NoIDidn't Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 It seems like the Ow/OM here are getting irritated with everyone posting and commenting regularly on "their" forum. And I am really confused. The biggest complaints seem to be the those not in their sitch are judgemental or trying to force them to change their status, or that they just want to talk to people in their situation. How exactly does that go? What kinds of conversations are "supposed" to be going on here? Because I honestly don't hang out where I am not wanted.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 NID: First of all, of course everyone posts wherever they want to...but there's been alot of brow-beating going on lately...it's one thing when people are respectful and a totally different one when they're not... And the ganging up thing is not cool...These are just my thoughts... It is just kind of funny that BS come here and seem so shocked about the OW...but hey, what do they expect when that's what it's named?
Author NoIDidn't Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 GEL: Check your PMs. NOT PMS, but private messages. LOL!!
stillhere Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 It seems like the Ow/OM here are getting irritated with everyone posting and commenting regularly on "their" forum. And I am really confused. The biggest complaints seem to be the those not in their sitch are judgemental or trying to force them to change their status, or that they just want to talk to people in their situation. How exactly does that go? What kinds of conversations are "supposed" to be going on here? Because I honestly don't hang out where I am not wanted. Honestly.........i'm going to take advice from an OW who's been in my situation and has gotten out, before i take advice from a BS. The kind of coversations that are "supposed" to go on, now go on without you. We don't need someone telling us how horrible and immoral we are. We are looking to others in our situation for support, not harrassment. That's why i haven't posted in a while. And i'm not going to until i feel the need to. I have turned to others for support, and you're not one of them!
tinktronik Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Interesting topic . personally , i think since their is no way to keep an internet forum to one specific type of person , it is rediculus to think that it is anyone's forum .it simply is a topic of convo. .... If a specific type of people (any kind) want to only deal with convo or opinion from their type of person they should join a local support group with a screening process.
erika2610 Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Honestly.........i'm going to take advice from an OW who's been in my situation and has gotten out, before i take advice from a BS. The kind of coversations that are "supposed" to go on, now go on without you. We don't need someone telling us how horrible and immoral we are. We are looking to others in our situation for support, not harrassment. That's why i haven't posted in a while. And i'm not going to until i feel the need to. I have turned to others for support, and you're not one of them! That's funny. Weren't you one of the ones in another thread that was being a "tad" judgemental about OW, even though you used to be one? Anyways, anybody is free to post here, and I think they should all feel welcome. It's always good to get hear from BS, to know what they're thinking. And the same goes for them.. it's good to get the OW side of the story.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 That's funny. Weren't you one of the ones in another thread that was being a "tad" judgemental about OW, even though you used to be one? Anyways, anybody is free to post here, and I think they should all feel welcome. It's always good to get hear from BS, to know what they're thinking. And the same goes for them.. it's good to get the OW side of the story. E: Stillhere is an OW...are you talking about someone else?
stillhere Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 That's funny. Weren't you one of the ones in another thread that was being a "tad" judgemental about OW, even though you used to be one? Anyways, anybody is free to post here, and I think they should all feel welcome. It's always good to get hear from BS, to know what they're thinking. And the same goes for them.. it's good to get the OW side of the story. I'm thinking you have the wrong person, cuz i'm very much an OW!!! I agree, they should all feel welcome, but we don't anymore. People are free to post where they want, i have no problem with that. I have a problem when BS's start calling me a hooker and a wh*re, and every other name under the sun. Does that sound welcoming enough for you?
Author NoIDidn't Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 SH I NEVER called you a hooker. I never even alluded to such, IMHO anyway. I asked you a question, a couple of questions. That, quite honestly, you never had to answer. You started yelling (as much as can be done in writing, anyways) and stormed off. If you were one of my girlfriends, I would have done the same. A few of them are/ have been in As too. I am not the enemy. Yes, I was betrayed. But does that make me less of a person than you? Does that make my questions invalid? The issue to me is dead. I don't know you. But, in reverse, you don't know me either. I might be M now, but you have no idea the kind of experiences that I have had before then. I have lived through some horrible stuff. Just because I don't stand locked arm in arm with you singing Kum-Ba-Yah, doesn't mean that I have a personal problem with you. But you are still addressing me as if I have spat in your face or something. And I simply am not that kind of person/poster.
stillhere Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 I never said that you were the one who called me a hooker. I know that you did not. I generalized BS's in that statement. It seems you made me your own personal assignment. To break me of my situation, and push me until i snap. Well, i did. This is not like me. I am not a bitter person in general, but i do become one when i am pushed over the edge. Between you and noforgiveness (whom i was always respectful to) i couldn't take it anymore. I know that my situation isn't ideal. I am fully aware of that. I sometimes just want to vent, to get the thoughts out of my head and see what others opinions are. I don't need some self righteous person (not talking about you here) to come in, completely disregard the question or statement, and tell me that i'm the biggest piece of sh*t that ever walked the earth. Statements like that are meant to be hurtful and to irritate me. Some i don't let bother me, but some do. When you came on the scene, i had no problems with you. I was respectful, but then you started to push me and you wouldn't stop, even after i told you i was done. You wouldn't let things be. I chose to walk away. I have enough bs to deal with in my life, far more than anyone knows, and i didn't need the insults.
