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A MM warning

herenow

By herenow
in The Other Man / Woman

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pricillia Established Member

pricillia

Posted
Posted
Great thread herenow.

 

I'm new to LS and I have been blown away by some of the things that I've read here. Herenow, you've put into words anything I could ever say about the subject.

 

Pricilla, that part you wrote here tickled me a little. My exhusband told his OW that I was abusing him! The bastard told her I was not giving him sex regularly and a heap of other lies. When I found out about them I packed up his things and drove them by her house. We had a tug of war with him pushing his things back into my home and me pushing them out along with him. I made him confront her with the truth before I sent him away for good and she was surprised to see what a lying ass he really was. Did that stop her? No! But she was warned. He wound up leaving her for another floozy up her street. I don't know why but she was surprised about that as well. :o Imagine the trouble she would have saved herself had she read the labels on his dirty behind! The signs were there all along.

 

I am glad that you were tickeled and am sorry that he hurt you and lied

BenThereDunThat Established Member

BenThereDunThat

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We had a tug of war with him pushing his things back into my home and me pushing them out along with him.

 

Reading this made me laugh out loud! :p

YesandNo Established Member

YesandNo

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I am glad that you were tickeled and am sorry that he hurt you and lied

 

Oh no there's no reason to be sorry. That's old news now. :)

YesandNo Established Member

YesandNo

Posted
Posted

 

Reading this made me laugh out loud! :p

 

Ya the memory still tickles me. :p

pricillia Established Member

pricillia

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Oh no there's no reason to be sorry. That's old news now. :)

 

oh stop:) really

YesandNo Established Member

YesandNo

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oh stop:) really

 

Ya really. We've been divorced for a long while now. :) He's many other women's problem now and I am happy. :)

BenThereDunThat Established Member

BenThereDunThat

Posted
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That's a very good question. Haven't really thought to actually put it into words.

 

I'll try...

 

I've learned:

 

  • That I tend to be an 'accomodator' or a 'pleaser' -- in lots of facets of my life.
  • That it's okay to think of myself first.
  • That it's okay to get out of a bad situation, even if you feel like you're practically destroying the other person (exH).
  • That even if my reasons weren't totally valid for ending my M, so what? I'm living my life for me, no one else.
  • That everything you've ever heard about being in an affair with a MM is all true. The similarities to them all are mind-boggling.
  • Though I'm absolutely loathe to give the MM credit for anything, I learned that I can still feel that butterfly-in-the-stomach kind of love at my ripe old age of 37, and now that I have a fresh memory of that feeling, I will not settle for anything less.
  • That I still have so much more to learn, but for the first time in my life, I'm finally doing things the "right" way and for the right reasons.

I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can come up with right now.

 

OK, remind me, why I am so strong?.....

 

Cuz, right now, not feeling it.

 

Don't worry. I won't do anything dumb.

 

But, I really feel like it right now.....

BUTAFLY Established Member

BUTAFLY

Posted
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I will be as honest as possible.

first i want to address this:

What is it that you don't understand about a MM that has an affair? You know what he is doing to his wife, yet you think for some reason he will be different with you.

Speaking for myself and my self only.

You are assuming that an OW is thinking this way. I knew getting involved with an unavaliable man is detrimental to my health and thats why I didn't do it, but that didn't stop my longing for him and I can easliy understand how others find themselves in that situation.

lovernotafighter Established Member

lovernotafighter

Posted
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I have read many stories here over the past couple of weeks. Time after time OW say how wonderful the MM is and how well he treats them. The MM would be with the OW if he could, but he stays with his wife for whatever reason.

 

Then, they get caught or the MM decides to end the affair and he is instantly the worst man alive. I'm surprised everytime I read about an OW that gets hurt and she wonders how it could happen. What is it that you don't understand about a MM that has an affair? You know what he is doing to his wife, yet you think for some reason he will be different with you. You have the benefit of knowing that he is a proven liar yet you are shocked when you find he has lied to you. You question how could he be so cruel when you see that he is cruel to his own family.

 

Then there are the posts that ask "should I have an affair with a MM?" What kind of question is that? It's like asking "should I let the sex offender down the street babysit my kids?" Affairs destroy families. There is a reason that affairs are kept secret. The reason is they are wrong. MM who have affairs are not looking out for your best interest, they are looking out for themselves.

 

I'm not writing this to bash OW, I'm writing in response to the many posts I have read asking why this happens. The answer is, because you let it happen.

