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There is only one button to press for a happy marriage!

RecordProducer

By RecordProducer
in General Relationship Discussion

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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

Posted
Posted

Be a wonderful partner!

 

What's "wonderful"? Oh, you know too well what it means! If we start defining this term, it will lose sense, because every relationship is different.

 

Be the dream spouse! No, that doesn't mean that you sacrifice everything for him or her - it's not what they have in mind when they think of their ideal spouse! Be what they want you to be. (Everyone wants a partner who cherishes his or her self-respect and dignity, so please don't identify this premise with the doormat-ass-kisser spineless type of demeanor!)

 

We all know what our spouses would call "ideal." And it's so much easier and more rewarding to be ideal than non-ideal. I am not talking about faking. I am talking about being humane, warm, loving, understanding... whatever their concept of "ideal" is.

 

Girls, don't think long hours of cooking, spotless house, saving money, talking less, letting him watch TV every evening or feeling lonely while he is with his buddies drinking... If you're ideal, he will love everything about you and do whatever it takes to make you happy! He will love the ground you walk on. ;)

Same for women: a woman who is happy with her husband is cheerful, non-jealous, loving, giving, caring, creative, understanding...

 

Women nag because men suck... men suck because women nag... then women nag... men suck... women suck... who started to suck first? :confused:

 

If:

 

1. They don't respond positively;

2. You feel extremely uncomfortable being who he/she wants you to be;

3. Your spouse is trying to take advantage of your sweetness,

 

then you're wasting your time with the wrong person.

 

All good things will be developed from this point. Security, romance, closeness, support, sacrifice, mutual interests, fidelity, joy, fun...

 

This is especially valid for men as they are the more stable gender (their feelings don't vary depending on the weather ;)). Men are very grateful and will always reward good with good in a relationship, unless they are total jerks.

 

Good luck!

 

(If you don't believe me... well, too bad for you :p)

Tony T Established Member

Tony T

Posted
Posted

Sounds good to me. The problem arises when human beings who are married are tired, in a bad mood, have a bad time at work, (women) are on their period, (women) are going through menopause, are having problems with relatives, having money problems, nutrition deficiencies, illness, etc., etc.

 

I think most sane people want to work to have a happy marriage. But there are so many things that interfere with humans' desire to function at full capacity.

 

People, very good people...very good partners, just get tired and drained. Then they go off in a direction they otherwise wouldn't if all things were OK. Take the human factor out of marriage and you could have a really nice union.

 

I think robots in a controlled environment would be great together.

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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Sounds good to me. The problem arises when human beings who are married are tired, in a bad mood, have a bad time at work, (women) are on their period, (women) are going through menopause, are having problems with relatives, having money problems, nutrition deficiencies, illness, etc., etc.
All this can be tolerated and accepted with a lot more optimism and joy if things are good and we are surrounded with affection and love. Just like one bad thing triggers another, good things also trigger other good things with geometric progression.

 

If you feel your home as a happy place, you're less likely to be in a bad mood and feel the damage of negative external factors. And if you still feel them, they are just that - external factors and don't influence your inner joy. With love you can conquer any problem: find faith to resolve it, find strength to fight, find the patience to endure it, and find the stamina to accept it as a part of your life. Illness should not damage a marriage. It might damage your mood and physical ability, but I am talking about happy marriage, not about perfect life without problems.

 

If you're good to your partner, they will be good to you... it will become spirally good. You are less likely to argue, more likely to forgive. More likely to have fun together, less likely to build anger about stupid things. More likely to enjoy sex, to be faithful, to accept your partner's faults, to not be selfish and demanding... more likely to get what you didn't even ask for! ;)

 

The fact is: I've never heard this approach. I wonder if anyone has ever tried it or advised to a couple. I'll let you know if it works for me. :bunny:

 

And it's the easiest thing in the world.

 

I think most sane people want to work to have a happy marriage. But there are so many things that interfere with humans' desire to function at full capacity
. Why "work" when you can enjoy it? :)

 

We need a lot of energy to fight for our rights.. very little energy to be angelic.. and get our rights without even thinking about them. Because if you're sweet, your partner - who we assume is a good person and loves you - will never violate any of your rights!

