aquadeasiac Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 The ex & I broke up six months ago. He broke up with me saying "he wanted to be single for a while" (bullcrap)... We haven't spoken in around five months or so... I saw him two days ago at a show. After two months of being broken up, he went out with some chick for a month and said they weren't much into each other. I'm still very hurt and very not over the breakup. (*sigh*) Long story short, it was a year&two months relationship and ended very badly. He initiated NC and I know it was all my fault for over-doing the begging (and I wish I knew better back then...) We do have mutual friends and sometimes, I quesiton myself when I tell them how I feel or when I need to rant. Sometimes, I can't help but get a little "butthurt" when they mention him, or spend time with him. I've experienced some of these friends being a little two faced to me. How do you deal with mutual friends? At times I just seriously wish that I never met them, so I can live my life without my ex's name or existance popping around.
bchlvr Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Are these mutual friends good friends, trusted friends, or more like acquaintances? It's understandable that you feel very uncomfortable when your ex's name pops up much less what he's up to. It's awkward and it makes one feel on guard wondering what they will say next time. I bet it hard to relax and fully enjoy the time spent together. Because youre still very hurt and not over the break-up, you may need to pull back from these friendships for a while. For me, seeing mutual friends keeps me emotionally hooked into my ex when I'm trying so hard to disengage. And, I find that spending time with mutual friends just seems to muddy the waters of NC. For now, how about focusing on those friends who can be there just for you. Let them hear your rantings and your hurt. They can give you the support you need without ambivalence. which is what these mutual friends are probably wrestling with knowing the both of you.
BannaBee57 Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Aquadeasiac, I'm right there with you in the trouble with mutual friends. My friend just totally undid all the hard work I had done with NC when she told my ex that I'm still "working through" the breakup from 4 months ago. This showed him that I'm still hurt about the breakup and probably even gave him a little ego boost It hurts that our friends can be so damn carless with our feelings like that. One of my best friends is my ex's cousin so I have to hear about him all the time! The only thing I can say is that I second bchlvr's suggestion to pull away form these friends a bit until you feel you can hear his name/see him in passing without it hurting you so much (this could be a long time away though). Or, you could try simply asking them to try not mentioning your ex when you're around. That might be a little ackward...and if they really are pretty two faced then they will probably run right to your ex and tell him all about how you are still so hurt about the breakup. I would want to avoid this at all costs though! I'm sure you have other groups of friends/family that you can spen more time with during this transition period. I hope you are feeling better soon
Author aquadeasiac Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 Ah.... Thanks guys for the input... I might just do that..
fabulousgal Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Aqua, I feel you. I walked away from a best friend of 8 years over this mutual bs. How horrible did I feel so depressed and grieving to only watch my best friend laugh carry on text and email with my ex. It's awful. I feel like I broke up with 2 ppl. I avoid parties where I think he will be, dinners, that kind of thing. Everyonce in awhile I'll pop by so people don't think I am not over it. Anyway, point is you have to DO YOU. Staying involved with these friends will only prolong the pain. Its kind of breaking NC in a weird way. You'll always be tortured with comments about them. It's not easy to hear someone is carrying on just fine without you. Anyway good luck, and don't be afraid to move yourself out of these situations. Real friends are few and far between.
Author aquadeasiac Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 Thanks fabulous, It's a little nice to hear someone in the same boat as me, I don't feel so alone..
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