Is this the end?

[insomnie]

Ugh.

 

I kind of went psycho on my bf tonight and I don't know what to do.

 

We've been fighting a lot recently and I thought we'd made up last weekend. We had plans fopr this Friday that I have been looking forward to all week.

 

Well, this evening he called asking if Saturday would be "better" for me because he wanted to go play video games with his friends instead.

 

That pissed me off because 1. he hung out with his friedns ALL day yesterday 2. these plans were made a week ago and 3. I have a BAD urinary tract infection that he game me (been pissing blood and pieces of flesh all day) and basically I feel like he's never there for me.

 

So, I got mad, but he told me he couldn't talk because he didn't want to waste his minutes. So, I got madder.

 

He called me back in a couple of hours but at that point I was seething with rage. Just about how I have to make all the effort in this relationship, how after 2.5 years he doenst even view it as serious or anythign worth saving. How basically I am the one with all the love that sustains us.

 

He said sorry, but in a rage I responded with "You know, it doesn;t even matter because I gave it some thought and realized you are a selfish ******* and I don't want to be with you."

 

His response: "ok, bye."

 

So then I started feeling really bad, jumped into my car and drove to his apt. He wasn't there. I called his phone a bunch of times and he ignored me, then turend it off. .

 

Now I feel sad. We've been togehter 2.5 years and I don't want it to end like this.

 

Do you think he will ever talk to me again? What should I do? I was thinking about driving over there again later but that might be too creepy....stalking him and all. But he isn't returning my calls.

 

Is it over?

[insomnie]

Please guys...I'm going crazy here. Should I or should I not drive over to his house and wait for him to come home?

[the_alchemyst]

But from what I've read, things between you and him haven't been so great for a while now. And also, from what I've read, you do seem to be the one who puts the highest amount of effort in your relationship. So, while I can understand that after two years and a half you do not want it to end like this, I can't help but wonder if it's even worth saving.

 

Also, by solely reading this post, I think that he was immature and selfish, cancelling on you like that. Sure, he wanted to hang out with his buddies, but since you and he had already made plans for tonight--a whole week ago--couldn't he just have spent tonight with you, and have hung out with them, uh, tomorrow?

 

Yea, sure the PS3 came out yesterday or something, I think, but other than that and the Wii that is coming out on Sunday, there is no major gaming revolution that I am aware of.

 

I just don't see why he felt he needed to cancel on you. You are his SO and if you two had already made plans since several days ago, then I believe he should honor them, of course minus the event that something really important happened or something.

 

But to hang around with his buddies, especially after being with them all day the day prior? I think that you had every right to be upset.

 

In your anger, you said something--something that you may mean no longer, but certainly meant at that moment. Yes, maybe you were a little harsh, even though I personally don't think so--I think that after all of this time and that after all of this crappy treatment from him to you, you finally snapped, which is what people who try to soothe things over time and time again but to no avail do.

 

I think that you should also consider his responce and behavior afterwards. He acted like he completely could not care less about what you said. If you are prone to saying things like this to him and then taking him back, then perhaps that may be the reason he did not take you seriously this time, but other than that, I would have thought that he would have reacted with something more like: "WHAT?! What are you talking about?!"--angry, confused, and a bit hurt by your declaration, and not simply shrug it off and act like he doesn't give a rat's ass.

 

I know 2.5 years is a lot of time to invest in a relationship, especially for people who are so young, and are barely dabbling in this elusive idea of commitment. Because of this, I can relate to the idea that, while he acted like an *******, as you said, and while this may not have been the first time he acts in a less-than-appropriate way, you still would not want to see things end on such a sour note.

 

But I think that situations, reactions, and attitudes like these make for a great time to sit down with yourself and evaluate your relationship, without the rose-colored glasses.

 

If he reacted this way, it seems to be a clear indicator that he really doesn't care.

 

Either that or he is completely immature little boy who thinks he can do as he pleases because he is so selfish he really does think himself to be the center of the universe.

 

Or both.

