maryb Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Hi, Im new here and would like some advice on what to do. I posted regarding a prob with my husband ex girlfriend .Ive been with my husband years now and we have kids.He has a child to his ex that he has seen rarely !He was never married and with his ex girlfriend less than one year she ended the relationship and went of with a married man. His ex uses his child as a weapon .my hubby pays money every month and always has though has no contact with his child - she wont let him .She phones up being abusive asking for more money all the time! He has seen his child 3 times in the whole 10 years ive been with him. Anyway i have got sick and tired of her abuse so the last time it happened i phoned her to tell her to basically "Get a life". She has remarried yet tells her husband it's my hubby that phones her ! We have been out for meals and she has phoned etc never about his child usually to have a go at my hubby.We did go to court once to try for access but the cost was high and to be quite honest she made it so hard and it got to the point where we could not afford the court costs. Anyway she was phoning my hubby up recently wanting £1000 of him bearing in mind he gives her £300 per month!I phoned her up and told her to stop harrasing us all the time using the child as an excuse and to get off her lasy Arse and get a job!Her husband works . Me and my hubby have argued time and time again as i feel there is 3 people in our marriage !My husband was hiding from me the fact she was phoning him all the time - which is wrong !I told him not to do this.I have said either go for access of his child or to get his ex told to stop with the blackmail and i think im being fair??? For a couple of months its been quiet ............., she's started again!Anyway ive had enough .I have now since found phonecalls on my hubbys phone from his ex girlfriends phone and he is phoning back! Yes this could be all innocent but the FACT is she will NEVER let him see his child and he's only a father when it comes to wanting money. Ive basically had a huge row a few month back about it all and said to my hubby either go for access or stop the calls ! Now im finding Secret calls.The phone is his ex girlfriends as i phoned it. No matter which way i look at it his ex will not grant access and to me is trying to cause problems - i cant take anymore and im annoyed at my husband for not telling her straight ! I feel i cant carry on with him hiding calls all the time we have been through this time & time again. I feel sorry for his child in all this but what is annoying me now is my husband he should wake up and smell the coffee - so to speak ! Advice please.......
luvtoto Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 I am just giving my opinion here, that's all. I do think your H is calling her as much as she is calling him...maybe more than her. I think those two are addicted to each other and the drama between them (good or bad). Some people just love drama...I'm tellin' ya. But, it takes two to tango. Not saying that they love each other, are having an affiar, or he's gonna leave you ...but they are simply addicted to each other and the drama. Blaming her for everything .. is a fast recipe for heartbreak. Just be very careful, and listen to that inner voice of yours. If you ignore it, and later find out the truth about those two...you will never be the same again.
NoIDidn't Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 I agree with luvtoto, but think he may have valid, albeit misguided reasons, for what he is doing. You have stated that he never sees the child. She is balckmailing him plain and simple, with the fact that his child may in fact hate him. But he needn't worry. As this child becomes a teen and can see Mum for who and what she is, he won't have to worry about being hated as much, if at all. Stepkids have undone many a second M, and you haven't even had time with this one. How unfortunate. Go thee to a counsellor with your hubby soon to discuss this issue and come up with something acceptable to the both of you. The child could benefit from having all of its parents as a part of its life.
Author maryb Posted November 17, 2006 Author Posted November 17, 2006 Hi, Let me explain a little more. He has seen his child 3 times in 10 years !He is not allowed access through spite. His ex has continually phoned him , his parents and family and been vindictive. Yes, i knew he had a child when i met him ( i have a child to someone else ) but since i had a child to him his ex has continually pested and left vindictive phonecalls, asked for more money - but he cant see his child!I have nothing against him paying towards his child but i do object to her asking for more all the time when £300 a month is a lot. His ex has remarried, personally i dont think she is happy , she phones when her husband is at work !I have heard her and her husband are in debt. Why she phones all the time to be abusive is beyond me she will not let my hubby see his child nor any of his family.She will frogmarch the child past my hubbys relatives in the street. I have sat by for years now but when some ex girlfriend is constanly texting , phoning - yet there is no access to the child i personnally question WHY ?. I warned my husband a few months ago it had to stop as what is the point of it all when he cannot see the child???? I know i should not have checked his phone but i did as he has been nasty towards me for no apparent reason and there are phonecalls again and texts! To be honest im disgusted at my husband for not having the backbone and telling his ex to stop.
NoIDidn't Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 It sounds like your mothering instinct is perking up. I don't blame you. You have a child with him now and NOW she wants to up the ante. But don't play the game with her or with him. What he needs are some good old fashioned consequences. He is used to being bent and pulled with no other than her being satiated for the moment. Having never been in the sitch, I honestly can't add more than this. It must hurt and be beyond annoying though,so I can certainly empathize. Maybe you should see a counsellor alone to get your thoughts together (pastor, good friend, professional counsellor) before you talk to him in depth.
luvtoto Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 To be honest im disgusted at my husband for not having the backbone and telling his ex to stop. BINGO!! If he/they wanted it to stop, it would have stopped a long time ago. They are feeding off each other in a sick way that is hurting their child. I don't believe he is quite the victim he thinks he is. There are things he could do to put his foot down. If he giving her the extra money when she asks??
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