chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Would telling a guy (that you've dated for awhile) that you have a problem with something...such as diet pills to stay skinny (model), would that make things weird, or would a guy try to help with your problem. Also, would that let him open up his problems to me? Just curious, because I've been contemplating whether or not I should tell him about this. Would any guys on here think it's weird that I have a problem like that, or that a guy will think less of you about this certain problem?
johan Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 What do you mean when you say "problem". Addiction? Habit? You just do it as a professional thing? You hate it or like it? I like your posts. You try so hard for this (these) guy(s). My opinion: don't be fake. Don't do fake things. Don't try to mold/sculpt yourself in a superficial way, and make me wonder if you're actually superficial.
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 How long have you been dating, and how old is he?
alphamale Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Would any guys on here think it's weird that I have a problem like that, or that a guy will think less of you about this certain problem? Look sister....I really don't care how you stay a size 2 as long as you do...
Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 What do you mean when you say "problem". Addiction? Habit? You just do it as a professional thing? You hate it or like it? I like your posts. You try so hard for this (these) guy(s). My opinion: don't be fake. Don't do fake things. Don't try to mold/sculpt yourself in a superficial way, and make me wonder if you're actually superficial. yep..addiction. when you say I try hard for these guys...I think the fact of the matter is that I do...because I've lost a sense of myself..and I've never had anyone leave me, I've always been the leaver so it's different for me to understand I will admit that I'm superficial to a certain point because of the things I do, but I'm trying hard not to be, and that's why I'm trying to overcome this problem now, I just don't know who I should turn to, or who is appropriate besides a doctor.
Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 How long have you been dating, and how old is he? for more than a year, and he's 32.
Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 Look sister....I really don't care how you stay a size 2 as long as you do... how did you know my exact size without getting in my pants?
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Dating more than a year and he's at least "supposed" to be somewhat mature at 32... I'd say YES, you really should share this problem with him. If you're close, you might be surprised to know that he's been aware of it for quite some time now. Addiction to diet pills could be deadly. Regardless of whether you share this problem with him, please seek help. This goes much deeper than simply being superficial...
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 I like your posts. You try so hard for this (these) guy(s). OMG. Are you saying that you like the fact that she's taking diet pills?
johan Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 OMG. Are you saying that you like the fact that she's taking diet pills? SG, I'm not saying that. You should read her recent threads. VIP cares. It has nothing to do with the pills/modeling/etc. Any decent guy would look past both of those things. VIP's challenge is to do that herself.
Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 Dating more than a year and he's at least "supposed" to be somewhat mature at 32... I'd say YES, you really should share this problem with him. If you're close, you might be surprised to know that he's been aware of it for quite some time now. Addiction to diet pills could be deadly. Regardless of whether you share this problem with him, please seek help. This goes much deeper than simply being superficial... and even if it's long distance now...would be easier or less awkward to tell him? I think it would also be a test of his maturity or to see how much he cares, honestly. yah I'm actually starting to have kidney problems due to this problem, I just wish that it wouldn't have come to this point to actually want to quit
Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 SG, I'm not saying that. You should read her recent threads. VIP cares. It has nothing to do with the pills/modeling/etc. Any decent guy would look past both of those things. VIP's challenge is to do that herself. I'm just scared now because I don't know who to turn to besides a doctor. I want to talk with someone that has known me, and that makes me feel comfortable with my body, so I can let lose & not care as much if I gain 5 lbs...like when I was with him. So it makes me miss him, the only thing he knew was that I was a light eater, and I may have looked skinny to him, which is why he'd tell me to eat more sometimes. But I was scared of what he might think of me going as low as taking diet pills to stay skinny.