 

As to you hearing from him, I'm sure you will. Just call him and leave him a message or something, if you haven't done so already. If you are really sorry for what you said and are wanting to try to make amends, let him know. But also please, please let him know that just because you are apologizing for your actions, does not mean that you have already forgiven his, because he owes you and apology too.

 

After than, then just let him be for a few days. If he wants to work things out, he will come around. If he doesn't, then he won't, unfortunately so.

[the_alchemyst]

Please guys...I'm going crazy here. Should I or should I not drive over to his house and wait for him to come home?

 

 

Back when I was young *cough* . . .

 

Seriously, a year and a half or so ago, if I were you, I would already be sitting outside his house, despite the cold, waiting for him to come home, in order to try to talk to him to see if things can be fixed, because like you, I would go crazy and feel anxious and all sorts of messed up.

 

Having done the above once or twice, only to be met with nothing but insults and anger and disappointment, I learned, the hard way mind you, that it's best not to. Why?

 

You don't know how he will react. If he ignored your calls, chances are that he is pretty pissed at you, even if he really has no right to be. But you see, he does not see that, and even if he does, he is ignoring that and is thinking that you are the bad guy and that you are the one who has to make amends.

 

You can go and he might be touched by your effort and everything might turn out for the best, but he can go and decide to want to make you feel bad as a sort of demented "pay back" and only make you feel worse.

 

For your best interest, I suggest that you don't go because there is nothing you can say to him in person that you can't say to him in a phone message, really. Just do that and let him respond when he has calmed down.

 

Things might get ugly if you surprise visit him when he is in a nasty mood with you.

 

I suggest you don't go.

[insomnie]

Thanks alchemist, those were great posts and some great advice. I never cease to be surprised at the level of insight and intelligence people here on LS bring to their posts. =)

 

As you might have guessed, I've already called him. About 10 times. And left three messages. The first was a basic sorry, the second was to tell him I was coming over (I talked to his roommate when I was there and apparently he had left about 3 minutes before I showed up...meaning he got my message about coming over and decided to run =( ). The third was another sorry and will you please talk to me.

 

He's a good guy and I would like to think that he cares about me...but seriously, a lot of the time (actually all of the time when I have any complaints like this one about him ditching me) he just disregards everything I say as either womantlak or crazytalk. His behaivior towards me is completely nonnegotiable which is frustrating and of course indicative of just how unhealthy this is for me.

 

He did this exact thing last weekend too. We hung out Friday late at night but it was obvious he didn't wnat to be there, I probed and he admitted that I "stress him out" and that he DIDN'T want to be there but didn't know how to tell me that. He woke me Saturday to say his friends were coming over and I needed to leave but that he'd give me a call later on so we could talk. Well, call never came...I called him several times the next day, he didn't pick up. Finally I smarted up and used my friend's phone, he picked up on first ring.

 

I went over there, we talked, seemed to resolve things...and during the week he was busy so I made trips over there to hang around while he did his work. We had plans for this evening...and now this. =(

[Pyro]

Ugh.

 

I kind of went psycho on my bf tonight and I don't know what to do.

 

We've been fighting a lot recently and I thought we'd made up last weekend. We had plans fopr this Friday that I have been looking forward to all week.

 

Well, this evening he called asking if Saturday would be "better" for me because he wanted to go play video games with his friends instead.

 

That pissed me off because 1. he hung out with his friedns ALL day yesterday 2. these plans were made a week ago and 3. I have a BAD urinary tract infection that he game me (been pissing blood and pieces of flesh all day) and basically I feel like he's never there for me.

 

So, I got mad, but he told me he couldn't talk because he didn't want to waste his minutes. So, I got madder.

 

He called me back in a couple of hours but at that point I was seething with rage. Just about how I have to make all the effort in this relationship, how after 2.5 years he doenst even view it as serious or anythign worth saving. How basically I am the one with all the love that sustains us.

 

He said sorry, but in a rage I responded with "You know, it doesn;t even matter because I gave it some thought and realized you are a selfish ******* and I don't want to be with you."

 

His response: "ok, bye."