 

People, very good people...very good partners, just get tired and drained. Then they go off in a direction they otherwise wouldn't if all things were OK. Take the human factor out of marriage and you could have a really nice union.

I am an idealist. I want things to be great. Great equals perfect. Music is great, food is great, sex, kids, laughter, good books.. there IS perfection on earth. We just often don't want to see it. ;)

 

So if you want to preserve your right to be imperfect and live in a crippled world - don't follow my ideology! :p

I think robots in a controlled environment would be great together
You think showing another fragile human being how much they mean to you is a robotic feature? I think it's the finest art.
Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted
The fact is: I've never heard this approach. I wonder if anyone has ever tried it or advised to a couple.

 

Pretty much everybody who ever wrote a relationship book suggests this. What else makes sense? 'Treat your partner like garbage'? Yeah, there's the 'seduction' websites but they're full of horse feathers.

 

Even the much-maligned John Gray suggests that treating one's spouse is a good idea. And that's what marriage builders is all about. It's hardly revolutionary.

Touche Established Member

Touche

Posted
Posted

Interesting that you mention a few human traits and then switch to female traits as being a major factor in the demise of a relationship. Yes, I said a major factor. Look at the problems you ascribe to women...the majority anyway. Couldn't some of those apply to MEN? Men don't have "money problems, nutrition deficiencies, illness, etc?" Interesting.

 

And I don't agree that robots would be great together. Do robots feel love? Can a robot feel that "zing" in their heart (do they even HAVE a heart?) when their spouse says "I love you honey. The happiest day of my life was when I met you." How does a robot respond to that? They don't. How does it serve them?

 

But maybe in theory they can get along better. They can be programmed to not leave the toilet seat up and to put the cap back on the toothpaste and to not nag. So what? So what if he can pick up his socks and she can make him a great dinner?

 

You can't take the human factor out of marriage and have a really nice union. It's the HUMAN factor that makes it all so wondrous when it works out. It's the fact that sometimes...yes, sometimes we can get beyond the "human" factor and rise above and beyond that to feel love. REAL love for another human being.

 

So what if we're sometimes tired and bitchy and having financial problems, etc?. And I include men AND women in that statement. So what? Does that necessarily mean that they DO go off in a direction they otherwise wouldn't, if as you say, if all was ok?

 

No it doesn't. Some of us are aware that things won't always be perfect. We're humans. We get moody. We get bogged down by the routine. So many things can get in the way. But only if we LET them. Some of us won't let that happen. Some of us stick together no matter what.

 

Some of us really love each other through thick and thin...Some of us stick to our vows...

 

and some of us...

 

think robots have a better chance at love.

 

How very sad...:(

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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Beautiful post, Touche! :)

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted
Interesting that you mention a few human traits and then switch to female traits as being a major factor in the demise of a relationship. Yes, I said a major factor. Look at the problems you ascribe to women...the majority anyway. Couldn't some of those apply to MEN? Men don't have "money problems, nutrition deficiencies, illness, etc?" Interesting.

 

There's a couple very clear sets of parentheses around the female-only problems that I see. Maybe they didn't show up on your screen?

 

The problem arises when human beings who are married are tired, in a bad mood, have a bad time at work, (women) are on their period, (women) are going through menopause, are having problems with relatives, having money problems, nutrition deficiencies, illness, etc., etc.
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

It also helps to allow yourself and your spouse to have bad days and not react to it, keep things in perspective.

 

At the end of the day if you can still laugh and feel loved by your spouse, then life is OK.

Touche Established Member

Touche

Posted
Posted
Beautiful post, Touche! :)

 

Thank you so much RP.:love:

 

And thanks for starting this thread. It makes me appreciate my love even more than I do already.

Touche Established Member

Touche

Posted
Posted
There's a couple very clear sets of parentheses around the female-only problems that I see. Maybe they didn't show up on your screen?

 

BULL! Go back and look at your own post!

 

"The problem arises when human beings who are married are tired, in a bad mood, have a bad time at work, (women) are on their period, (women) are going through menopause, are having problems with relatives, having money problems, nutrition deficiencies, illness, etc., etc."

