jjmac Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 I've been on the verge of txting my ex for 2 days now... I pick up the phone, then shut it off in fear of calling her... Today I entered the text, "Hope you're doing well," then just shut my phone off, uncovered my sports car and went for a long drive just to get my mind off it... Got home feeling a little better, but then saw the phone and started feeling like txting her again, so now I'm posting this. When we broke up she said it was about not being, "sure," what she wants and she'd call me when she was ready, and she thinks she loves me but isn't sure so she just needs time, "again." This is the second time she left me for the same reason in one month. I'm so close to txt and saying, "I miss you," it's not even funny... I feel like by going NC she's just thinking, "out of sight out of mind," but on the other hand NC could also be a good thing... I don't know, I do know I want her back but it's so feaking tough. Do you guys still send text messages like that to your ex? Or do you just stick by NC? This is so tough, I know one of these nights I'm going to break down and text her, although I'm trying real hard not to.
gonetildecember Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 I know for me, it's driving me crazy.. the first two days were okay.. but i'm on my fourth- and I found last night I kept thinking about picking up the phone.. but I went to the gym lol and held out. I understand the importance pf sticking to NC and I'm really trying to get it to work for me, so I'm doing my best not to give in. But you're not alone, I feel the same way jjmac.
Author jjmac Posted November 18, 2006 Author Posted November 18, 2006 I know for me, it's driving me crazy.. the first two days were okay.. but i'm on my fourth- and I found last night I kept thinking about picking up the phone.. but I went to the gym lol and held out. I understand the importance pf sticking to NC and I'm really trying to get it to work for me, so I'm doing my best not to give in. But you're not alone, I feel the same way jjmac. It's nice to know I'm not the only one, although I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone... I'm trying to get into the mind set it's over and not even to worry about it, but if she does call and wants to talk about it that'd be cool, except I'm almost obsessed with the hope of her calling... So bad... I guess we both just need to hang in there, but I have a feeling I'm going to crack pretty soon and really want to avoid it.
miss snoopy Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 Well... think, what will I achieve texting her? What is the worst case scenario? Personally, it's been just over 3 weeks since we split up but I no longer have any urges to contact my ex, I'm not sure what happened but I just feel I've got so much going on in my life, at the moment in my lovely apartment watching a great show on tv and laughing my head off (commercial break now) have just got a new haircut this morning and a girlfriend is coming over later for pizza and more trashy TV. Rather than eating Haagen Daz in silent darkness, miserably staring at the phone waiting for some bloke who doesn't want me to call... come on, surely like me you can see there's so much more to life than our dead relationships...?
Author jjmac Posted November 18, 2006 Author Posted November 18, 2006 Well... think, what will I achieve texting her? What is the worst case scenario? Personally, it's been just over 3 weeks since we split up but I no longer have any urges to contact my ex, I'm not sure what happened but I just feel I've got so much going on in my life, at the moment in my lovely apartment watching a great show on tv and laughing my head off (commercial break now) have just got a new haircut this morning and a girlfriend is coming over later for pizza and more trashy TV. Eating Haagen Daz in silent darkness, miserably staring at the phone waiting for some bloke who doesn't want me to call... come on, surely like me you can see there's so much more to life than our dead relationships...? This is so true, and maybe 5 days out of the week this is how a feel, but for some reason the past two days have just been a horror show in terms of wanting to contact her...
gonetildecember Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 Well... think, what will I achieve texting her? What is the worst case scenario? Personally, it's been just over 3 weeks since we split up but I no longer have any urges to contact my ex, I'm not sure what happened but I just feel I've got so much going on in my life, at the moment in my lovely apartment watching a great show on tv and laughing my head off (commercial break now) have just got a new haircut this morning and a girlfriend is coming over later for pizza and more trashy TV. Rather than eating Haagen Daz in silent darkness, miserably staring at the phone waiting for some bloke who doesn't want me to call... come on, surely like me you can see there's so much more to life than our dead relationships...? I can totally agree with you, it isn't healthy to sit there and wait- it drives you crazy. My urges to call him don't consume me- and I'm not sure if you know my story.. but he does quite a bit of sporadic calling.. I've just chosen to attempt to avoid us talking to give him sometime to think about he wants. For me.. its just those sudden urges when you see a pic, or someone brings him up or a song plays or you see a commercial that reminds you.. and you think.. i wonder what he's doing right now.. thats when the calling/texting urges hit me.