 

So then I started feeling really bad, jumped into my car and drove to his apt. He wasn't there. I called his phone a bunch of times and he ignored me, then turend it off. .

 

Now I feel sad. We've been togehter 2.5 years and I don't want it to end like this.

 

Do you think he will ever talk to me again? What should I do? I was thinking about driving over there again later but that might be too creepy....stalking him and all. But he isn't returning my calls.

 

Is it over?

 

Lets summarize here. He canceled plans that he had with you to hang out with his friends instead and instead of him trying to communicate with you, his only response was "ok bye" and you drove out of your way to go to his apt., when you could have used that time to see your friends, and then he ignored your calls and turned his phone off.

 

If you heard that a friend of yours was going through all that, how would you feel? You would probably tell your friend to ditch the immature as$hole. I see that you two have been together for over 2 years, but you would think that as time went on, the relationship would get better, but that is not the case here, instead its the complete opposite.

 

Unless you two want to consider some sort of relationship counseling, this relationship is only going to get worse.

[insomnie]

 

Unless you two want to consider some sort of relationship counseling, this relationship is only going to get worse.

 

Thing is, when I am very very honest with myself I know that he doesn't WANT a relationship with me. Not a real one. He'll only take one if it's 100 % good for him with 0 effort. And he's starting to realize that he can't have that because then I am upset and I subject him to "talks", which he hates and will do anything to avoid.

 

And I know that that's not fair to me but I have this crazy thought that if I don't complain that he puts in 0 and try my best to make it 100% good then he WOULD want to be with me. And basically I want another chance to show him I could do that.

 

I know, I know, I'm insane. I relaize that. If my friend was in ths position I would take away her phone and her car keys and tell her to stop being such a moron. Then I would take her car and use it to run over the ******* boyfriend.

[the_alchemyst]

Dear Insomnie,

 

Well, it's good that you're still here and not out there in the cold waiting for him. Things like those are not good for your heart, my dear.

 

Riddler is right: If you saw a friend going through this situation, and if she asked you for your advice, what would you say? If you saw all of her effort resulting many times in dire distress, like right now where I bet your nerves are getting the best of you, what would you advice her? Would you tell her to try to work things out? Probably not.

 

But as always, things sometimes really are easier said that done. For example, I gave you my opinion and advice, telling you, pretty much, that you should leave this guy, because I think you shoud, yet I know how hard it was for me to "leave" the relationship I was in with a guy for almost three years. We are both your age and had many, many maturity issues--well, mainly him because he is excruciatiangly imature.

 

He would do things like your bf does: Blow me off because he wanted to hang out with his friends, even though he had seen them the day before, and the day before that. At first it was alright, but little by little I realized how a small priority I was for him. He would also get stupidly angry at me for the most idiotic reasons and misunderstandings, and even when it was his fault, somehow I would end up apologizing.

 

And people outside of the relationship saw this and saw how much effort I put into it because we had been together for so long, and we were (are) both so young that we were each other's "first," that I wanted to move heaven and earth to try to save it. But of course I couldn't. What I could do, though, was gradually pick away at myself to the point where I was becoming bare and where my only skin was him--and that is so bad for you. You completely lose sight of how you are and that is something no one should ever do.

 

I understand, believe me, how hard it is to recognize the relationship is bad. And you know, I don't think it's even that we find this realization a hard one to come to, but that when we do, we try to lie and deceive ourselves, thinking that it was our fault, that we are psycho, and we need to do anything and everything in order to get him back because, my god, how can we let THAT get away?!

 

I think that in situations such as these, comfort plays a big role. 2.5 years is a long time to invest in someone, especially at our age, as I said, because we are barely starting out. And to invest so much of our love, time, and energy into something that is seemingly going to leave us bankrupt is something we do not want to face, so we ask for loans from our very selfs, over and over, each time draining ourselfs that much more, until we have nothing more to loan, and end up being bankrupt after all, only add heavy losses to our self-esteem, from all of that "loaning."

 

And to think that this is the end and that you won't be with him anymore, hanging around him, sharing inside jokes, going to to the movies, playings games, fooling around, cuddling on the couch while watching TV, and that you will no longer be able to create memories with him like the ones you have already made really is a horrifying thing to many of us.

