Trashed Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 so... i'm hoping this is where this goes but if it doesn't i'll be more than happy to move it. anyways... i have written posts about guys that i haven't been sure about and wanted advice here, yes? well most of the time i knew in my gut that it wouldn't work. all i wanted was reassurance and wanted to hear what i wanted to hear. but i know that can't help me what so ever. the guys i have wanted advice about have mostly been full blown jerks. the guy i was just talking about in my recent thread "i know i did something wrong" in dating, turned out to be a complete ass. he was playing me basically when he was giving me this bull**** about wanting space. and i'm coming to find that if he was a decent guy or a decent person, he should have given me more of a chance to "redeem" myself even after things went too far. we didn't sleep together.. we did everything but... which is close enough to sex i guess. but maybe i'm putting too much pressure on normal people with this, but i have a big heart and i give people chances... and the benefit of the doubt... which makes me assume that everyone's the same as me, or i expect the same... which only gets ME hurt in the end. so i'm learning to keep my arms wide open but guard my heart. my heart has been hurt so much between things that have happened when i was young and up to even now. i have lived in a choatic broken home for a long time, but now i'm finally going to have some peace so i can finally find myself. i'm learning to not put my self-worth into male figures- i can't keep doing this even though my dad is very absent and distant from me, even though we live in the same house... i can't keep holding on to my mothers addictions and her sicknesses... i can't keep thinking about my horrible experiences with male figures (molestation and rape) because they WILL hold me back from a full and healthy life. i understand that i'm only 17 and have my whole life ahead of me. so i need to let the stupid little things go even though my heart is still somewhat vulnerable... and work out the big horrible things slowly, like a big cactus needle that's stuck inside my skin. if you're curious... i am going through therapy and on medication for my bipolar disorder/depression. i'm feeling much better. the fog is finally clearing and i can see past so many things. so... right now... there is a better potential love interest at hand. he's a christain. he's never done drugs. and we seem to have a million things in common. i'm going to play it cool- and i know how apparently... because at the party where met eachother... he was following me like a puppy but not creepy and desperate like... it was like... mutual if you know what i mean. i feel like i have finally found a guy i mesh with so well that i actually like and that most likely has feelings back (i'm getting those 'i know' vibes) right when he got my number he texted me an hour later with a little inside joke we have. and we're planning on meeting up soon. so... i'm not going to ruin this one, i know this for sure. because he's not a jerk... and he'll treat me right... he's the sweetest guy... and one top of it.. he's VERY cute... he reminds me of napoleon dynamite... but wayyy cuter. anyhow... i better stop rambling before i get myself into trouble. i don't know. i was so bummed about that one guy i was talking about a few days ago... but i feel much better... i still hurt a little but small gashes like that do mend. what doesn't kill you makes you either stronger or weaker... depending on how you look at it. "as long as you learn the lesson... you never lose." -my dad. thats all for now.. rachel (aka- trashed) ps... i'm going to be on here more often. you guys seem like a good group for support.
silentalways Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 describe another as needy, clingy, desparate i am gonna puke! its these people that are the ones that should look in the mirror! anyhoooo, i would like to say to you - congrats for 'making it out of the bi-polar fog'. i understand how hard that is so - treat yourself to something [or someone - wink] special. and i am glad you found someone at the right time for you. make sure you keep him in the loop so when the next cycle hits he will clue in. you sound in great spirits. kewl. as for being bummed out about that guy - its ok to feel that way. when people treat you without respect - move on. personally i have been thru the most whacked year and a half of my life and i know that i never ever wanna go thru something like that again - in fact, i am still tending to parts of that past that need cleaning up. and i will do so! trust me. as for relationships, what i have learned recently is that if someone uses an 'excuse' to not talk about something - then they haven't learned how to be in a healthy relationship. i will never understand why people place so much 'import' on what are basically simple conversations? if anyone would like to hear about my spooky and weird year, send me an email or hook up with me on msn. btw, someone named justmememememe posted a great comment about women and how porn can make or break things - nice to see a mature, healthy, playfull and understanding take on that subject. big love.
parTgirl Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 if anyone would like to hear about my spooky and weird year, send me an email or hook up with me on msn. silentalways, you've got me curious. i'd like to hear about your "spooky and weird" year. you don't have any contact info. how can i hear about it?
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