 

I applaud the OW that have moved on and learned from their mistake. To the ones who believe that a MM will leave their W and be different with them, beware. And to the OW whose MM has already left his W for them, take a good hard look at how they treated their wife. I do wish happy endings for everyone including the W, MM and OW, but if it doesn't end well you can't say you haven't been warned.

 

I my self had only normal relationship breakup feeling toward my MM and actually felt relived that we decided to end it.

 

it wasn't till I seen how truly despicable he is to his wife that I felt he was as you said the worst man alive.

 

before then I thought what happened to us was a accident ,I was in the MM fog and believed that he was emotionally abused by his wife and thats lead him in his part to the affair, I of coarse felt I had my own reasons.

 

but I didn't have any terrible feelings for him when it was over just for what we have done and the guilt I felt..when I seen my hand in this I am heartbroken for her more than myself.

BenThereDunThat Established Member

BenThereDunThat

Posted
Posted
I my self had only normal relationship breakup feeling toward my MM and actually felt relived that we decided to end it.

 

it wasn't till I seen how truly despicable he is to his wife that I felt he was as you said the worst man alive.

 

before then I thought what happened to us was a accident ,I was in the MM fog and believed that he was emotionally abused by his wife and thats lead him in his part to the affair, I of coarse felt I had my own reasons.

 

but I didn't have any terrible feelings for him when it was over just for what we have done and the guilt I felt..when I seen my hand in this I am heartbroken for her more than myself.

 

Hey LNF - glad to hear you're still hanging tough.

 

I feel like we went through this together. ;)

 

BTDT

YesandNo Established Member

YesandNo

Posted
Posted
I my self had only normal relationship breakup feeling toward my MM and actually felt relived that we decided to end it.

 

it wasn't till I seen how truly despicable he is to his wife that I felt he was as you said the worst man alive.

 

before then I thought what happened to us was a accident ,I was in the MM fog and believed that he was emotionally abused by his wife and thats lead him in his part to the affair, I of coarse felt I had my own reasons.

 

but I didn't have any terrible feelings for him when it was over just for what we have done and the guilt I felt..when I seen my hand in this I am heartbroken for her more than myself.

 

Hi LNF,

I have to tell you that this will get you pretty far to know this. It seems so clear to me but I see that for some, everyone thinks thier situation is different. I want to tell you that usually the MM is lying about his reasons for being with the OW. He will tell her many lies about his W looking for comfort and really he is using the OW just as he's using his W. This was not only my story but many others.

 

No matter what, it is no one elses' business on the reason of his "failing marriage". The only thing you can do is tell him you will be there for him if he needs support through his divorce. You will be respected, most importantly by yourself. You will keep your self respect intact and this man will know that he can not play games of confusion with you.

 

I do not wish anyone ill intent here. :)

lovernotafighter Established Member

lovernotafighter

Posted
Posted
Hey LNF - glad to hear you're still hanging tough.

 

I feel like we went through this together. ;)

 

BTDT

 

So do I ! I'm glad to see your staying strong to..it really is a up hill battle for sure working with MM but we have some strong resolve!

 

Hi LNF,

I have to tell you that this will get you pretty far to know this. It seems so clear to me but I see that for some, everyone thinks thier situation is different. I want to tell you that usually the MM is lying about his reasons for being with the OW. He will tell her many lies about his W looking for comfort and really he is using the OW just as he's using his W. This was not only my story but many others.

 

No matter what, it is no one elses' business on the reason of his "failing marriage". The only thing you can do is tell him you will be there for him if he needs support through his divorce. You will be respected, most importantly by yourself. You will keep your self respect intact and this man will know that he can not play games of confusion with you.

 

I do not wish anyone ill intent here. :)

I don't find you post ill at all YaN..I thank you for what you have said..actually me finding Loveshack was the beginning of the end for exMM and I because like you said I thought we were different..and I seen we weren't at all.

 

but I will tell you I'm not offering him jack squat when and if he gets his divorce..what he has done to me and more importantly his wife I can't even look him in the face nor do I want to.

 

it will take a miracle at this point for me to take him back because I was in love with a lie..I remember that guy..but I want nothing to do with this one that has emerged...he was there all along I was just to blind to see it...good bye rose colored glasses PFFT! and good riddance!

BenThereDunThat Established Member

BenThereDunThat

Posted
Posted

it will take a miracle at this point for me to take him back because I was in love with a lie..I remember that guy..but I want nothing to do with this one that has emerged...he was there all along I was just to blind to see it...good bye rose colored glasses PFFT! and good riddance!

 

You said it, sister! :bunny:

YesandNo Established Member

YesandNo

Posted
Posted

Yes, honey! You deserve so much more. Good luck to you sweetheart! :love: :love:

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