 

But just remember that you cannot grow if you never are willing to experience change.

 

Yes, it is hard and heart-wrenching and devastating, and all of that, but it's not insurmountable.

 

If you ever think it is, just remember that there was a time when you were happy, and that he was not in the picture.

 

Now, this is not to say that you guys are breaking up because maybe you are not. Maybe he will calm down and call you back or look for you or something, and the two of you will make up and everything will go back to normal for the two of you.

 

There is always this possibility, yes, but I think now's a good time to ask whether this possibility is worth the sadness and anxiety he's currently putting you through.

 

You said it yourself, he did hear the message, and instead of waiting for you to at least tell you that you two will talk later or something, he left, showing once again that he does not care.

 

And I don't mean that he doesn't care about you, because I'm sure he does in some way, but he obviously cares way too much about himself to remotely consider your feelings, and that is just not right.

[the_alchemyst]

And I know that that's not fair to me but I have this crazy thought that if I don't complain that he puts in 0 and try my best to make it 100% good then he WOULD want to be with me. And basically I want another chance to show him I could do that.

 

Don't think this way.

 

The only relationship you should invest 100% to make as best as possible is the relationship with yourself.

 

A relationship implies a connect, binding, kinship, whatever between two or more people, meaning that each should put in an equal amount of love, time, and energy into making it work.

 

And a ratio of 100 to 0 is about as unequal as you can get.

[Foreva86]

I really don't think you should be doing the calling. Let him come back to you. He's the one in the wrong. If he doesn't come back to you I suppose the relationship isn't important to him but if he really cares he will call you.

[Mary3]

This relationship is OVER . All of your * talks * drove him away. All of your stalkerish behaviors afterward ( calling...calling...going over to his house...begging...calling again , ect. ) Only * shows * him that you are NOT in control of your own emotions and behavior and it killed his feelings for you.

 

Period.

[Pyro]

Thing is, when I am very very honest with myself I know that he doesn't WANT a relationship with me. Not a real one. He'll only take one if it's 100 % good for him with 0 effort. And he's starting to realize that he can't have that because then I am upset and I subject him to "talks", which he hates and will do anything to avoid.

 

And I know that that's not fair to me but I have this crazy thought that if I don't complain that he puts in 0 and try my best to make it 100% good then he WOULD want to be with me. And basically I want another chance to show him I could do that.

 

I know, I know, I'm insane. I relaize that. If my friend was in ths position I would take away her phone and her car keys and tell her to stop being such a moron. Then I would take her car and use it to run over the ******* boyfriend.

 

Look at what you are saying. You are degrading yourself and what you believe in by staying with this guy. He is not going to want to be with you by you putting in 100%. He is only taking advantage of you and is taking you for granted. You say that he hates talking? Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. Without that, its basically a FWB. How long has this been going on? If this behavior has been going on for a majority of the relationship, then change is pretty much impossible, unless the two of you really want it, but if I were you, I would count my losses and end it. You honestly don't need this in your life. No one does.

[insomnie]

 

I think that in situations such as these, comfort plays a big role. 2.5 years is a long time to invest in someone, especially at our age, as I said, because we are barely starting out. And to invest so much of our love, time, and energy into something that is seemingly going to leave us bankrupt is something we do not want to face, so we ask for loans from our very selfs, over and over, each time draining ourselfs that much more, until we have nothing more to loan, and end up being bankrupt after all, only add heavy losses to our self-esteem, from all of that "loaning."

 

 

I love this analogy alchemist.

 

I've decided I won't drive over there tonight, and I won't be the one to call first, either. By the looks of his status on AIM he isn't home yet anyway (wonder what he's up to?) and I think best case he'd just be pissed, worst case he'd tell me to leave, close the door in my face, and then I'd be alone in his neighborhood at 2 in the morning in the cold, devasted.

 

I tried my best. It wasn't good enough. Not nearly.

