simonwcc Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Hiya Ive recently broke up and am going through the stages, and trying so very hard to stick to NC, reading through the posts here is realy helping, making me realise its not just me :-) Im currently on NC day 4, i think im doing quite well, up and down, i expected it to get a bit better everyday but its just seeming everyday is different so far as something new comes along that i have to get over that reminds me of something...im struggling a bit, keep thinking of holidays we had and fantastic good times and I keep looking at old photos and im not sure if its helping or making it worse! So i just crack on now, see my friends and keep busy as much as possible and not think of past holidays? or set a time everyday like in the bath to think about the nice things past? ...Ive read a few posts here about dreams, every night since the breakup there has been a dream about her and we are together again and i wake up and its not the case...and i know im just going to have another tonight :-( Im not sure whats the best mental step forward, im sticking to NC and its sooo hard...but what to do with my brain!? Many Thanks guys Simon
BannaBee57 Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Hey Simon, Sorry to hear about your heartbreak. The dreams will pass, at least they did for me. You just have to go a little further into the nc and your mind will start to ease up on you a bit. However, the same can not be said for the waking hours of the day. You just have to keep youself as busy as possible and try to find new things that you enjoy doing. You may want to stop looking at those old photos though. Looking at her will continue to remind you of the good times. So, put them all away somewhere!
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 I'm in NC too but a little further along. What I found helped me is to be busy but also, instead of dwelling on the positives of the relationship, I focus on the signs and the negatives. I'm pretty brutal to myself about the fact that it didn't work for the simple reason that I wasn't the one. If he didn't value me enough to not cheat and use, he's the loser in the end because I dumped his sorry arse.
Author simonwcc Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 Many thanks for your replies guys. Today ive had the worst day possible, and the worst day yet, maybe its finaly sinking in? i went shopping for some things i needed, and just the busyness of the shopping and the stress got to me, almost leading me to tears in the middle of the place! i just wanted to go straight home and cry in my bed :-( Im home now and calmed down a little, im so tempted to email, to text or send a message to her through a friend or something. Today has been so hard, im going to go to bed now and hope for an easier day tommorow.. Im going to take you advice, im going out with a friend and going to try and keep super busy next week with work and friends, and try stay away from old photos. I suppose soon, as all the things come along that remind me of her come, make me sad, and then pass i suppose its another thing over? the path to sanity! Thanks again, I may have to carry on rambling, just to know im making progress, This is my first love and my first breakup, im realy confused and lost, every turn, every time I wake a suprise is in store :-( :-) Si
Author simonwcc Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 ...and i hate myspace, now i find myself stalking her...i know ill have to stop, but curiosity killed the cat......must try and sleep!
D-Lish Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 ...and i hate myspace, now i find myself stalking her...i know ill have to stop, but curiosity killed the cat......must try and sleep! Stay away from the Myspace!!! It's just inviting heartache. You don't want to know what your ex is up to... it only makes things much more difficult. I'm sooooo not good at the NC. I send off my ex bf a silly little e-mail every few weeks, and he never responds. It's almost become a game... will he respond this time? nope. It's hard to stay strong, but keep it up. Sorry you're hurting. It takes a little while to settle into the reality that they are gone. Friends and work provide a good alternative focus during this time. D
Scruffy Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 ...and i hate myspace, now i find myself stalking her...i know ill have to stop, but curiosity killed the cat......must try and sleep! ahhh yes the dreaded myspace. I feel for ya man. My ex has her own myspace now too. It's so damn hard to not look at it. I hate it also. I can't tell you how many stories I have seen that invole this myspace. To me it's just as bad as the devil right now. Sometimes I honestly think it's what is keeping my ex away from me. She's too shy to actually go out and meet people. My ex keeps finding all these single guys around the area and needless to say bad thoughts are ALWAYS going through my head.
Author simonwcc Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 EVIL MYSPACE, you just dont want to know what they are upto!..but you do! its quite odd, you want them to be happy and know they are happy and having fun..but dont?! I'm going to steer well clear of myspace, well ill try my very best, ive just woke from yet another dream were get back together...i think im going to have to try and get seriously busy, im just going in circles here :-( Thanks for your words, its a fantastic help this place! :-) Si
Spinderella Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 The way I always deal with these things, is to just go with it, dont expect to be happy, dont focus on an end result or resist what is happening. Yes, keep away from My space, and anywhere that you know she goes, and really accept that its over now. Its the quickest way, really.
D-Lish Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 ....its quite odd, you want them to be happy and know they are happy and having fun..but dont?! Hell no I don't wish the ex to be happy! I in fact hope he is curled up in a little ball in the corner sobbing out of regret for leaving me! STAY AWAY FROM MYSPACE.... How many times do I have to say that??? BAD, BAD, BAD idea.
Guest Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 I would agree to stay away from Myspace, although, funny story... I found my ex's new girlfriend's Myspace and discovered: She is ridiculously unattractive. She is skanky and sexually vulgar. She has no grammar or spelling skills, or really any signs of higher intelligence. She is unemployed. And it made me feel better because in my mind, I pictured he was with this amazing, smart, beautiful girl and now I'm like..aaaaaaaaahahahah. Nevermind.
Author simonwcc Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 oh crap im struggling tonight, im so tempted to text or a simple email, so tempted, its so easy to forget all that wasnt right, with so much love left it seems so very wrong :-(
Spinderella Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 oh crap im struggling tonight, im so tempted to text or a simple email, so tempted, its so easy to forget all that wasnt right, with so much love left it seems so very wrong :-( What do you think you would gain from doing this Simon? I'm not saying you definetly shouldn't, but, be honest, what are you hoping for from this email? Are you prepared for not getting the outcome you desire? You see (assuming it was she who left you, which it must have been), this is how YOU feel, but, if she felt the same way then she would be contacting you. Its not nice at all to go through this, but, however much you think you are not making progress, you are. It gets worse before it gets better, thats all. Perhaps you could say that you will allow yourself an email to her, if you make two weeks through NC?
Author simonwcc Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 we both agreed to split realy fairly evenly, we knew it wasnt right but sooo much love on both sides, but we were just hurting each other :-( Thanks for your response, i know it would only cause problems and even set me back, the heart just needs or something? the brain knows what was done was right...but the heart goes on loving and needing to help ..gosh its all messy and bizare all this process isnt it, you just cant imagine what it feels like until you are in it, i had no idea it could be sooo powerfull :-(
miss snoopy Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 we both agreed to split realy fairly evenly, we knew it wasnt right but sooo much love on both sides, but we were just hurting each other :-( Two people are sooo in love with each other... then decide to split mutually - isn't that just the way you see it? People don't split up when there's so much love on both sides! I dumped my ex before we got back together but he claimed it was a mutual break-up, well that's not how I remember it with him begging me to make it a "break" and not a break-up etc. And what I thought was love I now know was lust and fondness... loads of things but certainly not love, even though he said the L word ad nauseam.
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