alphamale Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 ... then an hour later another IM which i did respond to, then signed off, then got a call which I did respond to at which point she said the most retarded thing I've ever heard in my life... "I want to be back with you I'm still just not sure." ... that was quite foolish....you have no hope now. she will play with your head for as long as you let her while she is sleeping with someone else. this is what happens when you denigrate the rules of NC
Guest Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Ick, this girl is a head case. I think she does want to keep you on a string to make sure you're still around when she needs you. You know that if you really wanted NC, you could accomplish it by blocking her on IM, changing your phone number or not answering her calls. It's such a temptation though and that's what people like her are relying on.
Author jjmac Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 that was quite foolish....you have no hope now. she will play with your head for as long as you let her while she is sleeping with someone else. this is what happens when you denigrate the rules of NC She's not sleeping with anyone else, we've already been over this... I asked her, "it would honestly be better if you were with another guy, or had some crush, you can tell me because I'm talking to people as well..." and she said, "that's def not it... I just need time to think if the next level is right for me..." I mean I'd like hope, and it's hard as hell not to text her and see how she is... but I have no trouble making the best of being single etc... Even if I replace her, I'll still care about her very much and be there for her... it'd be real tough to at least talk to her about things if she's willing to seriously commit, worse case is we have fun for another 6 months and she blows me off again... either way with each new day comes a new feeling as to the breakup...
alphamale Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 She's not sleeping with anyone else, think again bro...
BannaBee57 Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Alphamale, I love some of your responses..they're just so damn blunt. They seem to really get the job done. Maybe you have some good insight about my story that will slap me out of this over-analyzing funk I'm in... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t104611/
alphamale Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Alphamale, I love some of your responses..they're just so damn blunt. They seem to really get the job done. Maybe you have some good insight about my story that will slap me out of this over-analyzing funk I'm in... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t104611/ I'll look at it tomorrow for you
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 I agree with alphamale. She's hedging her bets.
Author jjmac Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 think again bro... Not everyone is like your ex's bro... It's great you have opinions and advice as to what to do in these situation, but leave it at, because making wild assumptions is just foolish... Not everyone leaves their ex because they're getting side action... I've left people in the past simply because I had too much going on with work/school/friends... Either way if you're right and it comes out, I'll def let you know and I'll post a vid of myself eating my shirt... well maybe..
Touche Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Not everyone is like your ex's bro... It's great you have opinions and advice as to what to do in these situation, but leave it at, because making wild assumptions is just foolish... Not everyone leaves their ex because they're getting side action... I've left people in the past simply because I had too much going on with work/school/friends... Either way if you're right and it comes out, I'll def let you know and I'll post a vid of myself eating my shirt... well maybe.. I agree with you jj. But also let me say this: You said you've left people because you had "too much going on." Well be honest here. If you had really been into those women you wouldn't have left them no matter how much you had going on. Come on, be honest. So if she doesn't have someone else and left you anyway, she isn't THAT into you. She's messing with your head. How old is she? Is she really young?
miss snoopy Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 . Not everyone leaves their ex because they're getting side action... True. I know for a fact that my ex isn't seeing anyone and wasn't seeing anyone when he broke up with his previous gf. Some people just have their own baggage they unconsciously bring into a relationship, may be their narcissistic idea of the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend/relationship/feeling one has in a relationship etc, and when this idea doesn't materialize or fades away they walk, citing all sorts of bull$hit reasons.
Author jjmac Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 I agree with you jj. But also let me say this: You said you've left people because you had "too much going on." Well be honest here. If you had really been into those women you wouldn't have left them no matter how much you had going on. Come on, be honest. So if she doesn't have someone else and left you anyway, she isn't THAT into you. She's messing with your head. How old is she? Is she really young? You're right, very right! What is your idea of young? We're in our mid to late twenties... I honestly do believe she's confused, perhpas about the goals she wants to reach and whether she can get there in a serious relationship. The way she left me wasn't the way a girl who didn't care would have done it, or someone who had been cheating would... She said things didn't feel right and for some reason she couldn't say the words, "I love you," or commit. She was crying, like balling over this... Honestly, it's in my best interest to just cut my losses and move on, but it's very hard when she calls saying the things she said to me last night... It keeps hope alive, I told her she really needs to stop calling on a whim like this and really take the time to think about what she wants. True. I know for a fact that my ex isn't seeing anyone and wasn't seeing anyone when he broke up with his previous gf. Some people just have their own baggage they unconsciously bring into a relationship, may be their narcissistic idea of the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend/relationship/feeling one has in a relationship etc, and when this idea doesn't materialize or fades away they walk, citing all sorts of bull$hit reasons. Yes, and I think that's what is going on here... And as soon as she leaves me it opens her eyes as to how much she cares, really too bad whatevers going on in her heads keeps her from, "loving," inside the relationship. It sucks to hear it on a break.