 

It's kind of funny that that is your original post but when you quote it the second time you bold it like this:

 

The problem arises when human beings who are married are tired, in a bad mood, have a bad time at work, (women) are on their period, (women) are going through menopause,[/B] are having problems with relatives, having money problems, nutrition deficiencies, illness, etc., etc.

 

Where are these mysterious parentheses around the "female only problems?" Sorry, Guest but I don't see them around your original post. Does anyone?

 

Is it really just my screen?:confused:

norajane Established Member

norajane

Posted
Posted

He's referring to the parens around (women) in front of the two issues: (women) are on their periods and (women) are going through menopause. The other issues are universal to humans. That's how I read that sentence, too.

Touche Established Member

Touche

Posted
Posted

Ok, maybe so. Maybe I misinterpreted that but why ignore the REST of my post? Why only focus on that one little aspect of it? Did you not get the WHOLE picture? Did the main point go sailing past your head?

 

Can you not see the forest for the trees?

westernxer Established Member

westernxer

Posted
Posted

Last I heard, the happiest marriages were in Stepford, two miles west of the yellow brick road.

Touche Established Member

Touche

Posted
Posted

I think it's funny that everyone who thinks as you do are ALL single. Why is that? Think there just MIGHT be a connection there.

climbergirl Established Member

climbergirl

Posted
Posted
Interesting that you mention a few human traits and then switch to female traits as being a major factor in the demise of a relationship. Yes, I said a major factor. Look at the problems you ascribe to women...the majority anyway. Couldn't some of those apply to MEN? Men don't have "money problems, nutrition deficiencies, illness, etc?" Interesting.

 

And I don't agree that robots would be great together. Do robots feel love? Can a robot feel that "zing" in their heart (do they even HAVE a heart?) when their spouse says "I love you honey. The happiest day of my life was when I met you." How does a robot respond to that? They don't. How does it serve them?

 

But maybe in theory they can get along better. They can be programmed to not leave the toilet seat up and to put the cap back on the toothpaste and to not nag. So what? So what if he can pick up his socks and she can make him a great dinner?

 

You can't take the human factor out of marriage and have a really nice union. It's the HUMAN factor that makes it all so wondrous when it works out. It's the fact that sometimes...yes, sometimes we can get beyond the "human" factor and rise above and beyond that to feel love. REAL love for another human being.

 

So what if we're sometimes tired and bitchy and having financial problems, etc?. And I include men AND women in that statement. So what? Does that necessarily mean that they DO go off in a direction they otherwise wouldn't, if as you say, if all was ok?

 

No it doesn't. Some of us are aware that things won't always be perfect. We're humans. We get moody. We get bogged down by the routine. So many things can get in the way. But only if we LET them. Some of us won't let that happen. Some of us stick together no matter what.

 

Some of us really love each other through thick and thin...Some of us stick to our vows...

 

and some of us...

 

think robots have a better chance at love.

 

How very sad...:(

 

Awesome post. (and RP, too)

 

Nothing more I can add.:)

westernxer Established Member

westernxer

Posted
Posted
I think it's funny that everyone who thinks as you do are ALL single. Why is that? Think there just MIGHT be a connection there.

 

No need to get defensive and bite your thumb at me. I was reiterating what Tony said in condensed form.

Touche Established Member

Touche

Posted
Posted
No need to get defensive and bite your thumb at me. I was reiterating what Tony said in condensed form.

 

No problem Xer. But why reiterate a fallacious premise? Don't you have a mind of your own?

westernxer Established Member

westernxer

Posted
Posted
No problem Xer. But why reiterate a fallacious premise? Don't you have a mind of your own?

 

What fallacious premise are you referring to?

 

Have you seen Stepford Wives?

 

And do you think marriage is easy?

Touche Established Member

Touche

Posted
Posted
What fallacious premise are you referring to?

 

Have you seen Stepford Wives?

 

Yes, I have. And your point is......?

 

Last I checked that was FICTION.

westernxer Established Member

westernxer

Posted
Posted
Yes, I have. And your point is......?

 

Last I checked that was FICTION.

 

Art imitates life.

 

That's all I'm gonna say.

 

No need for condescencion if you disagree.

Touche Established Member

Touche

Posted
Posted
Art imitates life.

 

That's all I'm gonna say.

