Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 Sweetie, I just skidded through all your other threads and it sounds to me like the relationship you have with this guy is part of the things that contributes to your body-image issues. Or perhaps it is the insecurities and addiction which are making you stay or hope for a relationship with a man who frankly doesn’t seem to be cutting it for you. One thing that jumps out of your posts is : This guy is not ready for the more loving and serious relationship that you long for. This has been going on for a year. It is time YOU do what is best for YOU instead of you trying to understand him or manipulate him into opening up. Meaning, you must realize he doesn't cut it for you. His loss. I think he is part of the things that make you feel insecure. For that reason, I would turn to someone else right now with the addiction issues. A friends, a family member (moms are usually great) or a doctor. The last thing you want to do is use an addiction as a bargaining tool. First I wanted to tell you thanks for reading my other posts regarding this situation. It does help to know some background before responding to any of my posts They always seem to relate anyway lol. I am realizing now, very slowly, that he's not going to reciprocate feelings because I'm sure he has his own problems, and he doesn't want to deal with anymore feelings than he has to. Meaning that he needs to love himself before he loves anybody, I kinda understood that when he told me that "no one understands me" even though we really didn't talk about serious things. He NEVER would open up, so I know he has things that he's hiding, and even though, I've told him that he can trust me (through actions & words) he's still having trouble or he's that ashamed or whatever who knows. But all I know is, I need to stop thinking about him so much, stop contacting him, and if he comes around after I haven't talked to him in awhile, then fine, but in the meantime I'm not going to wait around or "think" of ways to get him to open up, because that's his job..it's his turn now. You're right that in a way, he brings out my insecurities, like when he doesn't contact me or keep in touch, because it's left me worrying "what did I do? or what should I do to change that?" So if I don't contact him for awhile, it will show him that I'm not thinking about him so much. I thought that since Sept, if I called him about 5 times, that it isn't excessive, but if he's not going to contact me besides emails, then he'll see that I've changed and wonder what's up. Like I said though, when he left, he said if I ever need someone to talk to, to call him. Well I've just been calling him with fun or happy things, not so much serious, so is that the problem why he's not keeping contact, because I can't be serious? That's why I was thinking of more serious issues. BUT our relationship was never that serious so he's got me confused.
Kamille Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 But all I know is, I need to stop thinking about him so much, stop contacting him, and if he comes around after I haven't talked to him in awhile, then fine, but in the meantime I'm not going to wait around or "think" of ways to get him to open up, because that's his job..it's his turn now. I'm so glad to hear you say this. You have to know what you want in a relationship, and if he is not offering it to you, then you need to move on. You're right that in a way, he brings out my insecurities, like when he doesn't contact me or keep in touch, because it's left me worrying "what did I do? or what should I do to change that?" So if I don't contact him for awhile, it will show him that I'm not thinking about him so much. I've been there. Often. I'll probably be there again. But all i can say is that this kind of thought is a waste of time. The bottom line is he's not right for you. And that means that there is nothing you can do. Well I've just been calling him with fun or happy things, not so much serious, so is that the problem why he's not keeping contact, because I can't be serious? That's why I was thinking of more serious issues. BUT our relationship was never that serious so he's got me confused. Hmm ok. I see that you're not willing to let go of him that easy. But I wonder why you feel and have felt so much pressure to keep things fun and happy. In my good relationship (2 of them), intimacy and openness just kind of happened naturally. So my question is: why do you felt so much pressure to keep things fun and happy?
Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 I'm so glad to hear you say this. You have to know what you want in a relationship, and if he is not offering it to you, then you need to move on. I've been there. Often. I'll probably be there again. But all i can say is that this kind of thought is a waste of time. The bottom line is he's not right for you. And that means that there is nothing you can do. Hmm ok. I see that you're not willing to let go of him that easy. But I wonder why you feel and have felt so much pressure to keep things fun and happy. In my good relationship (2 of them), intimacy and openness just kind of happened naturally. So my question is: why do you felt so much pressure to keep things fun and happy? Yah honestly, I think I'm in denial about him not being the right one for me, because we got along great, except for the emotional piece of the puzzle was missing. We'd discuss issues when they came up in an argument or something or when jealousy arose, but other than that, it was just casual fun. The answer to your last question: Well, I could tell that deep down inside of him, he needed someone to make him happy. I could tell he'd be in a down mood about himself alot. And maybe he thinks that I can't "come down" to his level, but I can..like I've mentioned about those pills. But he doesn't know that. He probably just thinks I'm all fun & games, which is good, but maybe he thinks I'm not taking him seriously. If he never asked me for advice on his problems, then how am I supposed to know to be serious ya know? And that's maybe why he's not calling me back right away because I keep being funny in voice mails, and not hitting him up on serious issues? Anyway, like I said, the only reason that I think he has problems is because he's told me in little hints that he does, but he never comes out and tells me what's really bothering him, what the real core of the reason is. I rememeber once that he said "no one understands me" and I told him that I was trying to understand him, but then he said, well you never call me?" WHAT? I always called him, he was the one that shyed away from the phone calls. That was also the night that we said we both liked each other. But how was I to know this whole time that he wanted me to contact him on more serious matters than the casual stuff?
Recommended Posts