miss snoopy Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 This is so true, and maybe 5 days out of the week this is how a feel, but for some reason the past two days have just been a horror show in terms of wanting to contact her... I do know what you're going through jjmac (and Gonetildecember) and I could well start a similar thread sometime next week, but what I'm doing now is filling up my life with stuff so that if my ex rings/emails me, I'll be in a take him or leave him mode. As time goes by I become closer to fully understanding the statement "it's called a break-up because it's broken" - such wise words!
Author jjmac Posted November 18, 2006 Author Posted November 18, 2006 I do know what you're going through jjmac (and Gonetildecember) and I could well start a similar thread sometime next week, but what I'm doing now is filling up my life with stuff so that if my ex rings/emails me, I'll be in a take him or leave him mode. As time goes by I become closer to fully understanding the statement "it's called a break-up because it's broken" - such wise words! I'm trying to, believe me... Going out with friends and trying to do a little dating since we've been on and off for 2 months, but it's not getting my mind off things too well...
Jane Doe Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 This girl has done this to you now twice. Why do you want her back? So she can do it a 3rd time? Or maybe even a 4th? You're setting yourself up for rejection over and over. What's the payoff? You say you're miserable this way, but what kind of happiness and security are you gonna have if she does come back? Sure, the reunion will be great, filled with lots of promises and such but when reality sets in, you're going to be worrying when she'll need "time" again or she'll be feeling "unsure" again. Don't be a doormat. Go out and live your life and put her behind you.
Author jjmac Posted November 18, 2006 Author Posted November 18, 2006 This girl has done this to you now twice. Why do you want her back? So she can do it a 3rd time? Or maybe even a 4th? You're setting yourself up for rejection over and over. What's the payoff? You say you're miserable this way, but what kind of happiness and security are you gonna have if she does come back? Sure, the reunion will be great, filled with lots of promises and such but when reality sets in, you're going to be worrying when she'll need "time" again or she'll be feeling "unsure" again. Don't be a doormat. Go out and live your life and put her behind you. You're so right... I do love her, and being with her is so great because in a year there was never an issue but getting back with her would yield some serious trust issues, and bottom line she'd prob do it again if she came back... What I wish what would happen is she'd call, and come back, we'd take it slow and make it work, but in reality I'm sure she'll call in a few months and have nothing to say, or I won't hear from her at all... Either way you're 100% right, it's just hard to convince the heart it's better off letting go.
Jane Doe Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 Well, you need to work on listening to your head rather than your heart right now. She's already set a pattern of bailing on you. If you continue letting her, you'll only be in for more of the same pain you're in right now. Just go through the pain and the healing process and be done with her once and for all. She can't possibly be worth all this drama.
Author jjmac Posted November 18, 2006 Author Posted November 18, 2006 Well, you need to work on listening to your head rather than your heart right now. She's already set a pattern of bailing on you. If you continue letting her, you'll only be in for more of the same pain you're in right now. Just go through the pain and the healing process and be done with her once and for all. She can't possibly be worth all this drama. Well I've been in several long term relationships 3 years + on each this one was 1 year and I honestly felt like this was the one.. no fights, always a good time, she was a great support system, I was there for her... it was perfect for a year up until she started doing this make up break up crap... But you're right, I'm going to try... it's just tough to let go of hope right now as I still feel like she's worth it... but I'm trying to get to that state of mind you're talking about for sure
miss snoopy Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 Jane Doe is spot on. I got back with my ex after regular contact during our break-up, and of course he did exactly what he did before i.e. walk, only this time it was quicker and colder. If he comes back maybe we'll last 3 days this time and he may push me down a flight of stairs to emphasize his "get lost and leave me alone" parting phrase. OK, he was never violent and hopefully will never be, but my point is even if s/he comes back, if s/he leaves it may be even more painful as this time s/he'll be 100% sure the relationship isn't meant to be and will want to make that crystal clear. There are many people who meet, fall in love and stay together, working at the rough bits in their relationships. Someone walking away from a relationship (with the possibility that the dumpee may well find someone else) is simply just not into the relationship and has little invested in it. They may have been 110% into it in the past, but not any more. People change, sad but true - even our so-called soulmates/best friends.
