Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 im so heartbroken. apart from this business with the females n lies n the fact he has been finding my daughter a little hard to cope with now she's having more tantrums... he is perfect. why does this havta happen to me??? if he turned up at my door now n said he was really sorry for everything n told me the truth about who he was texting and said he wanted to put everything behind n make it up 2 me n treat me like a princess... ... i would have him back in an instant. why cant it be like that. all i can think of is who he wsa texting and where he met her and what he was putting in the text and what they said in the text to him and if he has text this person since and if something more will happen then just texting. its driving me so crazy i feel my head and heart are gonna explode.
norajane Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 I would dump him because he can't spell n talks 2 u about serious relationship issues in chat speak. R u kidding me? In any case, he's lying about the texting, and even if he weren't, you don't trust him anyway and she speaks to you like you're trash.
norajane Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 damn i need a hug right now {{{{emmaUK}}}}
Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 while we were eating on saturday nite b4 the events happend i was looking at him and thinkin how lucky i was to have him. . . . *thought shattered*
HoldOn Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 You weren't lucky, you were just blinding yourself to his faults. Honestly, when a guy (or girl) is in a relationship and does not want to cheat on his girlfriend, then he should be putting himself in these risky situations. For example the girl who grabbed his phone on the train or the girls from online who are chatting with him and sending pics. He is obviously putting out a vibe as if he is totally available (if not actually saying that he is totally available.) You cannot trust a person like this. And without trust a person turns a little crazy (with the name calling etc...) I also agree that if he were texting his mom, there's no way he would delete the message. Hello! That's the only way to prove it to you. Finally, I would probably dump him for his immature and ineffective communication skills -- i mean that e-mail. lol. r u serious? Does even know how to spell out an entire word.
HoldOn Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 I meant to say "Honestly, when a guy (or girl) is in a relationship and does not want to cheat on his girlfriend, then he should NOT be putting himself in these risky situations"
Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 about the spelling thing.... i may be wrong but i think he does alot of the shortend words when he is at work and has to type the email in a hurry. also i think its a bit of younge person in south east of england trying to be cool chat mixed in with it. but to be honest i dont realyl notice it much now... got used to it. i wish i could hate his guts, i read this book called how 2 mend a broken heart n it sais to repeatedtly think about the bad times over n over n over again n till u dont want anything to do with someone and u dont like them one little bit. i think i may try that. my daughter is sleeping in my bed 2nite.... normally i woulda said no and put her in her own bed but i need a little cuddle tonight and a smiley face when i wake up so i couldnt resist and said yes
Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 i couldnt resist it ... i was going out of my mind pacing backward and forwards and feeling sick so i rang him crying and begged him that even though we arent getting back together to just give me tha ansers i want and need to stay sane and to just tell me who it was he was texting that night. he just said said again that im looking for an answer to jusify the way i acted on saturday night. so i said that i wasnt and it snot the way i acted that bothering me... its the way he acted. he kept on repeating that he was telling the truth and i just shocked him coz of the fact i had been spying on him from the balcony. i asked him why he lied then and he jsut had an snwer for everything i was asking him. then he was saying he wsa going coz he was pulling up to his friend house and he didnt want me giving him **** while he was there. i started crying even more and begged him not put the phone down on me (something he does all the time) and he shouted "emma your such a selfish bitch and i hate you" and put the phone down on me. maybe he is telling the truth and maybe i just acted totaly out of order for syping on him and then going on n on at him to tell me who he was texting. why would he get so upset about me telling him that i know he is lying and to tell me the truth about who he was really talking to. i did ask him why he wouldnt jsut show me his phonew when i asked him and he said that i have no right to look in his phone and he would never ask me to look in my phone so i shouldnt ask him. i cant stop crying .. i am not very good at dealing with emotions like this. i cant cope with it..... its driving me crackers. i know he is round his mates probably smoking weed and having a great time forgetting about me and i am pacing up and down and checking my phone and in a total state of shock and dispair. i would rather be dead then feel a pain like this, it hurt so much to hear him shouting that i am a selfish bitch n he hates me. maybe its all true and im jsut ****ed up in the head and i deserve all of this. maybe he is telling the truth and maybe he is right
Art_Critic Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 You need to get a hold of yourself... can you not see that he is lying to you and projecting the guilt of the problem back on you ? He has some serious issues.. he is back calling you names.. If any man calls his GF a bitch then he is one screwed up dude... I'm sorry that you are hurting... it will get better with time.. Remember by you calling him you will continue to be treated like crap..he isn't going to change.. he calls you names
Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 why do i jsut feel like i want him here lying in bed next 2 me giving me the biggest hug ever. why do i havta feel like that?? why cant i hate him and feel repulsed by the sight and even thought of him?? i cant wait to get over him and meet the love of my life and be happy again
roxy_1980 Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 you know if he had come clean and jsut admitted to me he was texting a girl, we coulda talked about things then sorted things out, its more the lying and the not knowing what is going on then the actual act of talking to another female. The reason that he didn't say it was another girl is that he probably figures that he could get you to back down and then everything goes back to the status quo. He has you and whoever this other girl/girls is. As for knowing who she is, it's better that you don't. It will just antagonize you even more. It serves no good purpose.