 

No need for condescencion if you disagree.

 

:laugh: Yeah...good one. Is that the best you can do? No condescencion..just my opinion.

 

Carry on.

a4a Established Member

a4a

Posted
Posted

Hey RP is smashing laptops considered angelic behavior? :p :p :p:lmao:

(I am messin' with ya)

 

Great in theory but when real life problems strike people do tend to show their self preservation instincts.

 

 

This is especially valid for men as they are the more stable gender

 

Outwardly perhaps it appears that way. But perhaps they do appear that way or some do because instead of dealing with issues they bottle them and just let the cards fall where they may. Right now I am surrounded by those type of men. (maybe they are all just gay) :lmao: But really there are a number of highly emotional (unstable) male posters here, there are also some that come off as highly rigid that are such quivering noodles on the inside that it shows exactly how fragile and emotional men are....... anger, resentment, and fear are emotions or based on emotions in the majority of cases. Check out any "He Man" post and behind it there is an emotional male. In most cases afraid and hurt.

 

I would say men must be the more fragile gender emotionally. But perhaps that is my take on it because I see things without the tears and romantic BS.

They have very fragile egos, and the ego of some men need a daily massage.

 

In my view:

M is like a business and of course if you treat your business partner like crap they will not work with you to build a better company. When problems arise you have to find a way to team up to battle them in a manner which both partners agree to. Negotiation is very important IMHO. If negotiations fail one must do what one must to be sure the business survives the storm. You have to do what is in the best interest in the big picture even though it may not be so angelic and sweet.

lisapizza Member

lisapizza

Posted
Posted

OH!! ............I thought the button you push was on the remote control somewhere, oops,...sorry my bad!! (LOL) :D

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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It also helps to allow yourself and your spouse to have bad days and not react to it, keep things in perspective.

 

At the end of the day if you can still laugh and feel loved by your spouse, then life is OK.

Very well and simply put! I am glad that two women with long and successful marriages confirmed my theory.

 

Thank you so much RP.:love:

 

And thanks for starting this thread. It makes me appreciate my love even more than I do already.

Aw, I am so glad. :)

 

Awesome post. (and RP, too)

 

Nothing more I can add.:)

Thanks. :)

 

Hey RP is smashing laptops considered angelic behavior? :p :p :p:lmao:

(I am messin' with ya)

I am glad you mentioned that! I realized it was MY fault to react like that - my fault because I was drunk. So I quit drinking. No more hysterical fights for us. :) I corrected the devilish behavior and I intend to throw out all the devils out of my way to a successful marriage. Instead of finding excuses for my awful behavior, I was honest to myself and corrected my mistake. Give me a credit for that! :p Just kidding.. YOU don't have to, but my husband does and that's what matters. :)

 

Great in theory but when real life problems strike people do tend to show their self preservation instincts.

No, things will not be perfect, but they can be good. And good is good enough. Even slightly better is better than zero.

 

I would say men must be the more fragile gender emotionally. But perhaps that is my take on it because I see things without the tears and romantic BS.

They have very fragile egos, and the ego of some men need a daily massage.

And use this fact in your favor! Do massage their ego! What I meant was: men are not prone to nagging because you didn't meet their emotional needs. They will withdraw when you criticize them. And then WE suffer, because we think our needs are not met and they don't care about our feelings.

 

When things are good, we will still argue, but the argument will be soon replaced with reconciliation because both partners want to go back to the sweet phase. And the argument is more likely to be resolved in both partners' favor.

Negotiation is very important IMHO. If negotiations fail one must do what one must to be sure the business survives the storm. You have to do what is in the best interest in the big picture even though it may not be so angelic and sweet.
Negotiations are difficult! You can't make people see things YOUR way and you are not likely to be content with compromising just to please the other party.

 

You can have things YOUR way... ALWAYS!.. just by... being sweet! ;):bunny:

 

It's called: MANIPULATION! :D

 

But it's not bad manipulation. You're making you and your spouse happy. The bottomline is: happiness in love is more important to them than to always have things THEIR way. Why not use this premise?

 

Happiness in love is also more important to YOU than having things YOUR way. So you will be more prone to compromising, but it will be your PLEASURE rather than sacrifice.

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