blon_dee Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Hi everyone... i was posting a few weeks ago, at the time of my initial break up.. Short version, with bf about 5 mths. I pushed him away the whole time, hadnt dealt with marriage break up and i guess i just found fault in everything he did. Made a very spur of the moment decision and broke up with him (by email, how stupid is that, i wasnt thinking straight!) He was pretty nonchalant about it at the time, maybe defence mechanism, im not sure... But then i realised i had made a mistake, have sent countless emails and messages.. I really am hopeless at the no contact thing.. I have had no responses. Until the other day, he sent an email just saying hi, hoped i was doing well, was glad i had been working through my issues and said he was really happy for me,and MISSES me, and said would be good to be friends... What does this mean? I would like a second chance. He initially said no, we were too different. Is he having second thoughts? I havent said anything about the relationship, i just thanked him for the nice email and said yeah it would be good to be friends. I have left it at that. Havent heard from him again as yet, but this was only a few days ago.. Just wondering what to do now.. Just hang back and wait and see? Tell him i am ready now and ask for a nother chance? Just be friends and see? I dont know what to do. BUt i miss him so much. More than i ever thought i would....
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Get together as friends and gauge it from there. It is impossible to read things into emails. Perhaps he frequents this site and has read all the NC advice, and put it into practise straight away. Perhaps he had enough of being held at arms length and no longer wanted the relationship after it ended, but still cares for you and wants to be friends. No-one can know. The only way to find out is to get together in person and see how he is. Dont start begging him though, maybe dont even mention the relationship at all the first few times, hard as it will be. Just see if you can work anything out from the way he acts with you. Maybe leave it a few days and then if he hasnt asked to see you, ask him if he wants to meet up and do something. One thing though, had you begun getting over him already? Or were you still emailing him frantically when you recieved his email?
Author blon_dee Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 Thanks for that advice, sounds pretty reasonable.. Yeah i had started to accept the idea, not get over it. Buti hadnt hassled him for over a week and i just emailed him to thank him for a lot of things he did for me, which i did not appreciate at the time. He said he thought me thanking him was "weird" but as i said, also said he missed me and blah blah... Im not sure. I would like to work things out, but i guess better to just wait and see if we can be friends. Hes back on the dating site we met on though. So i figure hes already "over me".. It sucks. He was madly in love with me, and i just pushed and pushed. Now i have realised my mistakes, but it looks like its too late..
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 I usually have the same problems so I know how you feel. Its awful to realise that you threw away a good thing. Thing is though, you can only do what you can do at the time. You were going through a process with your emotions, and that was neccessary for you. Perhaps he is the right person for you, but, perhaps he isnt. It is hard to tell when you feel pain from rejection and missing someone. If you do get back together, make sure you take it slowly and deal with things along the way, rather than this mad push/pulling and indecisiveness. Be calm about it. Maybe you should not even hurry to try to get back with him just yet either. Take it slow. Him missing you can mean anything of course. It does sound as though he misses being in a relationship with you, but it could also mean that he misses you as a person, but does not want to be in the relationship again.
demilde Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Going on the dating site might just be a cathartic exercise; who knows? You obviously hurt him and I guess he doesn't want to get hurt again. But maybe he would have you back if you were who you were went you first met. I'd keep a low profile for a bit and then maybe suggest meeting up as friends and take it from there. If you behave like you dod when you first met, appear confident, and look good, but are not talking about the relationship, but simply out to have some fun together, it may make him start to see you differently. wish my ex was feeling like you!! but I don't think she is.
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