SamanthaX Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Where to begin? How do you summarize 4 long years in a concise paragraph? iwil try to give you the scoop without boring you. We were long distance for 2 years, I moved to the city where he lived and he moved in after about a year. He had bought a house and we were going to move in a couple of weeks ago. He had been acting very strangely. Closing the door to our home office when he normally left it open. I had been having my doubts about moving in and was nervous he was being unfaithful. I looked on his computer (somethign I regret because of what I found and the fact that I lowered my morals by violating his privacy no matter what the result) and found he had been speaking with many women online about sex and had multiple profiles. I confronted him and he moved out. I canceled the movers and here I sit in the ruin of our relationship. He has been all over the map since this happened. He's come back, apologized, yeled, asked me to move in, told me he wanted to move on, told me a million things but here I sit in my own home. He does not want to be with me. I know that. He does not love me and cares very little about me. I feel free. Our relationship was never perfect. We were both hot-headed and argued constantly. I nagged him about housekeeping issues because he was such a slob and constantly pestered him about where our relationship was going because he made it all so unstable and I never felt safe. I coulnd't sleep. I gained weight. I became more withdrawn and depressed. Everytime he tried to end it I guilted him into staying with tears. I never fully trusted him because he was unusually secretive about the most menial things. It started alot of arguments. He would constantly belittle me (calling me an idiot, a loser, fat, stupid, etc.) and make me feel like nothing eventhough my career was taking off and I make more money than him. I don't know why I am writing all this. I just feel horrible. He took away so many years of my life and I still think about him and wonder why he never loved me.He alienated me from my friends and my family. I have no one but me and am finding it hard to muster up the strength I need. This is not the woman I want to be. We are not talking anymore. He has made it clear that he wants no part of me and wants to move on. We have a dog together so the only meetings we have set are for him to pick her up from me before and after the holidays. I have done alot of post-breakup thigns I am not proud of but today it stops. No more calls, emails, IMS, no answering his attempts, just time to focus on my physical and mental well-being.
miss snoopy Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 ((((((((((Hugs))))))))) I don't have anything to add besides that you're doing the right thing. Something I found useful when I started coming here was reading similar people's stories - the break up that brought me here (LS) sounds similar to yours, and I did the same as you re reading his emails. And similarly, I earned a lot more than he did yet he often seemed to misappreciate stuff I did and given his ex gf whom he loved but dumped earned less than the minimum wage, I could see how hard it was for him accepting the reversed role - but what should one do, give half of one's wages to charity to make him feel manly? Just stay strong and be glad you're rid of this toxic relationship. I went through a phase of wanting him back but thankfully that's now passed. If he comes back the merry-go-round will only begin again and we deserve so much more than this.
Author SamanthaX Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 I have not been caling, emailing or texting him. He said he was done with me and I have took that to heart. He has not been conatcting me either. I got 2 texts from his last night which I did not reply to. One was an icon of a boy crying. The next was him asking me if I hate him. What is he up to? Why is he contacting me? I am not going to respond but I still want to know what the hell.
Author SamanthaX Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 He emailed me and texted me nothign things like happy thanksgiving and i am trying to stay strong and not respond. why is he conatcting me? his words and actions said i dont want to be with you...I want a new life. I am giving it to him. Why is doign this?
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