Kristybelle Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 I feel like my life is such a mess right now. I've posted a few times on different boards about this guy that I was seeing for a couple of months. He lives directly below me in my apartment complex. To make a long story short, it was very casual to begin with and then got very serious emotionally. He opened up to me a lot and we spent a lot of time together. One night he had an "epiphany" as he calls it and discovered he was falling in love with me. He freaked out and wanted to break things off because he was previously in a relationship with a girl who really tore him down a couple of years ago. He's afraid of falling in love again and he put up all these walls to protect himself. We talked about it and both agreed that he was just afraid, and that he really wanted to be with me, but he just couldn't do it. I accepted this and tried to move on, but he wouldn't let me. The night after we broke up he called me and asked me to see him. I refused, and then the next night, he saw me with one of my guy friends and he freaked out, asking me all these questions about him. He was just in general acting crazy, which is out of character for him. The next night, he followed me up to my apartment and we had a long talk. He told me that he had been feeling down because he felt that I was ignoring him. I told him I was just trying to do what he wanted and he sort of chuckled and said it wasn't what he wanted at all. He admitted that he wanted to be with me very much but that he was really messed up and couldn't be in a relationship. We basically just went around in the same circles of conversation that we always do. I told him that I cared about him very much and understood. Then he said that he wanted us to be friends, but he wanted me to make the decision to see him or not see him. He said that things could progress if we kept seeing each other, but he couldn't make me any guarantees and that it was up to me. He said he would respect any decision I made. I chose not to see him. Although I do love him, I was trying to do what's best for both of us. I did fine with NC for a couple of weeks, but since he lives in my apt complex I saw him downstairs. I was nonchalant and acted as if I wasn't missing him. The first time I talked to him (other than just saying hi) after I made the decision, I could see in his face how much he missed me. A few days later, I broke and text messaged him. He didn't respond, nor has he responded. He called last week, and I didn't answer. It's basically this back and forth trying to keep the upper-hand thing. This is so hard for me because I know he feels the same way as I do. I see him all of the time and I'm so worried because he's drinking a LOT, more than usual. I'm pretty sure he's an alcoholic and he was drinking while we were together, but since we've broken up it's been about 10 times worse. I want to help him but I don't know how or even if I should. I know he's hurt because I made the decision not to see him, but I've changed my mind. I'm willing to do whatever it takes, but I just don't know where to start. I know it isn't my fault that he is drinking too much but I am worried about him. I don't know what to do. I'd appreciate any opinions.
D-Lish Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 don't get involved with a drinker.... seriously, it's bad news. I know you want to help, but you most likely won't be able to do much good. It sounds like he has a lot of issues to work though. I think that if you continue on with this relationship you'll only end up getting hurt.
alphamale Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 I think that if you continue on with this relationship you'll only end up getting hurt. I know some women that enjoyed playing nursemaid to the bad boy-abuser-alcoholic for a few years. Then when he sobered up they got bored and split....their work was done.
Kristybelle Posted November 19, 2006 Posted November 19, 2006 don't get involved with a drinker.... seriously, it's bad news. I didn't know he was an excessive drinker until I had already fallen in love with him. It'd be great if I could just let it go now, but I can't.
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