upsetnhurt Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 JJ, I know it does not mean lots at the moment, yet I believe she cares for you. Problem is as you have said is that she has certain baggage that she can't overcome in order to fully be with you and accept you as her partner. Those are her problems and as much as you want to save her (as we all do in our past relationships), it is best to leave her be and let both of yourselves move on in life. She won't stop contacting you as why would she....she enjoys hearing your voice and when she gets the slightest hint that you are still interested in her feelings it gives her enough strength to allow herself to be confused a bit longer. This is not going to take her a short time to get over her feelings as we don't know just how far back they go. This will take a very long time and you will need to decide if you are up for waiting. I know you mentioned that you are getting out there and its great that you are yet lets be real, she is on your mind plenty and understandably so and if she came running back you would drop everything for her. I too was in the same position as you and I finally had to let go of my ex gf. I tried so hard to be there for her even after our breakup yet it tore me apart emotionally and just created some unnecessary animosity between ourselves. Its been four months of NC and it still hurts when I think of her. It's okay to wish them happiness in whatever they choose yet you need to put yourself first here. I am not back to 100% yet, although I can tell you the emotional rollercoaster I was on is something that I don't miss. The only person I have to blame for not living life to its fullest is me now........Do yourself a favor and her as well, force her to deal with her issues and let her see that you are someone to be cherished and valued. The only way to do that is to allow her to see how life is without you completely (no calls, ims, texts, etc) It will be tough and you might think you are pushing her away yet she is gone already.....if she really loves you she will be back in time, if not you are moving forward with your life which at this point is your number on priority.
Touche Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 Well she may care but she's not in love with you. This is pretty common for girls her age. I myself was this way. I didn't really know what the heck I wanted at that age. I was always looking for something else. But it killed me to hurt anyone. Of course when I wasn't with someone I'd call one of my exes. I'd get sad that I left or that I hurt them. But in the end I just didn't love them in "that way." You made a mistake in responding to her. You really should let her go. She'll bring you nothing but misery. I can almost guarantee it. And just curious but is she by any chance calling/texting when she's been drinking?
Author jjmac Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 JJ, I know it does not mean lots at the moment, yet I believe she cares for you. Problem is as you have said is that she has certain baggage that she can't overcome in order to fully be with you and accept you as her partner. Those are her problems and as much as you want to save her (as we all do in our past relationships), it is best to leave her be and let both of yourselves move on in life. She won't stop contacting you as why would she....she enjoys hearing your voice and when she gets the slightest hint that you are still interested in her feelings it gives her enough strength to allow herself to be confused a bit longer. This is not going to take her a short time to get over her feelings as we don't know just how far back they go. This will take a very long time and you will need to decide if you are up for waiting. I know you mentioned that you are getting out there and its great that you are yet lets be real, she is on your mind plenty and understandably so and if she came running back you would drop everything for her. I too was in the same position as you and I finally had to let go of my ex gf. I tried so hard to be there for her even after our breakup yet it tore me apart emotionally and just created some unnecessary animosity between ourselves. Its been four months of NC and it still hurts when I think of her. It's okay to wish them happiness in whatever they choose yet you need to put yourself first here. I am not back to 100% yet, although I can tell you the emotional rollercoaster I was on is something that I don't miss. The only person I have to blame for not living life to its fullest is me now........Do yourself a favor and her as well, force her to deal with her issues and let her see that you are someone to be cherished and valued. The only way to do that is to allow her to see how life is without you completely (no calls, ims, texts, etc) It will be tough and you might think you are pushing her away yet she is gone already.....if she really loves you she will be back in time, if not you are moving forward with your life which at this point is your number on priority. Great post, thanks for taking the time... I will def continue to go NC, keep busy and as you said, if she does love me and comes back fine, if not at least I'll be in a position to not be too hurt if I don't hear from her. Well she may care but she's not in love with you. This is pretty common for girls her age. I myself was this way. I didn't really know what the heck I wanted at that age. I was always looking for something else. But it killed me to hurt anyone. Of course when I wasn't with someone I'd call one of my exes. I'd get sad that I left or that I hurt them. But in the end I just didn't love them in "that way." You made a mistake in responding to her. You really should let her go. She'll bring you nothing but misery. I can almost guarantee it. And just curious but is she by any chance calling/texting when she's been drinking? I see what you're saying, and I do agree as I've been in this situation in the past, it just feels so different in this case as she really seems to be stressing over her decision... Plus there have been some things going on in her life that might also have her thinking... She has not been drinking, the night she broke up with me for the second time we were at a bar and she had a buzz going... so I don't know... but when she's recently called or texted she was sober...
Author jjmac Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Well we spoke again last night... she wanted to meet up... we're going to give it a final try, so wish me luck on this... NC really puts things into perspective rather quickly.
BrokenSpirit Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Well Ive gotta tell you good luck... Just keep your guard up... Be careful...
Author jjmac Posted November 22, 2006 Author Posted November 22, 2006 Well Ive gotta tell you good luck... Just keep your guard up... Be careful... Yes I'm def going slow with my feelings, but things seem like they might work if we can keep communicating and doing what we're doing.. we'll see though.. I'll def still be posting and reading this forum, alot of great people.
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