 

And Mary - you are probably right, I probably did scare him away with my need for communication and my "stalker" tendencies. But you know, if he can shut me out like that, refuse to communicate, and then get completely turned off by my need for explanation for his continuous inconsiderate behaivior...I don't think he's worth my stressing over.

[the_alchemyst]

 

I've decided I won't drive over there tonight, and I won't be the one to call first, either. By the looks of his status on AIM he isn't home yet anyway (wonder what he's up to?) and I think best case he'd just be pissed, worst case he'd tell me to leave, close the door in my face, and then I'd be alone in his neighborhood at 2 in the morning in the cold, devasted.

 

I tried my best. It wasn't good enough. Not nearly.

 

That scenario you describe is similar to ones I have experienced, and let me tell you that they really are just as sad as they sound.

 

He's probably out having fun and being obnoxious with his friends, but don't think he won't think of you when he gets home, because he surely will.

 

The thing here is that his thoughts may be positive (he'll call you, apologize, and try to work it out) or they might be negative (he won't call you or call you simply to make you feel worse, in which case it's best that he not call at all).

 

Either way, I really think you are doing the right thing. You have already called and have left him messages, both apologizing and asking him to call you. He knows you want to hear from him, so the decision to call or not is now up to him.

 

This does not mean, however, that your happiness is up to him. Read this as: Do not append your happiness to his phone call. If you really feel like you have given it all that you have to give but to no avail, then make the decision for yourself: Do you want to be with him or not? If yes, then wait until he contacts you, talk to him, and try to set a middleground for the two of you. He needs to know he has to meet you halfway, and not sit on his side on his make believe throne. If not--if you think and realize that this relationship will not change unless he too is willing to make some adjustments, and if you think he simply won't comply, then just forget it. If an when he calls, tell him that you are sorry, but that you have realized that there is only so much you can take, and that you have taken all that you could already.

 

I really think you should leave this guy behind, insomie. You seem like such a bright girl, and he seems like such a bloke for not realizing the obvious.

 

This relationship is OVER . All of your * talks * drove him away. All of your stalkerish behaviors afterward ( calling...calling...going over to his house...begging...calling again , ect. ) Only * shows * him that you are NOT in control of your own emotions and behavior and it killed his feelings for you.

 

I disagree in your blaming insomnie for the downfall of this relationship. While she may have contributed to it in some way, reading her pasts posts makes me sternly believe that the majority of the blame falls on him.

 

Did you not read the OP? How can behavior like that be justified under any circumstance?

 

I also don't think the word "stalking" applies here. To me, stalking implies a type of malicious intent towards the person being stalked. To me it means that the person doing the stalking is doing so because s/he is trying to do something bad to the person, is doing it because of some type of mental disturbance, or because they are doing it for their own pleasure and amusement, which is smoothered in pervertedness.

 

She was trying to go to see if she could work things out with her bf. There is certainly nothing malicious in that. A bit extreme and rash, yes, but it's something that many of us have done at some point in our loves. Not all, but many.

 

Also, to imply that "talks" are a "bad" thing is absurd, imo. Talks are about communication, namely the type that addesses certain behaviors and attitudes that are detrimental to the relationship and bothersome to the other person. If your partner is doing something you do not like and is causing you to have countless quarrels, you "talk" to them about it; how else are they supposed to know? The only negative implication people want to try to derrive from this is that that "talks" are a pain in the ass, really. But why do we think that? Because they are usually attempts to try to tell us things that we are doing wrong that we do not want to hear, which is immature, imo.

 

And I would take someone who is somewhat rash with their emotions over someone who cannot express them any day. But that's just me.

[Mary3]

That scenario you describe is similar to ones I have experienced, and let me tell you that they really are just as sad as they sound.

 

He's probably out having fun and being obnoxious with his friends, but don't think he won't think of you when he gets home, because he surely will.

 

The thing here is that his thoughts may be positive (he'll call you, apologize, and try to work it out) or they might be negative (he won't call you or call you simply to make you feel worse, in which case it's best that he not call at all).

 

Either way, I really think you are doing the right thing. You have already called and have left him messages, both apologizing and asking him to call you. He knows you want to hear from him, so the decision to call or not is now up to him.

