BrokenSpirit Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Ok so you guys always give such great insight and I could use some of it. I'll just give you the long story short. Ive been with this guy for over 2 1/2 years on and off. Ive come to the conclusion that we want 2 very different things at the moment. I am 27 and hes 28 so we are not children BUT its become very clear to me that Im ready to settle down and hes not. I want to be in a relationship that is moving forward, where I am building a life with someone. And he wants to try and keep is casual for as long as possible since we broke up and started talking again. He doesnt believe in the intertwining of our lives and never really has. I see it so clear now that hes never really been ready for a relationship. His friends and everything else in life ALWAYS comes before me. And the rare times they didnt come first and he spent most of his time with me, he resented ME for it and was emotionally and verbally abusive to me. I know we are not right together, but I am still in love with him and I just wanted to know how do I really believe with my heart that Im doing the right thing by breaking it off. I guess its just like how do you give up on someone whose given up on you already... I guess I have so many why's that he just cant answer. Obviously we are just at 2 very different points in our life and in general our definitions of 'normal' relationship is different but trust me thats a whole other thread. lol And I know for a fact hes also treated other ex's this way he doesnt know what its like to have or want a real partnership. but I guess its like I asked before Im breaking it off tonight with him and Im scared how do I get some confidence within myself to know Im doing the right thing, which I really do know it is. Thanx everyone...
simonwcc Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Its going to be so hard and you have to be super super super brave. Your brain tells you to go as its not right, but your heart still loves him and wants him in your life, and you may be a bit scared of being alone, but you know its what you have to do.....its a screwdy condundrum and soo hard But you've decided what you have to do and its going to take bags of courage to bring it up and talk about it, but as soon as you start, all of the others words will just flow out. Its either now or doing it much later down the line and will hurt much much more, sorry if im rambling here, ive just had a mutual breakup and we still loved each other SOOO much but knew it wasnt working and had to part, it was the right thing to do but my heart aches soo much. Good luck, be brave! and keep us posted! :-) Si
Author BrokenSpirit Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 Thank you... I know I have to look at the entire relationship, the entire 2 1/2 years and not just look at the last month and say o what if... And maybe this... Living in hope when I know in my heart we just arent right together... His definition of a normal relationship is a total contradiction to my definition of a normal relationship. I just feel like I cant let him go... All my friends dont want to hear me talk about it anymore, more like cry about it anymore... Now they are just like deal with it or break up, but enough complaining. I want closeness, a best friend, a partner to share my life with... I want to hang with our friends TOGETHER and he totally doesnt want that. His time with his boys is HIS time and he doesnt want to bring me unless someone else is bringin their GF... And its not just once in a while I wouldnt care, its every other weekend. And its not playin cards or hangin out, its goin out to clubs and gettin totally drunk out of his face... But God forbid he could do that with me. It only makes me wonder who he is when Im not there... And Im just at a point where I have no tolerance for it... And at this point in the game to be freaking out that I want to be his GF again is just not something I can tolerate either... I wish this didnt have to be so hard... I just feel so hurt and upset about it... I know Im gonna be a wreck about it...
miss snoopy Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 ((((Hugs)))) Y'know, he sounds just like my ex, it's like every other thread I read just unpeels another layer of what I thought was a perplexing conundrum. But it's all now so clear, reading other's accounts... Yeah my ex had no idea what a relationship was. He was in a LDR with his ex where they saw each other on average once a month for a long weekend, yet in between his idea of a relationship was an email proclaiming love once every 2/3 days. She begged for phone calls, texts... and the minute he had to make a decision to either move to her town or arrange for her to come over to his, he walked. The poor girl almost went cuckoo. With me I represented a degree of stability he couldn't handle. All the boasts he made to his friends of finding the "perfect" girl (me) - perfect in every possible way he said - has been replaced with me being mentally unstable = perfect excuse to bail. You see, I had the same dialogue you're having with my friends and family and they all advised me to leave him. So I did, and as I'm a forgiving, friendly person I maintained contact during the break-up. He came back with words of love and I foolishly took him back. It all ended with him walking shortly after, in the coldest possible way. I suppose my point is - listen to that small voice inside you, and when you decide to leave him (which is for the best as he ain't gonna change) do not let him talk you into having him back as once he feels he's got you, the chase would've ended and he'll just look for the nearest exit. I know no 2 relationships are the same but I hope this helps you the way other people's stories are helping me have a better understanding of this whole madness.
Author BrokenSpirit Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Thank you Miss Snoopy. It does help a lot... This is what he always does... He wants the good girl, he just doesnt want to be a good boy... lol But its very true... He only loves me when I leave, when he gets me back this is what he does... Im not sure what I want or he treats me badly and could care less to see me... Hes always cranky and its like Im walking on eggshells with him because I dont know who Im gonna get... 2 1/2 years and things havent gotten any better I just give up already... I cant keep doing this to myself... Like my friends say its time to call it a wreck and buy a new car lol And I know what you mean because reading other people's stories has helped me and given me strength to know I have to walk away... Nothing will ever change with him and thats just the sad truth... Thank you everyone and please keep sharing stories or some advice I can totally use it...
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