Author emmaUK Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 well i guess there is not much more i can be told from here. u all seem to think pretty much the same thing. at least im not the only one who would feel very very suspicious if their partner did the same thing. everybody thinks he acted very very shady and can understand why i totaly flipped. i suppose now is the time to move on ... i am so glad this didnt happen about 4-5 weeks ago ... i have more to keep me busy now. i been thinkin about it and i truly think that if i was so wrong in thinking he was texting someone else then he wouldnt have immedietly started telling me i was mesed up in the head and i had ruined the night... he would have calmley told me i was being silly and that it was just his mum and he loves me n there is no way he would risk talking to someone else behind my back etc etc (well thats what a good liar would have done anyway) but u r right, he didnt go out of his way to put me at ease, he immediatly switched it round on me n started having a go at me and telling me i had ruined the night when he coulda jsut been nice and i may have even beleived him. im gonna re-read how to mend a broken heart and im gonna make sure i make lots of arrangments over the next few weeks to keep me busy
Trialbyfire Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Good for you. I'm going through NC with a cheater too. He went ballistic on me when I caught him. Finally, I wore him down and got him to admit that he was cheating. You can tell by how aggressive they get and the way they blame you and lay guilt on you. Keep strong!
Author emmaUK Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 earlier on he emaild me to say sorry for telling me he hated me over the phone. and other various things including that i had got it all very wrong and this whoel thing is horrible for him etc etc. i text him back telling him i dont know what to say ... and there isnt any point in saying anything coz he had already decided that he didnt want me any more and that i needed to get over him. he asked why did i feel the need to go telling other people about what happend and i said it was to re-asure myself that i wasnt going totaly mad in the head to think he was acting as shady as anything by what he did with the text and which he said.... ok well believe the people who dont know anyting about it but what u say if it makes u feel better so then i asked him to email me a full account of his side of the story ... i did it purpously so i could put it up here so you could know both sides of the story and make up your minds further about it ..... i have left out a small chunk of the email coz it sjust a bit that happend later on when i didnt want to go back indoors and get his bag coz i knew he'd go home straight away and i didnt want him to go until i had found out who he was texting so i went off to the park. and also he had caleld the police earlier on in the night and the polics came over to my house and i got a caution for domestic violence or assult or something along thsoe lines becuase he had marks on his face ... but i didnt tell u about that becuase i didnt want you to judge him for ringing the police ... only on the business with the text message. here is his account of the night... does this at all change your mind and do u still think he is a liar???? Saturday nite...... having a lovely time with u enjoying our meal then going for a few drinks and enjoying a bottle of wine. i felt the vibration of my phone in my pocket while we were talkin messing around whatever we were doing and decided then on i didnt wana just interupt the attention we were giving each other and thought id check it later. So as the night carried on u said im just going to get another drink. as u walked off my fone did that vibration alert as a reminder so i thought well i mite as well check it now. it was my mum simply saying them people rang about the car. so i just deleted the message but then decided i wanted 2 know what was said so as i opened my fone up and began typing a text no more than a word if not a cuple letters. emma from behind me in a very intruding way "who r u texting" not joking around not being nice, it ****in shocked me. so i reacted by closing the fone. u said i saw u texting and i said i just read a text from my mum which is true. i just did. u said show me. but bcoz i deleted it i just said here it is but showed u 1 of ur old ones but u wanted a closer