Author jjmac Posted November 18, 2006 Author Posted November 18, 2006 Jane Doe is spot on. I got back with my ex after regular contact during our break-up, and of course he did exactly what he did before i.e. walk, only this time it was quicker and colder. If he comes back maybe we'll last 3 days this time and he may push me down a flight of stairs to emphasize his "get lost and leave me alone" parting phrase. OK, he was never violent and hopefully will never be, but my point is even if s/he comes back, if s/he leaves it may be even more painful as this time s/he'll be 100% sure the relationship isn't meant to be and will want to make that crystal clear. There are many people who meet, fall in love and stay together, working at the rough bits in their relationships. Someone walking away from a relationship (with the possibility that the dumpee may well find someone else) is simply just not into the relationship and has little invested in it. They may have been 110% into it in the past, but not any more. People change, sad but true - even our so-called soulmates/best friends. I hear what you're saying. For sake of conversation I've never been, "needy," about this breakup. When she left the first time I simply told her, "I understand bye." and she made the effort to come back, prob my mistake to have taken her back... I should have just said, "I need time to think," and have put her through the ringer for a while. Either way in my heart I'm hoping to hear from her, in my head I'm trying to just move on. I'm just fighting an intense battle to not text or call her.. I know if I text her she'll text me back, we'll talk... go out etc etc.. then maybe a month down the road be talking about going back out together... in which I'm setting myself up for more of this crap... If I go no contact at least I can heal and if I hear from her great if not it's painful everyday
upsetnhurt Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 Don't be so sure that she will text you back. Her silence say alot to me. Her interest level is elsewhere and you are simply a hindrance at this point. Make her realize that you are someone to be cherished and that your heart is a valuable thing.....the only way to accomplish that, if ever, is by leaving her be and letting her come to you when she is ready. Don't force the issue via a text, a call, flowers, etc......move on with your life as she has hers.
Author jjmac Posted November 18, 2006 Author Posted November 18, 2006 Don't be so sure that she will text you back. Her silence say alot to me. Her interest level is elsewhere and you are simply a hindrance at this point. Make her realize that you are someone to be cherished and that your heart is a valuable thing.....the only way to accomplish that, if ever, is by leaving her be and letting her come to you when she is ready. Don't force the issue via a text, a call, flowers, etc......move on with your life as she has hers. I'm not going to, at least I'm trying... I almost did like 5 min ago, and put the phone back down... today is a real tough day since I'm just sitting at home working on work project... I rebooted my computer under a different profile and her IM name popped out, I was about to IM but didn't... You're so right, thanks alot for the support. It's just so hard. You're also right she might not text back, but I'd be in worse shape if she did... so NC continues I suppose...
upsetnhurt Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 You need to think about whether you want to be with someone where it always has to be under her terms......you will only look foolish if you call, text, im, etc. Basically by taking the initiative you are simply letting her know that she can in fact walk all over you in the future if she wants to. Don't be the doormat that she has gotten used to you being. Stand up for yourself and show her that you can be quite happy in life with or without her. You can't rely on someone else to make you happy! Everytime you think of that phone....think of her at the other end with a smirk thinking that she knew you would buckle and beg for her. Life is too short buddy...there are lots of women out there that would cherish the things you do....you picked a lemon and it seems like you want to continue picking lemons..........
Author jjmac Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 You need to think about whether you want to be with someone where it always has to be under her terms......you will only look foolish if you call, text, im, etc. Basically by taking the initiative you are simply letting her know that she can in fact walk all over you in the future if she wants to. Don't be the doormat that she has gotten used to you being. Stand up for yourself and show her that you can be quite happy in life with or without her. You can't rely on someone else to make you happy! Everytime you think of that phone....think of her at the other end with a smirk thinking that she knew you would buckle and beg for her. Life is too short buddy...there are lots of women out there that would cherish the things you do....you picked a lemon and it seems like you want to continue picking lemons.......... well while I'm willing to share the fact I'm hurting with you guys, I'm pretty sure shes under the impression I'm doing fine. When she broke up with me this second time she said in an email, "maybe I love you, I just don't know, and I need time to figure it out, I'm not blowing you off, we could possibly be back together, but I just need time, I'll contact you when I'm ready." Our relationship ended based on her not being, "sure," she loved me and needing time to examine that before taking the next step we were talking about. I sent an email back saying pretty much, "I understand, I wouldn't want to continue things with you not being sure, just make sure if/when you're ready to call, be able to explain what your problem was, otherwise don't call me." And that was the last communication we had, this was last week. I have gone NC and still am... I'm not just sitting around, I'm busy with school/work... I have been dating someone I met during our first break... So I am moving on, but my heart still wants what it wants right now. I like how you call her a lemon though, kind of a different perspective to look at things from.