 

This does not mean, however, that your happiness is up to him. Read this as: Do not append your happiness to his phone call. If you really feel like you have given it all that you have to give but to no avail, then make the decision for yourself: Do you want to be with him or not? If yes, then wait until he contacts you, talk to him, and try to set a middleground for the two of you. He needs to know he has to meet you halfway, and not sit on his side on his make believe throne. If not--if you think and realize that this relationship will not change unless he too is willing to make some adjustments, and if you think he simply won't comply, then just forget it. If an when he calls, tell him that you are sorry, but that you have realized that there is only so much you can take, and that you have taken all that you could already.

 

I really think you should leave this guy behind, insomie. You seem like such a bright girl, and he seems like such a bloke for not realizing the obvious.

 

 

 

I disagree in your blaming insomnie for the downfall of this relationship. While she may have contributed to it in some way, reading her pasts posts makes me sternly believe that the majority of the blame falls on him.

 

Did you not read the OP? How can behavior like that be justified under any circumstance?

 

I also don't think the word "stalking" applies here. To me, stalking implies a type of malicious intent towards the person being stalked. To me it means that the person doing the stalking is doing so because s/he is trying to do something bad to the person, is doing it because of some type of mental disturbance, or because they are doing it for their own pleasure and amusement, which is smoothered in pervertedness.

 

She was trying to go to see if she could work things out with her bf. There is certainly nothing malicious in that. A bit extreme and rash, yes, but it's something that many of us have done at some point in our loves. Not all, but many.

 

Also, to imply that "talks" are a "bad" thing is absurd, imo. Talks are about communication, namely the type that addesses certain behaviors and attitudes that are detrimental to the relationship and bothersome to the other person. If your partner is doing something you do not like and is causing you to have countless quarrels, you "talk" to them about it; how else are they supposed to know? The only negative implication people want to try to derrive from this is that that "talks" are a pain in the ass, really. But why do we think that? Because they are usually attempts to try to tell us things that we are doing wrong that we do not want to hear, which is immature, imo.

 

And I would take someone who is somewhat rash with their emotions over someone who cannot express them any day. But that's just me.

 

We are referring here to a man who is now emotionally unavailable to her. This man has shut down because he has received unwelcome input * because * he no longer is interested in the relationship. I do NOT blame her. I blame the circumstance by which she is in : A boyfriend who cannot deal with whats going on anymore. He is not there for her anymore.

 

It happens everyday . We all have done it. Something is ending and we struggle to get it back. Thankfully those of us who found LS during a breakup read many posts and decided we would benefit from advice on how not to act needy or desperate when the one we love is pulling away.

 

* Talks * are bad for those who are no longer interested. It drives them further away. The opposite happens to what we are tying to acheive. ie; Getting them to listen and to care again. If they are no longer interested no amount of * work * is going to bring them back.

[cutegirl]

Wow, I can totally relate to the driving over and waiting at 3 am in the morning and feeling super duper super duper anxious to the point where I'm screaming in my car. I thought I was the only one who did this. I would wait for hours too, and keep myself busy listening to the radio and playing with my blackberry.

 

I don't recommend this even though I personally can't control myself. It's kinda "mental" and "stalkerish".

 

One time when I did this when he was staying at his moms house he literally dragged me by my hair and literally threw me outside and I hit the pavement. I know that was ****ed up, and your bf is probably not like that, but in either case try to control doing this if you can. He might be mad and then the fight might even escalate.

 

I have major anxiety and sometimes I can't wait to talk on the phone during a fight when he's staying at his moms house. I feel like I have to have the answers or have the talk NOW or else I'll be super anxious beyond anxious and won't be able to sleep, eat or do anything...

[Marielle]

We are all like that, us girls...after a fight they shut down and leave, and we stay anxious, depressed and we become crazy!!!!!!

It's normal!

[insomnie]

So, apparently, the end it was. =(

 

Later that same night (5 AM), he gave me a call. He said he was avoiding me and didn't like spending time with me, because he had stopped being mentally attracted to me, so he didn't want to have sex. Then he said he'd call me tomorrow to talk.

