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Trust Issues


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Posted

I was looking for some advice and i have no other place to go...Im having trust issues i want to get rid of....Me and my girlfriend were dating for 9 months when i found out that she was talking to other guys on the internet..i usually wouldn't have a problem with this if the conversation was innocent..but she was wanting them to come over and stuff and she was giving them her cell phone number and texting back and forth with them about them meeting and stuff....i also found out that shes had cyber *** a couple times.....and she sent non-nude pictures of her to them....not to mention she had A LOT of other guy friends from school calling her and all these guys wanted was to have *** with her...i told her to tell them to stop calling but everytime i brought it up she would get mad and i'd have to talk to them myself......so i confronted her about the text messages and i finally had enough and left her....so about 4 months later i figured she changed and i went back to her...she told me that in the last relationship we've had she actually kissed another guy..and i figured she'd be sorry about it but i asked her what she felt at the time and she said she didn't feel bad or anything...i love her with everything that i got and i know she loves me...but now im having major trouble trusting her...her dad works 24 hours every other day and she has no step mom so shes home alone a lot and i tend to worry about her and what shes doing every minute im not with her...she has a lot of time by herself and i just don't know if its gunna happen again....i want to trust her more than anything but i seem to have trouble doing it...i can't help but to ask her tons of questions to find out what she did that day or whats shes planning to do when shes hanging out with her female friends....not trusting her isn't really like me but i think some of its jealousy but am i being to strict and untrusting? What should i do to remedy this trust issue?

Posted
but am i being to strict and untrusting? What should i do to remedy this trust issue?

 

No, of course you are not. In fact, this girl is very lucky to have someone like you in her life.

 

This girl probably suffers from something called histrionic personality disorder (http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis1/p21-pe06.html). I don't know her of course, so it is just a guess. You can confirm it by looking at the symptoms. If not, you can ignore the rest of this message :)

 

I dunno how old she is, but the good news is that this kind of disorder usually fades away with maturity. So, I'd say she could start to change at the age of 23 to 25.

 

Honestly, if I were you, I'd just run away and never look back. She will betray you again and again, and she will drive you nuts. She could make you lose your concentration and really affect your whole life.

 

If you can just cut her off, that would be my advice. If you have to see her everyday, so cutting her off is hard, then it is all up to you and how much you love her. But, honestly, she is not going to change overnight. so you have to be very careful.

 

Hope this helps

Posted
so about 4 months later i figured she changed and i went back to her.

 

That's a big mistake. People don't change like that. You have every reason not to trust her.

 

What should you do to remedy this situation? Find another girl to date. There are plenty of them, many of whom wouldn't give you a reason not to trust.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks For The Reply...but i mean...i think i can work this out with her...and believe it or not, she has changed...she doesn't talk to guys or anything on the internet anymore....noone calls...and her cell is disconnected..all these things i've mentioned are fixed but i still can't seem to trust her as much as i used to....theres gotta be a way...something to do to trust her like i once did...right? i mean i forgave her for cheating an all that stuff..im not mad about it anymore..its like..i KNOW it wont happen again but i keep thinking it will... since we've started dating again shes only lied to me like once...and thats cuz her friends pressured her into it....but she hasn't really done anything wrong...she's been very trustworthy but i still can't seem to trust her as much as i did....i just want things to work out...i believe this is the girl i wanna marry....anymore input?

  • Author
Posted

Im 17 and Shes 16...but we're both mature for our age...i mean...we're relatively young and we'll both make our mistakes...but this whole thing bothers her a lot..and it bothers me a lot too...i just wanna be able to trust her again...cuz right now she doesn't really have a social life anymore...she pretty much got rid of all her friends for me..i guess to prove to me that i can trust her...but i mean..i want her to have friends an all that.....i just feel like im too controlling

Posted

Marry? Surely you're joking!

 

Look, once the car's frame is bent, the car is totaled. You can't drive it anymore.

Posted

Maybe she has changed, maybe not. That she feels no remorse for jerking you around the last time, even to the point of kissing someone else kind of speaks for her character.

 

Let's say she has changed. Now look at you. You don't trust her anymore. Both of you are very young (please don't take that as condescension) and have so much of your lives ahead of you. Go find someone who you can have a real trusting and respectful relationship with.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks For All The Help And Replies!!!...And i forgot to mention what when she kissed him she told me that he just kept saying bad things about me and asking her why shes with me...kinda like brainwashing her...i mean..it wasn't much..just a peck on the cheek......But I forgave her for all that shes done.....and i just know that we can work it out...i mean when we're together we're happy..no hard feelings or anything..i know shes truly sorry for what she did...and i believe her on that....and i am 99.9 percent sure that she wouldn't do that to me again...shes done a lot to show me shes changed and that it won't happen again.....its just the lingering thought of "what if"....there must be some way to get rid of that right??

Posted

you should just forgive her, and trust her again. i mean, if you know for a fact that you wanna be with this girl for the rest of your life..take a chance. live life to the extreme. technically you only have one life to live before you go to a better place(or worse, depends). but i mean you could die tomorrow or she could. just accept her wrongs and get over it. just live for today don't worry about tomorrows day.

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