Touche Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 See my thread I started today called "How Long?" I addressed this very thing about on and off again relationships. They rarely work out. Cut your losses and move on. If she doesn't know whether she loves you after one year then she doesn't love you and never will the way you want her to. She's looking for something else and wants to keep you on the line in case she doesn't find it. Have some dignity and when she contacts you, tell her sorry but you've moved on. It will be very hard but you'll be saving yourself future heartbreak.
Author jjmac Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 See my thread I started today called "How Long?" I addressed this very thing about on and off again relationships. They rarely work out. Cut your losses and move on. If she doesn't know whether she loves you after one year then she doesn't love you and never will the way you want her to. She's looking for something else and wants to keep you on the line in case she doesn't find it. Have some dignity and when she contacts you, tell her sorry but you've moved on. It will be very hard but you'll be saving yourself future heartbreak. I will do that, it's just touch to believe she really doesn't, "love," after the way we were for a year, well 9 months at least. I've been in relationships with girls that I didn't, "love," for several months and it was never like the time this specific ex and I shared, but I understand what you're saying and I'm def trying to move on... If she does in-fact call it'll be hard to tell her, "all set with dating you again," but you're right, it's the smart play. Just real tough
Author jjmac Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 I got a text from her a while ago saying, "I've been missing you alot and thinking about you." I didn't respond... analysis? lol It's taking extreme effort not to call her right now and be like, "OMG OMG I MISS YOU TOO." but that's prob what she's fishing for huh?
upsetnhurt Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 That is a postive sign. Must make you feel somewhat better I guess. No response is the right way to go yet I doubt you will be able to last that long without responding back. Keep in mind that she has not told you anything that will make your life easier. You need to hear those words from her (I want to make this work with you) before you open yourself up to her again.
Touche Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 I will do that, it's just touch to believe she really doesn't, "love," after the way we were for a year, well 9 months at least. I've been in relationships with girls that I didn't, "love," for several months and it was never like the time this specific ex and I shared, but I understand what you're saying and I'm def trying to move on... If she does in-fact call it'll be hard to tell her, "all set with dating you again," but you're right, it's the smart play. Just real tough Well I see what you're saying but I think in this case YOU loved HER but SHE was in a relationship such as the one you described where you were in a relationship for several months and you didn't love the person. I knew she'd be in touch. She wants you hanging on the line and begging for her to be with you but she's keeping her options open. I think you can stay away so I don't agree with upsetnhurt. But WILL you? You didn't text her back did you?
alphamale Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 take your phone and smash it into 100 pieces, after that go you your computer and totally destroy it. anything it takes to keep NC intact.
Author jjmac Posted November 19, 2006 Author Posted November 19, 2006 Well all valid stuff being said in here... Some part of me agrees with every post... I got a text from her which I didn't respond to... then an IM which I didn't respond to... then an hour later another IM which i did respond to, then signed off, then got a call which I did respond to at which point she said the most retarded thing I've ever heard in my life... "I want to be back with you I'm still just not sure." Why call if you're still not sure? Which I asked her, and she said she's going to think about coming back because again she apparently can't deal with this breakup... She said she might fear falling in love and getting real serious. I told her, "you think all you want, if I'm in a position to take you back when that time comes fine, if not I'm sorry. Right now I need some time too so I need to get off the phone," she said she'd call again... and I told her again, "don't call if you're just going to play head games, I don't have time for it." So we'll see.. either I'll smash my computer, phone, pda, cell phone, and mail box... or I'll speak with her again at some point...
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