 

He called to say he's been unhappy and we needed to "take a break". I told him it was silly to call it that if we had no plans to get back togehter. His response: Ok, then we're not togehter.

 

Of course I broke down and attempted to persuade him that we COULD work through everything, that the reason he hasn't liked me was becuase *I* was being difficult because all we ever did was smoke pot, and I was having some issues with that, and that I could change blah blah blah. He didn't think so.

 

The whole time we were having this convo though, I was thinking what a load of BS I was spewing. Truth is, I didn't really want to get back togehter to how thigns were...I think I've been a better gf than he a bf and that I deserve better. But I watned to get everything out so that the breakup was not of my doing I guess. I always feel MUCH worse being the dumper/ feeling like there was something I could have said than being dumped. At least the ball's now all in his court.

 

He said he wants to be friends, and he called me late the next night. I didn't have my phone on me and he left me a goodnight message. I called him back half an hour later and he has yet to return my call, two days later. What a flaky friend. =(

 

So, I guess now it's on to NC. Maybe I'll see you guys in the "coping" or "second chances" sections. Thanks for all the support and all the good advice.

 

And a quick question: how likely do you all think it is that he will attempt to persue me at least on friendly terms?

[Pyro]

So, apparently, the end it was. =(

 

Later that same night (5 AM), he gave me a call. He said he was avoiding me and didn't like spending time with me, because he had stopped being mentally attracted to me, so he didn't want to have sex. Then he said he'd call me tomorrow to talk.

 

He called to say he's been unhappy and we needed to "take a break". I told him it was silly to call it that if we had no plans to get back togehter. His response: Ok, then we're not togehter.

 

Of course I broke down and attempted to persuade him that we COULD work through everything, that the reason he hasn't liked me was becuase *I* was being difficult because all we ever did was smoke pot, and I was having some issues with that, and that I could change blah blah blah. He didn't think so.

 

The whole time we were having this convo though, I was thinking what a load of BS I was spewing. Truth is, I didn't really want to get back togehter to how thigns were...I think I've been a better gf than he a bf and that I deserve better. But I watned to get everything out so that the breakup was not of my doing I guess. I always feel MUCH worse being the dumper/ feeling like there was something I could have said than being dumped. At least the ball's now all in his court.

 

He said he wants to be friends, and he called me late the next night. I didn't have my phone on me and he left me a goodnight message. I called him back half an hour later and he has yet to return my call, two days later. What a flaky friend. =(

 

So, I guess now it's on to NC. Maybe I'll see you guys in the "coping" or "second chances" sections. Thanks for all the support and all the good advice.

 

And a quick question: how likely do you all think it is that he will attempt to persue me at least on friendly terms?

 

Sorry to hear that it had to end, but it was for the better. Honestly, from what I have read, I know that you deserve better and you can do better then him. You may be hurt now, but this hurt is no where near as bad as the hurt you would have if you had decided to stay with him. This pain that you have is only temporary.

 

As far as your last question goes, he may only want you around for a booty call. Very rarely does a friendship work between two people that had broken up.

[the_alchemyst]

I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out for you, insomnie.

 

I was actually wondering how things had gone between the two of you.

 

But as Riddler said, as bad as this may seem right now, it is probably for the best.

 

Just remember yourself of what you just posted: You think you were a much better gf to him than he a bf to you, and I'm sure you were, too. If he didn't appreciate you for what you were, then what's the point?

 

I just hope you're not feeling too bad about this.

 

 

And a quick question: how likely do you all think it is that he will attempt to persue me at least on friendly terms?

 

Again, I agree with Riddler: He'll probably want to keep you on the backburner, but I suggest that you not let him. Remaining "friends" with someone you have dated, especially for so long, is a dificult thing and usually tends to further prevent your healing and recovery. It's best that you just leave him alone, and that if he tries to contact you, that you not reply. It's in your best interest, really, but if you feel like you two can be genuine friends, then try it.

 

But I must say it doesn't look like that'll work too well for you.