Trialbyfire Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Interesting topic . personally , i think since their is no way to keep an internet forum to one specific type of person , it is rediculus to think that it is anyone's forum .it simply is a topic of convo. .... If a specific type of people (any kind) want to only deal with convo or opinion from their type of person they should join a local support group with a screening process. Well said.
Author NoIDidn't Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 Stillhere, I am sorry you feel that way because that was not my intention at all. I won't go into my reasoning because that only re-opens the issue. I didn't think I was being pushy at the time, but I can see how you feel it to be so. I do my best to be honest, and be myself when I post here. But I don't post insults. I may have in the past, but I don't think I posted one in the thread with you. I don't think I ever have, but someone may be able to point out a snide comment or three. I don't think that I said anything about your morals. I think you have me mixed up with another poster. I haven't looked at the thread, so I honestly don't know. I think I have done a good job of talking TO you, and not AT you. The BS that post here aren't looking to run any of the OPs off this forum. While I don't agree that it is "your" forum, I do know that it is for your issues. So please don't let me or anyone else run you off this forum.
stillhere Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 You haven't run me off..........i just pick and chose what i say. I can guarantee that i will never have full, open and honest discussions again. Anything i have to say pertaining to my situation is now done in private via email or PM's with others that i have made friends with. There i can be honest, and i'm not afraid that they will come back and say something cruel just to hurt me. If they say something i'm not thrilled about, i listen because i know that they have my best interest at heart. I know that they are not there to shove that knife in my chest and to continue to twist it. Obviously i can't expect you to have my best interest at heart, i represent a woman who hurt you. That's understandable, but i came here for support. Anyone can come to this forum, but it would have been nice to be able to share my story without having to defend myself after every post.
Author NoIDidn't Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 After this, I will take it to PM. You most definitely don't represent the woman that hurt me. Not one of the OWs here represent that woman. My H hurt me. She was not at my wedding. She made no vows to me. To date, I still don't know her. And don't care to either. She has her own fallout to deal with, we have ours. I understand not putting things into posts because of what others may do with your words. But, that is human nature. Your friends in PMs may do the same thing. I know that you are speaking in a general sense, but anytime we speak to others we run the risk of them using our words against us. But I don't think that anyone here twisted a verbal knife in you. Brow-beating, yeah. Stabbing, nah. But this is just my perspective. I appreciate you taking the time to "speak" with me, though.
erika2610 Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 E: Stillhere is an OW...are you talking about someone else? My apologies.. I must have been. Darn, who the heck was I talking about? Grrr..
Joelle Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 You most definitely don't represent the woman that hurt me. Not one of the OWs here represent that woman. My H hurt me. She was not at my wedding. She made no vows to me. To date, I still don't know her. And don't care to either. She has her own fallout to deal with, we have ours. Excellent point. I wish all BS's are as rational as you.
frannie Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 It seems like the Ow/OM here are getting irritated with everyone posting and commenting regularly on "their" forum. And I am really confused. The biggest complaints seem to be the those not in their sitch are judgemental or trying to force them to change their status, or that they just want to talk to people in their situation. How exactly does that go? What kinds of conversations are "supposed" to be going on here? Because I honestly don't hang out where I am not wanted. I don't know what conversations we're 'supposed' to be having on here, but I know the type of conversations I don't want to be involved in. They are ones in which my morality, my judgment, and my mental health are questioned by people with virtually no knowledge of me or the man I'm involved with. I don't want to have to defend myself (or him) against generalised commentary along the lines of: all OW have no self-esteem and need therapy, all MM are commitment-phobic liars, if he marries you it's just creating a vacancy for another OW... etc. etc. IF I was looking for help or advice in my situation I would approach people who had an open mind, didn't attack with assumptions and a cartload of their own unexamined baggage, and had preferably been in my situation or could at least empathise in an intelligent manner and provide useful suggestions or support. I don't really see a lot of that around here. Hence not sharing much. Simple, really.
erika2610 Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 I don't know what conversations we're 'supposed' to be having on here, but I know the type of conversations I don't want to be involved in. They are ones in which my morality, my judgment, and my mental health are questioned by people with virtually no knowledge of me or the man I'm involved with. I don't want to have to defend myself (or him) against generalised commentary along the lines of: all OW have no self-esteem and need therapy, all MM are commitment-phobic liars, if he marries you it's just creating a vacancy for another OW... etc. etc. IF I was looking for help or advice in my situation I would approach people who had an open mind, didn't attack with assumptions and a cartload of their own unexamined baggage, and had preferably been in my situation or could at least empathise in an intelligent manner and provide useful suggestions or support. I don't really see a lot of that around here. Hence not sharing much. Simple, really. You don't see useful suggestions or support? Really? Because I do. And I've been around in this forum for years. Yes, some of it is just downright nast, that I won't deny. Some come here just to "stir the turd". But also what I have seen are posters just lashing out at people who are just trying to give them advice. The problem is they don't like the advice they get. Some posters sugarcoat it, and try to tell you what you want to hear. On the other hand, some are just blatant, and they'll tell you how it is, bsaically are more "in your face". But that doesn't mean they have bad advice, or are trying to attack you. Sometimes it's the more in your face posters that are the most helpful. I learned alot in this forum, and I like to think I helped some too.. and who was it that told me I was helpful? It was a BS. So bottom line, BS and OW can really learn something through posting together in this forum..
