jjmac Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 I’ve posted most of this before in another thread but here is the background as well as some updates.. I’m open to comments about any part of this as I’m still hurting pretty bad and it‘s almost healing writing it out and having you guys comment. Over a month ago my ex said, “I’m not sure I love you and the spark doesn’t seem to be there.” We had dated for almost a year and had never exchanged, “ILUs.” She broke up with me saying, “I need time to think if this is right.” Up until that point the relationship was perfect, best I‘ve ever been in, zero fights, did all kinds of great things, spent a lot of time together. During that month we broke up I met some new people one being a girl whom in no way could fill the shoes of my ex ever, but was around as a friend nonetheless. This girl ran in my group of friends, drop dead knockout, all the guys are always after her. So we were hanging out within the circle of friends. The EX and myself went no contact per my request, I told her, “only call me if you can either explain your feelings or want to talk about, “us.“ She calls me up 3 weeks into the breakup saying she misses me, we continued to talk back and forth a few times, on the 4th week she called saying, “I need to see you, we need to talk,” I retort, “what is there to talk about?” She simply said, “Please can we meet up? I go over and she pretty much said, “I want you back, I really have strong feelings for you and want you in my life, I think I do love you.” I asked her, “I’ll only entertain this if you’re 100% sure, so know this is what you want before you say you want to come back.” She said it was, I told her I need some time to think about it, a day or two later we’re back… So we started seeing one another again, then 2 or 3 weeks into it she leaves again with the same issues. So we go no contact for a day before I break down and mail her saying how upset I was she came back only to leave me again in less than a month for the same exact reason. I also told her how much I wanted it to work out and for the first time ever telling her I love her. She retorts with an email saying something like, “I think I might love you, but right now I don’t know, this is why I need time. I miss you very much and wish I could say we could be together right now, but I think some time apart is best. I’m not saying we’re finish, but for now I just need time. I‘ll contact you when I‘m ready.” I retort with an email essentially saying, “I’m happy you know this is what you want, ILU etc, if you contact me again I require you’re sincere and have something real to say, and not just, calling for the sake of calling, because if you need time to think about me, its best I’m not there to cloud your judgment and speaking every day, it only makes it harder for both of us.” It’s been about a week and I haven’t heard anything from her, not that I expected to… I honestly don’t expect to hear from her again… At least that’s how I go into these situations, zero expectations. One question I have is know the relationship was like two best friends being together for a year, then this happens, any ideas as to whether it’s possible she comes back? Anyone experience something like this, go no contact for a while and she comes back willing to make the commitment? Anyone have something like this end well? Also another curve ball which is another thorn in my side… The girl I was talking to during the first breakup literally called the night my ex exchanged those last emails and I started going no contact. She’s a very attractive girl, very attractive! She called wanting to hang out, in the state I’m in I just wanted a friend to hang with, so we went out for dinner… She invited me back to her place to watch TV, I knew if I went into her house it’d possibly lead to bad things if she made the first move, I knew I wouldn‘t… So we’re on the sofa and she kisses me, as ****ed up as I am right now, I couldn’t help myself… So we did the making out deal, then I said I’m tired and needed to leave. Next night she calls again, I said I was busy but maybe I could hang in a day or two. I was feeling really down a night ago, called some friends trying to get out of the house to no avail, so I’m sitting around, the phone rings, it’s this girl, she wants to know if I’d like to possibly have some food and watch a movie, I was so bummed out I decided to just go… Again the night ends in making out, this time more… After I simply said, “I’m tired and need to head home,” she offered my staying at her house, but I declined. So today she calls up asking if we can go on a proper date, her exact words were, "I think I like you a little and really want to spend some time wit you." i respond, “lets just take it slow and see what’s what.” So right now I’m on the verge of calling my ex, I miss her so much, times were so great, I don’t understand why she feels the need to leave right now, but I have to respect it whether she's just really confused or thinks she can do better. Clearly I’m not just sitting on my butt waiting around for her, but the pain is still killing me… Also on the flip side, I feel like I'm setting myself up for some drama with this other girl as I know even if we did started dating I'd leave her the second I started talking to my ex again, or if something, "better," came along. I've been 100% honest about my feelings saying, "I just got out of a relationship," but she doesn't seem to care all that much. Anyone ever been in a situation like this? I figure in a month or so I'll crack and send a text to my ex if I don't hear from her first.. but this is real tough.. Any women here break up with a man because she felt the, “spark was gone,” only to return and have things work? Any guys here been in a similar situation?
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