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 and even if it's long distance now...would be easier or less awkward to tell him? I think it would also be a test of his maturity or to see how much he cares, honestly. yah I'm actually starting to have kidney problems due to this problem, I just wish that it wouldn't have come to this point to actually want to quit Well, it's always been easier FOR ME to have awkward conversations when the other person is physically far away... Don't know if you feel the same way, that's just my experience. Why do I get the feeling that you're using this situation as a "test"? You shouldn't be sharing this with him to TEST his maturity or to TEST how much he cares... because his reaction at first might be very different from what you'd expect. Addiction is a serious problem - and while he might care and be incredibly mature, he might have other issues or concerns that weigh on him in determining how much energy and help he can give you. In addition, addiction to diet pills - just like many other addictions - stems largely from a huge lack of self esteem. If you've convinced him that you're an uber-confident diva (I mean that in a good way), learning of this could throw him for a loop...make him think that maybe he never really knew you at all. Not to freak you out, but that's likely what he's going to think at first... Nevertheless, you need help. Period. And you can't go it alone. Surround yourself by those you love you, KNOW you, and will support you - close family and friends.
Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 Well, it's always been easier FOR ME to have awkward conversations when the other person is physically far away... Don't know if you feel the same way, that's just my experience. Why do I get the feeling that you're using this situation as a "test"? You shouldn't be sharing this with him to TEST his maturity or to TEST how much he cares... because his reaction at first might be very different from what you'd expect. Addiction is a serious problem - and while he might care and be incredibly mature, he might have other issues or concerns that weigh on him in determining how much energy and help he can give you. In addition, addiction to diet pills - just like many other addictions - stems largely from a huge lack of self esteem. If you've convinced him that you're an uber-confident diva (I mean that in a good way), learning of this could throw him for a loop...make him think that maybe he never really knew you at all. Not to freak you out, but that's likely what he's going to think at first... Nevertheless, you need help. Period. And you can't go it alone. Surround yourself by those you love you, KNOW you, and will support you - close family and friends. That's exactly what I have in the back of my head if I told him...when you mentioned the self-conidence part. Because that was what he liked about me, that I showed confidence. So you're right, that might throw him for a loop, it might even turn him off in a way. So I think I'm going to hold off on telling him. Now my question is, what did he mean if he told me right before he left that if I ever needed someone to talk to, to call him? In what context what does he mean?
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 That's exactly what I have in the back of my head if I told him...when you mentioned the self-conidence part. Because that was what he liked about me, that I showed confidence. So you're right, that might throw him for a loop, it might even turn him off in a way. So I think I'm going to hold off on telling him. Now my question is, what did he mean if he told me right before he left that if I ever needed someone to talk to, to call him? In what context what does he mean? He meant that if you ever needed someone to talk to, to call him. The foundation of a relationship is trust and honesty. You haven't been honest with him about who you are - what makes you YOU. Your vulnerabilities and insecurities are a part of your makeup. If you truly care about him, he deserves to know the truth... JMO.
Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 He meant that if you ever needed someone to talk to, to call him. The foundation of a relationship is trust and honesty. You haven't been honest with him about who you are - what makes you YOU. Your vulnerabilities and insecurities are a part of your makeup. If you truly care about him, he deserves to know the truth... JMO. So even if I haven't called him on serious matters yet, it's still ok that I might throw a bomb at him? I'm just trying to get all questions asked before I make my move, so I can go about it the right way. So if he does really care, he would understand that even though I acted one way, because I am confident, but when it comes to the way I look weight-wise I'm insecure, is that still going to make him think that it's weird?
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 So even if I haven't called him on serious matters yet, it's still ok that I might throw a bomb at him? I'm just trying to get all questions asked before I make my move, so I can go about it the right way. So if he does really care, he would understand that even though I acted one way, because I am confident, but when it comes to the way I look weight-wise I'm insecure, is that still going to make him think that it's weird? If you are taking diet pills because you're insecure about your weight, you are NOT confident. Period. In any way. It's all an act, a facade, not real. It's not going to make him think that it's weird, it's going to make him think that you're NOT confident after all...because...you're not. You take diet pills not just for the very superficial purpose of being thin. Why do you want to be thin? Because you think being thin is the way to gain attention, affection, LOVE... because you're not able to love YOURSELF you have to get it from other people, and you think you need to be something specific (i.e., thin) in order to get that love. If you were truly confident in and of yourself, if you loved yourself, you wouldn't be taking diet pills...period.
alphamale Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 If you are taking diet pills because you're insecure about your weight, you are NOT confident. Period. In any way. It's all an act, a facade, not real. It's not going to make him think that it's weird, it's going to make him think that you're NOT confident after all...because...you're not. I dont' agree at all...many people go thru life faking many things. Everyone has their weak points and we're not perfect.
Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 If you are taking diet pills because you're insecure about your weight, you are NOT confident. Period. In any way. It's all an act, a facade, not real. It's not going to make him think that it's weird, it's going to make him think that you're NOT confident after all...because...you're not. You take diet pills not just for the very superficial purpose of being thin. Why do you want to be thin? Because you think being thin is the way to gain attention, affection, LOVE... because you're not able to love YOURSELF you have to get it from other people, and you think you need to be something specific (i.e., thin) in order to get that love. If you were truly confident in and of yourself, if you loved yourself, you wouldn't be taking diet pills...period. Yah I think I need to work on myself before I tell him especially. It's odd because I feel confident when I'm in control of my weight, meaning control with the pills, that's why I was confident or came across as confident to him because I was comfortable with my body, but in order to stay confident I also took pills. So he might THINK that I'll act different because I'll be off the pills, but it's not the case, if I get help with my confidence without the pills. If that makes sense.
Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 I dont' agree at all...many people go thru life faking many things. Everyone has their weak points and we're not perfect. So alpha...would you agree that I should tell him? I'm not sure if StarGazer is female or male, you being an "alpha" male, what would you think? That's the thing, he thought I was close to perfect, and I'm not so if he knew this now, what would he think?
alphamale Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 So alpha...would you agree that I should tell him? I'm not sure if StarGazer is female or male, you being an "alpha" male, what would you think? That's the thing, he thought I was close to perfect, and I'm not so if he knew this now, what would he think? It depends on his personality....if he's the cool and relaxed alpha male type he'll be oK with it. If he's the conservative and uptight type then I'd say no.
Author chill chic Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 I dont' agree at all...many people go thru life faking many things. Everyone has their weak points and we're not perfect. OR (this is kinda dishonest) but would it be better if I told him I was taking them again, meaning I wasn't taking them at all when I knew him, but before & after. Pretty much letting him know that he was the one that made me feel comfortable with my body. Then it wouldn't be such a bomb if he thought I was being "fake" the whole time. UHH I don't know
Guest Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 There's no point in fooling someone into loving you. If he'll only accept you if you're confident in all things, then you don't need him. That's too much burden to put on a normal mortal. You have to tell him who you are. If it doesn't bother him, he's a keeper. If he'd dump you because you aren't pefect, then he's a jerk anyway.
Kamille Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 There's no point in fooling someone into loving you. If he'll only accept you if you're confident in all things, then you don't need him. That's too much burden to put on a normal mortal. You have to tell him who you are. If it doesn't bother him, he's a keeper. If he'd dump you because you aren't pefect, then he's a jerk anyway. V I P, I'll go check your other threads to figure this out, but let me get this straight: Are you still dating the guy you want to make this revelation to? Or have you two split up? (You say before and after him)
Kamille Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Sweetie, I just skidded through all your other threads and it sounds to me like the relationship you have with this guy is part of the things that contributes to your body-image issues. Or perhaps it is the insecurities and addiction which are making you stay or hope for a relationship with a man who frankly doesn’t seem to be cutting it for you. One thing that jumps out of your posts is : This guy is not ready for the more loving and serious relationship that you long for. This has been going on for a year. It is time YOU do what is best for YOU instead of you trying to understand him or manipulate him into opening up. Meaning, you must realize he doesn't cut it for you. His loss. I think he is part of the things that make you feel insecure. For that reason, I would turn to someone else right now with the addiction issues. A friends, a family member (moms are usually great) or a doctor. The last thing you want to do is use an addiction as a bargaining tool.
Recommended Posts