even if it is a day or so later..........I know things happen and come up that would delay a response, ...........but 5 days?? I would at least make a quick note that I could not elaborate, but would get back soon...................That is just me though.

I think if she was interested and available, she would have contacted you.........soon after your message.

[AmCanIam]

Sapphire,

 

What you say sounds right in my head but wrong in my heart. I'm unable to grasp the two kisses and hand-holding positive signs only to ignore me. That seems cruel to me; perhaps I leave my heart to open and vulnerable for hurt such as that.

 

I agree with you about the 5 days, at least jot a line or two saying I'll get back to you a week from this Thursday or something like that. I suppose I'll never know what truly happened. Thank-you for taking the time to give me some input.

 

DJ

 

C'MON NOW, I'D APPRECIATE SOME SUGGESTIONS FROM THE REST OF THE GALLERY HERE.

[melodymatters]

Actions speak louder than words. It sounds like she was caught up in the exitement of the moment, but now she has cooled off. DON'T CHASE !!

 

IMO sending a poem to somone is a bit much after the first date. You souind like a really sweet guy, but my guess is you came across a tad " needy" and thats always a turn off.

 

whether with her, or somone else, match their pace of contact. You call once to set something up. If they are busy, just say " let me know when your free" and step back. If they don't return your call or e-mail, they're just not that interested.

 

Sorry you had a bad experience, better luck next go round !

[AmCanIam]

Hi Melody,

 

Me thinks your pretty much right on que here. I didn't really want to learn from my "mistakes" with her, I'd rather be seeing her, but I'd also rather not repeat the same mistakes. I like and agree with your advice about matching their pace. I was on my own pace and she wasn't keeping up. Ouch, I guess that's what I get.

 

Yep, agreed. I'll save my poetry for much later on in the dates/relationship. Who knew? I sure didn't, I was clueless there. I was going for "wow, he must really like me to write me a poem."

 

As far as the "needy", hate to say it but maybe a kernel of truth to that. But, why not simply give the guy (me) another chance? Perhaps it was just the excitement of the moment. Darn, I really liked this woman!!!

 

DJ