outofdarkness Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Hi everyone! I am back after a long break..Our son was in the hospital for 10 days, but he is now back and feeling much better. I am starting this thread because I would like some feedback from you all regarding how you handle the upcoming holidays. Do you all make plans ahead of time to split the time between the W and yourselves? Does your MM or MW give you gifts for the holidays? Do you feel more depressed or left out, and is there more or less communication between you during this time? Does anyone send the children of the OW or OM gifts? Does anyone spend actual physical time with the children of the OW or OM? Since we are all coming up on this time of year, I would love some feedback concerning these things..It is a difficult time of year anyway for alot of families, and I wonder if it is even more difficult when there is an A involved. Again, happy to be back...Hope all of you have been well..I've missed everyone.
puddleofmud Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Sweetie, in the words of Dr. Phil "What are you thinking?". Please don't allow yourself to be thinking this way! Your question already contains your answer-- One should not have to wonder about such as one would already know as to whom one would be going to sleep with the night before any said holiday and more importantly whom will have by their side when awakening on these auspicious mornings. There is no devision of loyality and no devision of love, persons, homes, families, etc as these are precious on such occasions. Gifts would be terribly inappropriate and for your sake, most likely under-appreciated. Please gather your own for the holiday season as well as your sense of self respect and more importantly, be respectful! Respect your own life and those in your life, firstly. By them loving gifts from your heart and allow your heart to love only them. Best wishes and kindest regards!
NoIDidn't Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 PoM, outofdarkness is a BW just wondering how the OW handles the holidays. That's it.
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Our son was in the hospital for 10 days I'm glad to hear your son is home and feeling better. That must have been a rough one to go through.
herenow Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 outofdarkness, Glad to hear you and your son are well. I wonder the same thing. Holidays must be very lonely for the OW. Just another reason that I don't understand how they can put up with being second to the W and family especially at holiday time. Don't they want more for themselves?
puddleofmud Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 PoM' date=' outofdarkness is a BW just wondering how the OW handles the holidays. That's it.[/quote'] Thanks for letting me know! Still I would hope the OW(s) wouldn't be thinking like this so my answer stands in that direction, only. Hope your son is healed and sorry he had to go through that! Hugs to you.
Author outofdarkness Posted November 17, 2006 Author Posted November 17, 2006 It's ok..I sort of knew that you had it confused...
NearlyThere Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 Hi You asked about holidays on another thread, I replied on that one, then noticed you had your own as well so thought I would reply on this one as well. Quote: Originally Posted by outofdarkness I have a couple of questions/points...First...do you all call a vacation a "holiday" in England??? Second, why do you all hate it so much if it is a vacation, that he goes on one w/ his wife and family? Is that what you all mean? Just wondering, so that I am clear on the lingo..Is it because you wish he was w/ you and not his family? Is it because you wish that YOU could be in the W's place and have a family with him? I ask because the main OW of my H's said in the D day letter that she felt that she had felt everything regarding our children except for the labor pains...Just wondering if you all want a different life or ever want to jump into the W's place and live HER life..Not bashing or being judgemental, really just don't know... Yeah over here in the UK we do call a vacation a holiday, sorry if it confuses people. On another note when I have been out on holiday to the US and chatting to people from there as well I have noticed that your vacation days from work tend to be alot shorter than ours. We get at least 26 days holiday a year plus the 8 bank holidays, well I think its 8, cant think what you call them, like New Years Day. In reply to your actual question, and I can only answer for me obviously, no its not the going on holiday, nor the fact it is with his W, I dont begrudge any time he spends with her or their children. I wont lie though and say I wish he had met me before he had met his W, but thats a useless wish. Would I like to have a family with him, again I wont lie, if it was possible yes, but knowing the ramifications of that happening, the answer will have to be no. Its purely the fact that by mutual decision he wont contact me, it would be too difficult, so I miss him, when you normally talk to someone 2 + hours a day nearly every day and then go to nothing its quite a wrench. Have to say the OW your H was involved with saying that was quite an odd statement to make. Would I want a different life, mmmm, interesting question, dont know, alot of good/bad etc things have happened so have to take the rough with the smooth, so although I might change a bad bit might also lead to a good bit not happening, do you know what i mean? Hope this answers your question
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