Carbine Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 The situation is this: my boyfriend and i are on a break at the moment (he pushed for this because he thinks i have waaaay too many jealousy/insecurity issues and wants me to become a 'happy' person before we get back together). This break specifies absolutely NO relations with other people in a sexual/romantic manner. I was going through is mobile phone 2 days ago and i saw a message in 'Sent' messages that upset me. It said 'sorry babe i'm not ignoring you i'm out of credit will call you later' or something. I confronted him about it and he seemed a bit flustered and blamed it on one of either two friends of his who had apparently borrowed the phone the night before to message a his girlfriend when they were out at the pub or something. I questioned him further and asked him to ring these friends to confirm what he was saying. He lost his temper, went home and now wil barely talk to me. I immediately rang up one of the friends he mentioned and asked him, and he said he hadn't sent the message. Moreover, he does not have a girlfriend. I'm still contemplatin ringing the other friend in case this gets back to my boyfriend and pushes him away further. It's gotten to the stage where I'm too upset, worried and hurt to simply give my bf the benefit of the doubt. I REALLY want to investigate the issue further but i'm not sure where to go from here. Any (serious) advice would be soooo appreciated. The Facts: *The things i have are: a login name and password for the company which my bf's internet/email and mobile phone are under. However, he hasn't registered for 'online' services according to the mobile phone site. * Things I dont have: anything else like his credit car number, online banking ID/password, spare car/house keys, drivers license number * another confusing thing is that my bf doesn't have a prepaid account, however the sms mentioned that the person had 'no credit'. I'm not sure if this points towards my bf being innocent or not, or maybe it's just something you'd say to a girl you really don't know that well i.e. whoever it was that i expect him of cheating with Someone PLEASE help me, i'm flipping out here. Its rather a delicate situation because i don't exactly have the upper hand in the relationship at the moment. The smallest thing makes him angry i.e. me being suspicious or jealous. He told me just before he walked out that i just have to trust him or **** off. I'm a very impatient person and i want to get this sorted out like NOW. I'm not sure whether or not to jump straight in, or to force myself to play cool, pretend everything's sweet, and then start investigating quietly and discreetly.
NoIDidn't Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 He's not worth the effort. He told you to either trust him or f*ck off. He is probably seeing other people now and hopes you will just fade to black....sorry.
LakesideDream Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Actually a "benifit of the doubt" may actually be in order. You say that your BF does not us a prepaid phone. Does his friend ? It's a real possibility that your BF is telling the truth. I don't pay any attention to what happens when I loan my phone to friends for a call.. I couldn't possibly use the 1500 monthly minutes I'm allowed so it's a moot point. The same thing may be true for your BF.
Ripples Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 The thing about snooping is, when is enough, enough? I feel that when one starts to snoop, starts to find out things, it's never enough. A little bit of information that one gains is never going to be found out in context, it's impossible to know the whole truth of any situation. So, one goes on and on trying to find out more and more, when the real problem is not what's being hidden (or not) but what drives you to want to know the truth in the first place.
littlekitty Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 So you're on a break due to your jealousy and insecurity issues, and you're still going through his phone? I'd be pretty p*ssed if I was your boyfriend. It's not really showing him the trust he's clearly looking for from you. Not only do you snoop through his phone and question him - you then call his friends to try to validate his story...!! Yep, I'd be pretty peeved. Personally, consider the mention of lack of credit, and the fact that your bf doesn't have that kind of account, I would have taken his word for it. I can't see this relationship working. It sounds like you have no trust in him what so ever. Even when he's letting you know that your lack of it is destroying the relationship.
Guest Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Why don't you call the number again with another text and ask her to text back? Then you can guage the reaction? For example, if you sent "Babe, I want to talk to you later and make some plans with you for something romantic love and kisses BOB and she writes back BOB? why are you talking to me like this? You'll know. OR she may write back "Bob -nothing could beat last night baby but I'll for round 2" You'll also know. WHAT fun!
PoshPrincess Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 Why don't you call the number again with another text and ask her to text back? Then you can guage the reaction? For example, if you sent "Babe, I want to talk to you later and make some plans with you for something romantic love and kisses BOB and she writes back BOB? why are you talking to me like this? You'll know. OR she may write back "Bob -nothing could beat last night baby but I'll for round 2" You'll also know. WHAT fun! Great idea and, let's face it, you probably don't have anything to lose. Ok, so if you find out he HAS been cheating you will be hurt and extremely p***ed off but at least you will have your answer and in the long run will be a lot better off without him! Trust your instincts and go with what you feel is right. I had jealousy issues in my early 20s which drove my then BF insane. He ended up cheating but that just made me wonder whether I actually DID have something to be jealous/insecure about after all and he was turning it round on me! I have also been on the other side, been the OW, so know what lies men in Rs tell to get out of trouble with the missus! I'm not saying he IS cheating, I obviously don't know how bad your issues were before this 'break', so maybe he has a good reason to react the way he is. Just be on your guard; try and find out what's going on but for the time being it may be best to be cool with him and act like everything's ok while you do your digging. Just my opinion!
Walk Posted November 22, 2006 Posted November 22, 2006 I don't quite understand this... You two are on break because he feels your jealousy and insecurities are causing problems. So you go and accuse him of talking to another girl. Personally, I've always believed that if a person is feeling jealous and insecure then there's probably a reason. Doesn't mean the other person is "cheating", but there attention might be diverted enough that you're noticing a decrease in interest toward you. What caused you to feel he was cheating, or what caused you to feel insecure/jealous while you two were together? Can you pinpoint what it was? Or instances that caused you to question his motives? I say you have two choices. You either throw yourself full bore into finding out if he's cheating. In which case, you can kiss any chance of a relationship with him goodbye. If you find out he has cheated, or is breaking the rules for the break, then would you want to be with him? If you find out he isn't, then he's not going to want another thing to do with you. Your relationship is over if you take this route. But that might be for the best. If you don't trust him, then something is striking a nerve in you... just finding out he isn't cheating, isn't going to remove whatever stimulus is causing you to feel insecure. Second option, is to put as much effort into improving your mental well being, and your life as you would've put into trying to catch him cheating. I feel this is the better option. You may find that after you are on more solid ground in your own life that any games or whatever he's playing won't be tolerated any longer and he'll be out. On the other hand, if you honestly improve your life, you may find that the things that were causing you insecurity before, are no longer an issue and the both of you can work on creating a much stronger, and healthier relationship. So.. choose. Take the route that will sure fire kill whatever chance you had for a relationhsip.. Or choose to create a better life for yourself, with or without him.
silentalways Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 are making yer life crazy. for me, i canceled my internet account, gave away my computer, got some help fer the 'little cons. voices' in my head, downsized everything, got the accounts in order, sold my house [moving to a new abode], and basically axed the f-cats that meow too loud. when u don't hear or see the 'noise' anymore, its easier to refocus. hope that helps.
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