emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 on saturday evening my and my BF went out for something to eat and then onto a bar for a few drinks. it was all going very nice till i went to the bar to get some more drinks and then changed my mind at last minute and decided to go to the toilet which is upstairs. my BF was sitting near enough under the stairs so i decided to look over the banister. i could see he was texting someone, so i watched him for about 10 seconds then said "who are you texting" he quickly deleted the text and closed his phone and then opened it again to just show me the main screen which has a picture of taz on it and said "no1 look". i said "no i saw the text screen" so then he said "i was reading a text my mum sent me" so i said "no u werent i saw u textin, who were you texting" and then he just lookd down and ignored me. so i went downstairs and sat down next to him again (which took about 15-20 seconds) and told him that i saw him texting somone and i wanted to know who it was (the reason i was so suspicious is becuase there have been issues before where he has been texting other females behind my back and lied to me to cover up the truth) he then said his mum had text him to ask about a car crash he had earlier on that day and he was jsut texting her back. i asked him why he totaly sh*t himself when i looked over the banister and then deleted the message. he jsut said it was the shock of me looking over the banister and asking who he was texting and then when i asked why he lied and said he was only readin a text... he said that it was still the shock of me looking over the banister. anyway the argument went on n on n i was so convinced he was lying to me again. he told me i had ruined the night with my paranoid mind and he was going... he kept trying to get up and walk out so i sat on his lap 2 try and stop him goingn in the end after a struggle he threw me off his lap and i layed into him which i am not proud of one bit but i got so angry coz i though he is lying to me and sneaking around behind my back again it just happend and to cut a long story short we both got thrown out of the bar. we sorted everything out later that evening but i still cant help wondering if he is lying or not. why would he need to hide his phone if it was just his mum, surely it wouldnt have shocked him that much if it was jsut an innocent text. i keep telling him to jsut come clean and we can try and sort things out but he is adamant it was just his mum. please please tell me what u think coz its driving me crackers not knowing the truth PS - i have slapped him round the face twice b4 ( i admit i dot have a problem and im not proud of it at all) he just emailed me saying this.......... Firstly i think you have been so unreasonable about handling this today. o baby dont leave me i love u this morning and now you have spoken 2 a couple of guys you think im a lying cheatin scum bag. well thats the impression i have got. You need 2 realise u have been 1 horrible bitch 2 me. i was caught begining 2 text my mum as i jumped i deleted the text and said i was reading 1 coz thats what i was just doing. You didnt tell dem twats everyting,, u told them YOUR side of the stroy. im sure if they heard my side of it they wouldnt be agreeing with u suspicions. anyways emma u go and believe them and lose me over it. i have tried alot 2 prove 2 u it wasnt any ****in girl i was textin my mum. if u wana lose me fine lose me over it but all i will see it as is ur loss. coz the way u have been is disgraceful and i wish i have never met such a viscious cow in all my life. i have been truthful 2 u ever sinse i ****ed up in the past. u hurt me and hurt the impression i had of u in thinkin u felt more of me than 2 hit me repeatedly. y dont u go and find some1 who can take the **** u dish out coz all i was doing was texting my MUM. ur looking for a reason 4 ur actions. u r desperate 4 me 2 say it was a girl so u can understand ur reaction in the pub. FACT IS EMMA. u ****ed up that nite and possibly the relationship all bcoz of ur ex's done it so just tar me with the same brush. well emma thanks for all u have done for me the last few days. all i told u was the TRUTH. i handled the text a lil funny in the bar but i was so shocked by ur very antagonising irrational comment "who r u texting" it took me by surpise and all of a sudden im cheating on u and im a cheating ****in scum bag. see u may not remember the whole nite but i remember every last little thing u said 2 me that nite. also i remember what i said 2 u if u ever hit me again. WE R OVER. well after today thats definatly stuck bcoz i thought id let it slide and see how tings panned out. well why should i even bother. i havent done anything wrong. Sorry it had 2 b this way but i dont hold myself responsible. maybe in some time u will realise how much u ****ed up but i doubt i will ever hear u admit that. Bye Emma
noforgiveness Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 whoah do not email him back. What an awful email. Let it go. Ignore him. It is over. He's guilty and all that hostility in that letter proves it. He called you a COW??? nope gone out the door.