look so really i landed myself in that one as it was a lie. i only ever told the truth but got myself in a little mess bcoz i didnt think u was guna persue this text thing. i thought just show u a text u would go 2 the toilet. i just realised u obviosuly didnt need 2 go 2 the toilet emma coz wen u need 2 go u need 2 go and dont u remember u didnt go 4 ages after that. u did just wana check on me didnt u coz i know what ur bladders lke its unstopable. anyways u said "no u didnt i saw u texting some1 who was it" and 2 b honest at this point i did feel gutted at the distrust u felt towards me so i just ignored u. maybe it was the wrong decision to do and it agrevated u more but i just wanted u 2 drop it as i didnt want it 2 ruin the nite so far as it was going well. so u came round and kept on at me n on at me n so on. i just said i wanted 2 go would u get off me but u didnt. the reason i didnt let u look thru my fone is coz i have girl mates that say tings dat make u go ahh how sad or y is she saying dis stuff. its just bein friendly but i kno what ur lke and so i said i didnt want u 2. id never check thru ur fone as id never expect u 2 look thru mine. i never wanted 2 cause a scene as ppl were rite next 2 me. but u were persistant and wouldnt get off of me. u said some horrible tings 2 me and u started 2 get aggressive so i used my strenght to push u back on2 a chair. then n there u statred 2 kick and hit me. I said im going home and u started with" i hope something happens 2 me so u feel really guilty" but no matter what u would have said i wasnt prepard 2 just leave u in town on ur own. there are some weirdos there. so i waited outside the pub in my car 4 ages. i saw u at the window and u knew i was there as i caught u looking a few times but u took the piss even more by ordering another drink n just expected me 2 wait 4 u. i wasnt bein funny but i didnt want 2 buy another drink i just wanted 2 grab my stuff from ur house and make a move home. after a txt from my mum and all this erupted i had enough. so aftr repatedly going in and out of this pub telling u i wanted 2 go home could u please hurry up u kept on taking the piss so i went back and said hurry up wateva and the bouncer came over 2 us. after a few words were exchanged u thought u were unfairly treated wen at a loud voice u were shouting u lying cheating scum bag. and u also shouted it in my ear. that hurt as i didnt want 2 react 2 ur jibes. so we both got kicked out and i said 2 u get in the car. now im not being funny i dont exaclty know y it kicked off in the car but it did....thers nothing more really 2 say about what happend but im glad i didnt retaliate. I am very gutted its all come 2 this from 1 text from my mum about the car accident i had that morning. im sorry 2 say this but it was all bcoz of that we r ending and that u really cant believe me wen i say 2 u im tellin the truth. i know i made mistakes in the past but i tell u the truth about everyting u kno dat. sometimes thats y u cry coz im so brutally honest. i have no girl im talking 2, u were and i hoped 2 b my number 1. U always hear the truth from me about who was it but ur ademant ur right so u will never hear what u wana hear. so i dont stand a chance. i have tried my best 2 reasure u but it doesnt work.
Art_Critic Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 does this at all change your mind and do u still think he is a liar???? The more he talks the more he cements that he is lying.. He is bullshixxing you.. now he has automatically deleted a text from his mom before replying.. hahaha He is full of shiot but since you are going to take him back no matter what he does to you why not just call him up and take all the blame and get back together with him.
Author emmaUK Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 no im not gonna take him back.... not unless he comes clean about everything which i know wont happen
Art_Critic Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Being that you are a mom I would think you would want a more mature responsible person to be in your life than him.. He still can't learn how to write.. that is how a teenager writes.. How is he supposed to communicate on a personal level in a relationship with you when he write emails in such an impersonal method.... By the way.. even if he comes clean it will only so he can keep getting in your pants... Unless he comes clean and shows you real remorse I would never speak to him again..
