joriel Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Hey There, During the initial period post my break-up it helped me to read other folks' stories about NC so I figured that it's about time that I posted my own. The long story short is that I was in a good relationship with the woman that I thought was "the one" (we were planning a future together) until one day she decided that our relationship was good but not great and ended it. I begged and cried to her twice (the night of the break-up and one night a few nights later) and then never again. I walked out her her house the morning after the final breakdown and I was determined to go NC for as long as it took. I wanted her to miss me and to remember how much I meant to her. That worked for about 6 days when I decided to call just to see how she was doing. We had a decent conversation and it felt good to talk to her. I then went another 5 days and I called again. That process repeated itself once more. For those 3 weeks when I decided that reduced contact (RC) would work all I did was obsess about my ex. I checked her friends myspace profiles (she doesn't have one) and AIM away messages constantly in order to figure out what she was up to. For a bit of background, I'm a grad student and we live about 80 miles apart so it wasn't like I was just going to run into her. I had just about given up my life and my friends when we were together b/c I just couldn't do everything. In fact, because of that I hadn't actually made many friends where I am (I moved during the relationship) and so I really had NOTHING todo after the break-up... After my last call to her I decided that I wouldn't contact her again until she called me first. If she indeed wanted a friendship then she would have to work at it. I have stayed true to my word now for almost 3 months. I'm doing great. I've been hanging out with new people, flirting with new women, and just having a good time. I rejoined my gym and I'm rebuilding the friendships that I put on hold during my relationship. Of course I still think about my ex, hell, I still love my ex. But, it's definitely not all day everyday. The other day she signed on to AIM, which she doesn't do unless she's trying to get ahold of me without calling because the program can't go on her computer (it's for work) so she had to use her brother's (they live together). I saw she was there but remained "away" until I finished what I was doing. Finally I switched to available and within 10 seconds she messaged me. We talked for a bit and I got to hear about what she's been up to. It turns out that her mom is not doing so hot (so she's been worried about that) and she's quitting her job to go travel the world for a year. So, where does that leave me? I'm good, I'm happy for her and I'm worried about her mom. My ex is extremely analytical so I know that quitting her job to travel didn't just come out of the blue. I would bet that those two things (her mom and her future) were on her mind doing our break-up. I would bet that those 2 things, more than any of her "reasons" fueled her immediate need for independence. And I can respect that. NC gave both myself and my ex time to take more control over our individual lives. Of course we still have love for each other but right now, we can't be together. NC gave us time to sort all of that stuff out. It allowed me to remember what I love about myself and my friendships instead of what I loved about my relationsihp. It gave her time to take charge of her life and prepare to do something that she's always wanted to do before entering grad school. I don't know if this will help anyone at all but I figured that I should share it. I started using NC to get my ex back but instead I think I got a lot more. Sorry this isn't a second chance story but I'm not really holding out for one anymore. I wouldn't say that I would never consider it but right now, the timing just isn't right and I think we have a lot more "stuff" do for ourselves before we can do much for each other. Besides, there's this new girl that has caught my attention... Cheers.
ihateslowjams Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 im happy for you. i did the same thing you did on my break up; cried twice and tried to get back with her for 2 weeks, where i called only once a week too. you doing nc did you good. for me, i got my life back and started traveling and doing the things that ive always wanted to do, but i still get depressed... ive been talking to other girls, going out on dates, and its so obvious that they want me, but i just cant get into the flow of things with them because i feel like i might just get betrayed again , but overall, im happy for you that you got a lot out of nc. i just hope i get that mind set soon also instead of dwelling in the past.
Author joriel Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 i'm totally with you with respect to getting into the flow of things. there's no way that i'm even thinking about jumping into another LTR right now. but, i figure that the only way to get completely back in the game, is to get back in the game...baby steps.... i won't lie, some of our mutual friends really stepped up to the plate to help me onto the "getting over her" path. some even called her out on her bs. their support has meant millions. big ups for getting back to the stuff that you enjoy ihateslowjams. i doubt that there is any better way to get through this. you'll be fine.
bella_girl Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 tell us about the new girl - I want to know about the new girl. I think you're doing great joriel. I can absolutely understand about her wanting to get in contact with you about her mom and traveling. I've just found out that my grandfather is very unwell and the first person I wanted to talk to was my ex. Not that i expect him to do anything but I know that he would be supportive and tell me that I'm going to be ok! I'm also glad that you can see some truth in what was going on too - it sounds like she was unsure of where she was heading in life and needs some time to sort herself out. I agree NC gives you time to sort out your individual lives. I'm not really ready to go out with anyone yet or even date. I am having fun doing my own stuff, going where I want when I want so I'll keep doing that. So all that remains now is tell us about the new girl!!! Did you find out about her 'status' yet?
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