Guest Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 First D-Day was early August. Co-worke of my husband's, swore there was no physical contact, just friends, said he never slept with her. I called her and warned her to stay away and that she was _______. Husband assured me for the next 2 months, everything was done with her. He broke down with me, sobbed for hours, telling me he was sorry, he would never hurt me again, and that he loves me so much. We re-committed to each other and things were going great for 2 months, until he had to work with her out of town. I should have known, it would happen. When he was out of town working with her he was calling and e-mailing me all the time these loving and caring e-mails. He came home and everything was great until Friday, November 9th, I caught him lying and he confessed he was seeing her and they did have sex after my first discovery. He said he wanted out. I fine. 4 hours tick away and complete change in my husband. He starts sobbing and apologizing, saying he is so sorry (just like August). He says he loves me and if he really wanted to leave me, he would have left me. He says that he has a mental dysfunction and needs professional help. He woke up the next morning and tells me he loves me, that he is sorry, and please don't let me go. I need advice!!
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 First of all, GO get checked for STD's. I am sorry that he's done this to you, twice. His words mean NOTHING! His actions have shown you what he is capable of ... I do believe he does love you, yet his ego is SO BLOODY HUGE that it takes over and his selfishness overrides his brain. Until he actually feels the consquences of his actions, takes responsibility for what he has done to you - Get him out of the house. I usually don't tell people this, but in your situation he chose to cheat on you again after D-Day. He allowed this to happen, he should NOT have gone away with the OW, he should have been in NO CONTACT mode with her. Anyway, I'm not sure if you two have kids, if so, this is going to be hard on them as well. Is the OW married? If so, you could expose the affair to her husband/boyfriend. That will for sure end things between them... I suggest too, individual counselling and marriage counselling. It will help both of you and maybe in time, with alot of work, honesty and desire to work together, your marriage can be fixed.
Kinger25 Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 I agree with WWIU You should definitely ask him to leave, at least for the time being. His actions have certainly spoken louder than any of his feeble words. He is a coward and has the cheek to break down and sob to you like a child when he has one of his guilty moments. If he REALLY meant what he said then he wouldn't have cheated on you AGAIN !! This guy is a real loser and I think you need to muster up all of your strength and give him the order of the elbow so he can sort himself out without hurting you in the process. He does NOT need professional help, he needs a kick up the ass and a BIG wake up call. I suggest you have a month long period of non contact, work out what you want and let him survive without you for a while. See how he likes feeling alone. Good Luck
Chapter2 Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 For your sake I'm glad you found out that he was continuing to have contact with the OW and I'm glad you know the extent of his lies. I do not mean that in a cruel way at all. So many WS's get back together with the OW/OM after the initial d-day without the BS ever finding out again. All the while the WS is sobbing and begging forgiveness at home and obediently attending marriage counseling. The only difference after d-day for some is that they perfect their secrecy and lying skills. No matter how much crying and begging occured after d-day, his actions have shown that it meant little if he was willing to be involved with her again. First D-Day was early August. Co-worke of my husband's, swore there was no physical contact, just friends, said he never slept with her. I called her and warned her to stay away and that she was _______. Husband assured me for the next 2 months, everything was done with her. He broke down with me, sobbed for hours, telling me he was sorry, he would never hurt me again, and that he loves me so much. We re-committed to each other and things were going great for 2 months, until he had to work with her out of town. I should have known, it would happen. When he was out of town working with her he was calling and e-mailing me all the time these loving and caring e-mails. He came home and everything was great until Friday, November 9th, I caught him lying and he confessed he was seeing her and they did have sex after my first discovery. He said he wanted out. I fine. 4 hours tick away and complete change in my husband. He starts sobbing and apologizing, saying he is so sorry (just like August). He says he loves me and if he really wanted to leave me, he would have left me. He says that he has a mental dysfunction and needs professional help. He woke up the next morning and tells me he loves me, that he is sorry, and please don't let me go. I need advice!!
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