It's time to be me. (confessional and breaking free)

[fatty]

Hey guys,

 

I wanna start fresh. Be myself. Don't hold anything back. This website for me has personally been a therapist-to-go when I need it. So I think it is time for me to be me. I am afraid to be open to my therapist for some odd reason. So this is gonna be a long post because I think its time for myself to jsut be out there.

 

I am 22 and reside in mississauga. I started seeing a therapist after I broke up with my ex-g/f. It is quiete funny that I thought I would talk about her but she wasnt even a topic of discussion until 6 months after. So I do have issues. It gets so hard each day, cause I put myself out there for others and take care of everyone around me that I forget about myself. I am always seeking attention from the opposite sex, as to either validate me or make me feel good. It might be due to bieng emotionally neglected as a child and bieng made fun of all the time. Now I have 1000 freinds but feel all alone.

 

I get sad each day and after each of my therapy sessions I feel so great as I have lifted a burden or something. But then I come crashing down the next day. I do not know the source of this but am travelling that road.

 

I am just tired, tired of loving, tired of bieng the "nice" guy, tired of bieng the good semaritan and just tired. I don't wanna do anything any more. I am gonna start back at quare one and rebuild who I am or want to be. I need to cleanse my soul and be free.... starting a bit of poetry... ok i will stop.

 

Anywho, guys I am not looking for any cliche statements or "cheer up buddy comments" although they are great. I am not saying they are bad, but just dont want a reaction. Almost like as if it is in a support group, each person shares a story but they never say anything to each other but rather they reflect on what they can take out of it.

 

I am alone now, and sad. But I know someday I will make it, no matter how hard it is going to be and lonely - oh so lonely - in the end it will be I who will have to make this journey. Not my therapist, not my freinds, not my parents.

 

Thanks for sticking this long to read this. Love you guys

 

*wipe's a tear from his eye*

[silentalways]

as long as u use it as motivation and chanell it inwards. i can honestly say that i am now a completely different person in one specific way and everyone that notices that thinks there is 'something wrong' or that the want the old g back! well, sorry folks - he is dead. i refuse to let anyone treat me without respect now and i let them know that - whether it be 'ex's', family, cyber criminals, friends - so it has freaked a few people out - all i can say is 'get over it'. for example: i had wanted to simply sit back and listen to what a friend thought, had to say, what she had been thru over the last 4 years but all i got was the finger - so before i would crumble - now its 'whatever' - life is way to short for stuff like that. anyways, many things i wanted to say but i have no home comp now and i am over at my wfriends place and anyhoooooo...off to lala land - workies comes early.

[dgiirl]

It's great that you want to be completely honest, and not hold anything back, but it might not be such a wise decision to tell ppl exactly where you live Who knows, you might even have friends who post on this forum? There's lots of annonymous guests, and google can sometimes be evil. I'm not too far away from you, and know that starting at square one is a great place to buy shoes

 

Anyways, since you are in therapy, i think your next step is to tell your therapist what you told us here. Especially that you feel great after a session, but then you crash shortly after. Ask her how you can maintain focus?

 

Also, there's truth in the cliche, never give anything you cannot afford to give. This is especially true in our time and emotional support. Stop being the "nice" guy for everyone else. Dont do something for someone unless you absolutely want to do it. Not because you feel obligated to do it. Not because you want to please. Not because you hope they'll appreciate it. But because doing it costs little for you to do in time and emotional effort. You do need to take care of yourself first, otherwise, if you get sick and have a nervous breakdown, you'll be useless to those you think need you. So do everyone a favour, and take care of you first.

[fatty]

Hey,

 

I had a blessing in disguise today. I got a call from TD canada, one of the biggest banks in canada. I applied to them 3 years ago and they want me to do general admin stuff in their head ofice.

 

I have to go to an interview but I hope I get the job, if not no biggie life will move on.

 

But this is definately a plus today.

[Teacher's Pet]

Hey man....

 

I read your post. I see a lot of myself in it.

 

After my ex left me, I thought my therapist would be the cure. She wasn't. In fact, something made me STOP therapy.

 

I know how it feels to have a lot of friends and still feel alone. Sometimes, I feel like I'm being selfish, in that I'm "holding myself back" from good people who genuinely care about me, but I guess like you, I have a lot of answers in my life I need to find.

 

Posting here is a good thing. Even if it just feels like you are reiterating your thoughts, somehow by putting them down "on paper", you might see something you didn't think of before.

 

Both of us have a similar need; to snap out of this "funk" we are in. Eventually, it will hit us. Maybe just reading the right thing, hearing the right words from someone, or even some random occurance may trigger something......eventually there will be an epiphany of sorts.

 

Therapy is a good thing, but only you can really find your own answers.

 

They'll come.

 

-tp

[yual]

hi fatty (i'm sorry but i donno wat else to call u since this is your username),

 

Nice to hear that you have kind of sort things out.. Anyway, I can relate to the being nice part.. That's what I have been doing for many many years until about last year when I decided to be me (even though me = not so nice). I think I was in a very similar situation that you are in... If there is one phrase to describe how i was feeling , it will be "SICK AND TIRED"... Urgh!

 

You mentioned therapist.... personally I have not tried that but inspirational books works for me...especially those with stories of other people's lives or those that are self help in nature.

 

Anyway, if you are looking for some inspirations, you can check out inspirational hub.. they got some good stories there and they are giving away free inspirational books too... The website is at www.inspirationalhub.com

[quankanne]

your post struck a chord ... have you read "The Alchemist," by Paulo Coelho? He talks about the journey and dreams, and how they are realized ... great message.

[fatty]

Hey,

 

That book is on the list of many books I have to read this summer when I get time. Currently I am reading atlas shrugged by Ayrn Rand. I read her other book Fountain head and got a positive message out of it so now I started reading atlas shrug.

 

Thank you guys for the support. I understand that phrase "Sick and tired". The only thing that bothers me is not bieng nice. I am always such a nice guy so the image of me not bieng nice disgust me. But at the same time I have to look out for my best interest.