frannie Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 You don't see useful suggestions or support? Really? Because I do. And I've been around in this forum for years. Yes, some of it is just downright nast, that I won't deny. Some come here just to "stir the turd". But also what I have seen are posters just lashing out at people who are just trying to give them advice. The problem is they don't like the advice they get. Some posters sugarcoat it, and try to tell you what you want to hear. On the other hand, some are just blatant, and they'll tell you how it is, bsaically are more "in your face". But that doesn't mean they have bad advice, or are trying to attack you. Sometimes it's the more in your face posters that are the most helpful. I learned alot in this forum, and I like to think I helped some too.. and who was it that told me I was helpful? It was a BS. So bottom line, BS and OW can really learn something through posting together in this forum.. I didn't say I don't see any useful advice or suggestions. My comment was: "I don't really see a lot of that around here." By which I meant that it is in short supply compared to a lot of the other things I was talking about. I would have thought that the number of OW who are distressed and asking for more support (or rather less of the moralising) would indicate that there is a problem here. I define it as a 'problem' because some people asking for support are just ending up frustrated. But I wasn't complaining or suggesting changes, merely observing. It's probably a common problem with asking for advice in general rather than something specific to LS. It is entirely up to others to decide whether this forum is useful or not to them, and I'm sure some people have got a lot out of it in one way or another.
greeneyes78 Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 I just have one comment: if I was an OW, I wouldn't come to this forum for advice. The replies (attacks) that I've read so far are so predictable... The bottom line is that if you're an OW, majority of LS members will judge you, question your self-esteem, bash your morals and upbringing... you'll feel worthless and defensive just by reading the so called "advice" given. You don't need to spend your valuable time on typing anything and creating a thread... you can rest assured that the responses you get will follow the common theme. Very predictable and not too thought-provoking....
erika2610 Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 I just have one comment: if I was an OW, I wouldn't come to this forum for advice. The replies (attacks) that I've read so far are so predictable... The bottom line is that if you're an OW, majority of LS members will judge you, question your self-esteem, bash your morals and upbringing... you'll feel worthless and defensive just by reading the so called "advice" given. You don't need to spend your valuable time on typing anything and creating a thread... you can rest assured that the responses you get will follow the common theme. Very predictable and not too thought-provoking.... You obviously haven't read alot of posts. I know of many people that have been helped here. I think you're post was pretty rude though....
noforgiveness Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 I never said that you were the one who called me a hooker. I know that you did not. I generalized BS's in that statement. It seems you made me your own personal assignment. To break me of my situation, and push me until i snap. Well, i did. This is not like me. I am not a bitter person in general, but i do become one when i am pushed over the edge. Between you and noforgiveness (whom i was always respectful to) i couldn't take it anymore. I know that my situation isn't ideal. I am fully aware of that. I sometimes just want to vent, to get the thoughts out of my head and see what others opinions are. I don't need some self righteous person (not talking about you here) to come in, completely disregard the question or statement, and tell me that i'm the biggest piece of sh*t that ever walked the earth. Statements like that are meant to be hurtful and to irritate me. Some i don't let bother me, but some do. When you came on the scene, i had no problems with you. I was respectful, but then you started to push me and you wouldn't stop, even after i told you i was done. You wouldn't let things be. I chose to walk away. I have enough bs to deal with in my life, far more than anyone knows, and i didn't need the insults. I just wanted to clarify since you brought my name into this. I never called you a name. I asked you to look at the situation you are in and I think I asked you some tough questions and may have caused you to look deeper. I actually did this out of respect for your posting and the spirit and intelligence that i have seen come through your writing. YOU are better than the situation you have put yourself in and i wish you had enough self respect to see that. I know we will see you crying on here one day when his wife finds out. I think you know that too. Why do it to yourself?
noforgiveness Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 oh and stillhere i don't think those words were ever used. I think the harshest words that were said is that you seem to be a kept woman. What is it you personally would call a woman who is dating a married man and receives an allowance from him?
yousaveme Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Everyone is permitted to post where they want. But its when it becomes a witch hunt when it becomes wrong. I have tried to post on here. But when i am going through a rough time i dont need it getting any rougher. I have stopped myself several times to post a problem i am having whether it has to with my relationship with the MM or a health related issue. In fear it will later be used to attack me. I came here for support and some advise. I met some very nice people. But there are others who are just mean to the core. And i guess they feel that since they cant go after the OW in their situtation that they are permitted to go after a OW they dont know.
lasan Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Everyone has an opinion. I started posting about my experiences as a BS. Sometimes I don't get the response I would like from other BS's. I think it is because they are too angry to see some of the truth in what I am saying. In the long run, people can imply what they want about me. If you can wade through the anger, you can get to the real points. If you learn one thing from anyone here, it has been worth it.
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