Art_Critic Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 You need 2 realise u have been 1 horrible bitch 2 me. First off.. he called you a biotch... Bye bye... Second.. he lied to you and continues to do so and then is making this all out to be your fault..he is using his mom as an excuse becuae he thinks you will buy it.. You obviously caught him texting a girl... Her number is mostlikely in his address book although if he is samrt he has already deleted it.. Bye Bye is exactly what you should say to him.. Make him part of your past history.. he is a horribly degrading man
Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 damn... i already emailed him back and said "so is this it then?? u dont wanna be with me no more" and he mailed back saying No. I dont want to be seen as a cheat when im not. you go and believe who you like and see who is there for you at the end of it.
noforgiveness Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 damn... i already emailed him back and said "so is this it then?? u dont wanna be with me no more" and he mailed back saying No. I dont want to be seen as a cheat when im not. you go and believe who you like and see who is there for you at the end of it. he is trying to make you feel bad and feel guilty wen he is guilty. He wants YOU to beg forhim when he should be kissing your feet. Read that email again. No way should you be nice to him. He should have much much more respect for you then that.
InsanityImpaired Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Firstly i think you have been so unreasonable about handling this today. o baby dont leave me i love u this morning and now you have spoken 2 a couple of guys you think im a lying cheatin scum bag. well thats the impression i have got. Not knowing what happened before, but assuming similar problems existed, these people are actually correct. u need 2 realise u have been 1 horrible bitch 2 me. Lovely to call your gf a horrible bitch in an email, is it not? i was caught begining 2 text my mum as i jumped i deleted the text and said i was reading 1 coz thats what i was just doing. Reading, writing, can't he make up his mind what he actually was doing? And unless his mom is Frankenstein, no guy would jump up when suddenly asked a question. Nor respond like he did. Nor lie about what he was doing. [qupte]You didnt tell dem twats everyting,, u told them YOUR side of the stroy. im sure if they heard my side of it they wouldnt be agreeing with u suspicions. anyways emma u go and believe them and lose me over it. i have tried alot 2 prove 2 u it wasnt any ****in girl i was textin my mum. Of course you told these people your side of the story. And it may be biased. However, if this guy did jump up, delete the message, lie et cetera, his side of the story will simply be a denial of these facts. If he were claiming that he saw Santa Claus, it does not mean that just because he claims something that his side of the story is equally true. Far from it. if u wana lose me fine lose me over it but all i will see it as is ur loss. Yes, every woman needs to be called an horrible bitch. And should feel horrible if she stands up for herself . coz the way u have been is disgraceful and i wish i have never met such a viscious cow in all my life. More declarations of love. A vicious cow, lovely. i have been truthful 2 u ever sinse i ****ed up in the past. This may be saying as much as: "Since my last lie, I have only spoken the truth." But I don't know the specifics of this screw-up, and the events, so this might be a stretch. u hurt me and hurt the impression i had of u in thinkin u felt more of me than 2 hit me repeatedly. The hitting is a bad thing, and you should do something about that, though. However, I must admit that it is not easy to keep your calm, when you feel your SO is making a joke of you. y dont u go and find some1 who can take the **** u dish out coz all i was doing was texting my MUM. Mrs. Frankenstein, I assume? Seriously, no guy is that afraid of being caught texting his mom. And why would he delete the message? No reason, and the most likely explanation is that it was a lie. ur looking for a reason 4 ur actions. Possibly. But ... u r desperate 4 me 2 say it was a girl so u can understand ur reaction in the pub. No, you are not desperate. You already know it is quite likely that it was a girl. And that this guy simply does not want to admit to the fact, that he did screw up a second, or third time. FACT IS EMMA. u ****ed up that nite and possibly the relationship all bcoz of ur ex's done it so just tar me with the same brush. As said before, it could have been handled a bit better. But he is denying that he did any wrong. He did not mention the lie he made. There is a reason for that; because he distorts things in his favor, dissing out the blame to you. well emma thanks for all u have done for me the last few days. all i told u was the TRUTH. i handled the text a lil funny in the bar but i was so shocked by ur very antagonising irrational comment "who r u texting" it took me by surpise and all of a sudden im cheating on u and im a cheating ****in scum bag. Well, tone can account for much. But why would he feel the need to text his mom, the minute you get up to get some drink? Without doubt he cannot offer a real explanation. Because there seems to be none; and if you are indeed paranoid about cheating etc. he more likely than not would have told you beforehand that he is going to text his mom. Sorry it had 2 b this way but i dont hold myself responsible. maybe in some time u will realise how much u ****ed up but i doubt i will ever hear u admit that. Well, people often do not take responsibility for their own behavior. Sadly, he does not seem to be an exception . Forget about this guy.
Art_Critic Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 No. I dont want to be seen as a cheat when im not. you go and believe who you like and see who is there for you at the end of it. What an assclown.... Don't let him play you.. By the way... if it really was his mom he was texting he would've promptly said he was texting her and that would've been the end of it.. all this drama pointing the blame back on you is nothing more than a smoke screen to keep the spotlight off himself.. the more he talks the more guilty he looks to me...
Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 i was hoping that you lot would all tell me i am paranoid and that it didnt sound as if he was lying at all. this is gonna be so hard for me... we been together (with a few off's) for a year and half and my daughter adores him. i wish i knew who she was and where he met her but i guess i will never ever find out.
Art_Critic Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 i was hoping that you lot would all tell me i am paranoid and that it didnt sound as if he was lying at all. That is just your rose colored glasses talking... keep the fact that you just caught him lying to you in the forefront.. By the sounds of it he isn't going to come off his story. that means you ar at a stalemate.. or the way I look at it deal breaker
littlekitty Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Emma, I don't see how this relationship could progress. You don't trust him, you caught him lying before. And you have been violent towards him. While your daughter might adore him, it certainly won't be in her best interest to have her example of a loving relationship between two people, the one I described above. He might have been lying, he might not. Thing is that you don't trust him, and I can't see that changing? Can you? What I can see is more mistrust and anger. And what if that causes your voilence to escalate? Not good huh?
littlekitty Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 I know it's hard. But some of the smartest decisions we make in our lives are some of the hardest. And some of the hardest things we do, are the very smartest. Have a glass of vino, look at your little girl, and resolve to find something better than what you have now. You deserve a better, loving relationship. And she deserves a Mum who is happy and self assured. Not sad and insecure because of her bf.
Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 you know if he had come clean and jsut admitted to me he was texting a girl, we coulda talked about things then sorted things out, its more the lying and the not knowing what is going on then the actual act of talking to another female.
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Dump him. He isn't worthy of your time! He has treated you badly!! Instead of re-affiriming his love for you, making you feel secure, he reacted badly and went on the offensive to make YOU feel bad for questioning him. Seems he's not done a whole lot to regain your trust in him. This probably will hurt you, but you do need to break up with him. HIS loss, not yours.
Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 this is killing me... i lov him so much.... i wanna know who she is. i wish i could just walk away and not feel any things at all... oh well.. i guess its time to accept some date offers to take my mind off things. i want him though.... but a truthfull him
Art_Critic Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 you know if he had come clean and jsut admitted to me he was texting a girl, we coulda talked about things then sorted things out, this is the catch though.. he didn't and won't... Your move
Walk Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Did he show you the text from his mom? The one he was supposedly replying to? He's lying to you. He may have based his lie on a partial truth, the fact that his mom may have text messaged him earlier... but then he would've flaunted it in your face as proof of his "honesty". He didn't. When I cheated on my exh, the one thing that I found worked the best to get out of suspicion was to flip it all on him. Tell him he was making stuff up, that he wasn't seeing it right. That he was the one screwed up in the head. I never called him insulting names though... but the essence of your bf's email is saying YOU misinterpreted what happened. IF he hadn't been doing anything wrong, then he would've been desperate to prove how and why he wasn't doing what you thought he was.. He's not doing that here... he's shifting the blame on to you. Making this YOUR fault and not his. He's not accepting responsibility for having destroyed the trust in the past by attempting to re-establish it now. It would've been easy for him to do that. He could've shown you the text, calmly explained how he reacted poorly, and then focused on the issue of the broken trust and how to regain that. Instead, he immediately went on the defensive and attacked you for what you saw. He continues that through threatening you in the email, calling you insulting names, and attempting to degrade and hurt you. That's not the actions of an honest person. Just for the hypothetical aspect that he was telling the truth (which he's not), then what gave him any right to send such a derogatory, insulting and demeaning email as this one? To attack you for something he created in the first place. If he truly had realized he screwed up in the past, then he would've understood why the trust was broken, and that work would be needed in order to rebuild it. He shoves all the blame on you. He's like a cornered animal that knows he's been caught and he'll do anything (including hurting you) in order to get out of it. Dump his ass!!!!!! Now. Don't even think about it. Just do it. He'll never be faithful to you.
Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 well i did ask him to show me the phone and after looking thru a few messages he put it back in his pocket and said no. later on he said the reason he wouldnt let me look at this phone was because there was messages from this other girl he talks to that he met from the internet.... i already knew about this girl Esme, and i had made it clear i dont like him talking to her coz she has asked him to meet up with her a few times and was sending him pictures of herself but he sais she's just a friend and he wont stop talking to her. but he said there was a message from her saying that she was going to a rave and she wishes that he was going and also texts from her while she was at college saying that she is bored and asking him what he is doing. he said he thought id flip if i saw these texts n thats why he wouldnt let me see. he said he deleted the message from his mum anyway becuase his inbox was nearly full so he needed to make space for other messages. he didnt try n prove me wrong at all.... i just had to beleive him. do u think there is no way at all that he is telling the truth and it was just his mum??? do u not think there is the smallest chance for me to hang onto that he is telling me the truth
InsanityImpaired Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 There is a small chance. You would be punishing yourself if you were to believe it. And frankly there is no reason to. You did get at least a couple of major big red flags afterward. Unless you are interested in more of this idiocy, forget about him
Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 i jsut think that maybe i deserve to be called all of those names coz when i was really angry the other night n the scuffles where in full swing i called him a few names... u lying cheating scumbag u f-ing c**t u fat ba****d so i dont feel i have ground to dump him for what he said in the email coz the thing si said when i was mad at him the othe night were bad aswell. only the fact he maybe lying do u agree
Walk Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 do u think there is no way at all that he is telling the truth and it was just his mum??? do u not think there is the smallest chance for me to hang onto that he is telling me the truth No. I don't feel he's given you even a small reason to believe he's telling the truth. Take the whole situation: He's caused you to distrust him in the past in which texting other women played a large part.He refuses to stop talking to this "friend" girl, even though he 1.) cheated on you in the past and 2.) you've expressed that it really bothers you.He erased a text message he was planning on responding too.. which doesn't make sense to me. Usually people delete the ones they aren't going to respond to, or past text msgs that are no longer current.He refused to show you his phone at all.Instead of talking to you about it, he blew a nut and turned this all into your fault.YOU had to ask to see his phone. If he were telling the truth he would've shoved it in your face to prove you wrong.He had NO proof what so ever that he was telling you the truth.And biggest reason he's lying.... Even after he had time to think about the situation, he then emails you to tell you that you're the ****ed up one. That you're a COW, that you're a ****ing bytch..etc. etc. He had the chance to repair this, and build trust.. instead, he attacked and threatened to leave you. All of which do not foster communication, or discussion, but only serve to shift blame and cause you to emotionally panick and drop the subject.
InsanityImpaired Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 But the email was written well after the fight. When emotions should have come down to normal levels. Whilst your remarks were made in the middle of the fight. Not good, but at least less bad than the things which were said in the email. So don't discount the email completely. Which leaves the lying and his reaction towards the accusation. Even if he did actually tell the truth, as Walk pointed out: If he truly had realized he screwed up in the past, then he would've understood why the trust was broken, and that work would be needed in order to rebuild it. He shoves all the blame on you. He's like a cornered animal that knows he's been caught and he'll do anything (including hurting you) in order to get out of it. Don't rationalize his behavior. And don't hope that the one in a million chance that he was telling the truth, actually did happen.
Walk Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 i jsut think that maybe i deserve to be called all of those names coz when i was really angry the other night n the scuffles where in full swing i called him a few names... u lying cheating scumbag u f-ing c**t u fat ba****d so i dont feel i have ground to dump him for what he said in the email coz the thing si said when i was mad at him the othe night were bad aswell. only the fact he maybe lying do u agree You called him those names in the heat of the argument. His were said after there was time to cool off. Also, he said them in an email that allows for disassociation with feelings, and words can be edited to be less hurtful. He showed an ability to coldly and rationally threaten and hurt you. See the problem here? You = heat of moment. Him = after time has passed.
Author emmaUK Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 he hasnt cheated on me in the past (wel not that i know of anyway) but there has been a few occosions where he has been chatting to females via text and email behind my back. the one that really upset me was a girl he met on the train and she took his phone out of his hand and put her number into it n they were sending each other texts. and he told one of the girls he was only stil ltalking to me coz i owe him money.... that really hurt i got drunk one nite n had a suspicion that sumink was going on so i read his texts. and about this girl he talks to now..... he jsut sais she is only a friend and he wouldnt ask me to stop talking to any of my friend so i have no right to ask him. i really think she fancies him but i have no proof. i hate him talking to her and it drives me mad wondering what they say to each other.... i wish i could erase her off the face of th planet and this person he was texting the other nite i cant take this i really really cant. why does this havta happen to me just in the lea up 2 xmas when i so wanted a lovey dovey xmas and new year, im so heartbroken i just feel like throwing myself off my balcony. maybe it is all my fault,,,, maybe if i had wanted to have sex with him more and given him more affection then this wouldnt be happening. i must admit.. sincei found out about the first girl he was chatting to behind my back i have found it harder to give him attention and i find it harder to get turned on by him.
InsanityImpaired Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 maybe it is all my fault,,,, No it is NOT. maybe if i had wanted to have sex with him more and given him more affection then this wouldnt be happening. Perhaps. But he should deserve it by his actions and behaviors. Those were clearly not of any high standard at all. And treat you decently, which has been lacking obviously. All that would ensure that you would be more willing to give in to his desires in the first place. i must admit.. sincei found out about the first girl he was chatting to behind my back i have found it harder to give him attention and i find it harder to get turned on by him. Because of his behavior. Not because of you.
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