insomnie Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 My boyfriend broke up with me this Saturday after a couple of weeks of fighting. The fighting was always initiated by me. I was unhappy because he seemed unhappy. He was unhappy because of all the fighting - he felt like I was making him jump through hoops. There were some other problems but they were small and we could have easily worked through them....but the fighting made him doubt whether or not he wanted to be with me. So now we are taking time apart. I did a little bit of begging/crying when he was in the process of dumping me, but not since (well, it's been a day). We did have a conversation however in which he told me he wanted to stay friends, that he didn't want to date anyone else, but that he didn't feel it wasn't fair to string me along, either, when he wasn't "sure". Of course, like the majority of posters on here I want him back. I love him, I know how the problem originated, how to solve it. I know I need to learn how to better deal with stress (aka how not to take it out on him) and how to better let go of resentments. He has a lot to learn too but I am patient. My question is: if he is serious about wanting to be friends, should we attempt that (because we DO need to learn how to be better friends and hang out togheter without stressing each other out, BEFORE jumping into a relaitonship) or should I go NC? I mean, I won't initiate contact in any case but how "cold" should I be if he does?
the_alchemyst Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Why are you putting so much blame on yourself?
Guest Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Take some time, i think you should go NC for a day or two, give him time to think and miss you and realise what he is feeling :-) Keep in contact here :-)
Author insomnie Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 It is so hard not to pick up my phone to call him screaming how dare you do this to me. Or else, saying sorry and can I please come over to cuddle. I think NC is so hard on everyone because of the habits aspect. It's like after 3 years I am NOT ALLOWED to call someone who had listened to me and told me he loved me every day. Allegedly it takes 3 weeks to break a habit. I'm really hoping this gets easier with time. From your past experiences, for those employing NC, how long did it take for your exes to contact you, if there was no awful stuff (cheating etc.) involved? What's the probabilty distribution on that one? As in, if they were going to contact you at all, that they'd do it after 3 days, after a week, 2 weeks, a month, etc.
BannaBee57 Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 It took my ex 3.5 months to contact me in a friendly way. Before that we talked twice about the phone bill. I'm assuming he mearly wanted to catch up and maybe start up a friendship (at least that's what he told me). If you go pretty long with NC you might just not want him to contact you just to be firends as I have learned it only disrupts the healing process. If you want more from the relationship and he just wants to be friends then it's better off to stay in NC. Good luck to you though...it does get easier with time.
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