InsanityImpaired Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 here is his account of the night... does this at all change your mind and do u still think he is a liar???? No. It does not. And if he is telling the truth on the text he could factually prove it. And show you the time when his mother called / texted him, including all the details. Deleting a text, before sending a reply to his mom? Totally implausible. The reaction is telling. If you are surprised at being asked who you are texting, your behavior is way different, than when you are writing to some love interest, even when it is asked with an accusing tone. He has had 24 / 48 hours to come up with a plausible sounding story. And it is just that. An attempt to justify his behavior. only ever told the truth but got myself in a little mess bcoz i didnt think u was guna persue this text thing. i thought just show u a text u would go 2 the toilet. Given the fact that you have repeatedly expressed trust issues, such an expectation would be naive at best. A rationalization for his behavior is more likely. i just realised u obviosuly didnt need 2 go 2 the toilet emma coz wen u need 2 go u need 2 go and dont u remember u didnt go 4 ages after that. u did just wana check on me didnt u coz i know what ur bladders lke its unstopable. Which is easily interpreted as a belief of his such as "I have enough time to ..." . But I thought you claimed you were getting some drinks, and decided on the way to go to the toilet? Did he actually see that? Or does my memory let me down? In that case, an apology from me. He is simply blaming you for his idiotic behavior. And if you take him back, he will time and again blame you for his appalling behavior. You don't need that, nor deserve that.
Author emmaUK Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 yes i told him i was going to the bar to get some more drinks but the bar was very busy to im guessing he thought i would be a while but after i walked off i thought id go to the loo first to check my make up and go to the loo quickly to get it ou the way. i didnt go up there to spy on him at all.... i looked over coz i was gonna call him and i duno i guess blow a kiss or say something silly but as soon as i looked over i could see him texting so i watched him for no longer then 10 seconds to make sure he was deffinetly textin and thats when i said in a very loud and stern voice "who are you texting"
Walk Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 I have a nextel right now, and I've had sprint in the past, and both types of phones... when you start a text and just shut the lid the phone automatically saves the text message you were writting into the draft box. Might not be true with all phones, but all the ones I've had it works that way. You said originally that when you yelled down from above, that he took the time to delete the message. He said he simply shut the phone. Do you remember if he just shut it, or did he seem to mess around with the buttons first then shut it? What I read in his email... He's saying he was innocently returning a text, and that you are some crazed psycho who was spying on him from above to catch him doing something wrong. He then shuts his phone, the innocent little boy, and can't prove what he was doing. You fly into a rage and cause a huge scene. He is the unwilling participant in your manic episode. In which he valiantly attempts to be the better person and go home where you two can continue your pleasant evening. etc. etc. Basicaly, all I read was that this was all your fault, and the only thing he did wrong was the first little tiny lie he said about who he was texting. It's as though he's denouncing his part in all this. He's still adamant that it's all your fault.. That he wouldn't have acted shady if you hadn't been spying on him... whatever. If he wasn't guilty, he wouldn't have acted shady. I'm not buying his explaination. He's had how long to think through what happened and come up with an explaination? Why couldn't he just say this the day after? A simple email saying, this is what happened, this is what I lied about, and tried to cover up, I'm sorry you don't believe me.. and that's it. WHy the huge outburst on his part where he has to call you evil, spiteful names? Why does he have to mess with your head and turn everything around on you? And only after several days later, can he give you a story of what happened...? My suggestions: A.) Officially break up with him. You will never trust him. He isn't attempting to gain your trust, and without his willingness to put effort into rebuilding it, then there will never be any trust. It's a two partner thing. You can't build it on your own. B.) No matter the reason for the outbursts and hitting, it was wrong. Both of you suck at communication in heated topics. Either you both resolve to learn how to communicate effectively with each other, or you go your seperate ways. But the only result these types of fights will get is hurt feelings and unresolved issues, which will ultimately destroy any feelings either of you had anyway. Problem is, without a strong basis of trust, then the communication won't matter. You'll never trust he's being honest, it'll eat under your skin, and you'll probably blow your top again. (I know I would) So unless he's 150% into rebuilding the lost trust, then neither of you have anything to build off of.
Author emmaUK Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 i really wish i had stood there longer and waiting till he had written out nearly the whole text and i wish i had my glasses with me so i coulda seen what he was texting.
Walk Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 This was hillarious... only ever told the truth but got myself in a little mess bcoz i didnt think u was guna persue this text thing. i thought just show u a text u would go 2 the toilet. He's been 100% with you.. oh, except for this lie. and not allowing you to see his phone, and hiding text messages, and that thing that happened a while ago that really caused you to lose all trust in him... except for all that, he's been 100% honest!!!! NEVER believe someone who tells you they've "only ever told the truth", and follows that with an excuse for why they lied.
Art_Critic Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 when you start a text and just shut the lid the phone automatically saves the text message you were writting into the draft box. Good point.. I have an LG phone and it does the same thing.. any text that has been typed is automatically saved by closing the lid..
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