Erhan Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Dear Experts: I am in a very unique predicament that I hope everyone’s knowledge and expertise can aid in my struggle. I am in love at the tender age of 18 with my now ex-girlfriend, who is 17 and still in highschool. I am in college and work full-time as a computer programmer at a local manufacturing firm. Due to my computer talents, I am well-known and renowned throughout the city. I get newspaper, magazine, and internet coverage regularly. Along with the media, I get the attention of many women. My girlfriend and I have gone out for about 18 months. I love her and would never betray her trust. Her last boyfriend, however, cheated on her and she has some trust issues. Recently, we fought over a best friend of mine (female), that she accused me of having feelings for, which I did not. Furthermore, we fought because I hardly get to see her between my time for school and my job. After the argument, we did not break-up or even discuss breaking-up. I decided not to talk to her and let her cool off, so I gave her a week. In the meanwhile, I quit my job because the stress was just too much. The next thing I know, she is completely ignoring all my calls and attempts at contacting her. Finally, after three days of trying to reach her, she picked up one of my calls. She told me that she had moved on with another boyfriend. Keep in mind, that my girlfriend and I were extremely close. I was shocked. After only a week and without discussing breaking-up with me, she had found another guy. Reminding myself she has an insecurity for loneliness, I knew she was doing this to cope with the pain (she has done this once before) . I don’t think she’s being fair to me, herself, or her new boyfriend. She should give herself some time to get over the relationship before rushing into another one, which she has a habit of doing. I really do love this girl and more importantly, I value her friendship. Despite my personal feelings of jealously, anger, and frustration; I have accepted her new boyfriend and decided that friendship lasts longer and I do not want to lose my best friend. Respecting her wishes, she told me it was better if we didn’t talk again because she felt she would be “lingering in the past” and not focusing on moving forward. In the meanwhile, I’m still trying to understand how all this happened over one small argument. She is a very jealous person and the only thing we ever argue about is how I happen to grab the attention of many other women. That’s why I think she gave up; she couldn’t handle the pressure of competition. It gets more interesting. So I figure its time for some damage control. I better not contact her for a couple of months and maybe I can win her friendship back. Two weeks later after not contacting her, I get a threatening call from her dad. Her dad tells me that I should stay away from her daughter because she was only a “child” and that if I ever contact her again he would be sure to make me suffer. In response, I told him that I loved his daughter and wanted to eventually be her friend and asked him what he considered to be a reasonable time not to contact his daughter. He told me six months and I accepted the gentleman’s agreement. Her father manages, but does not own, a car dealership where I happened to buy my car. I want to service my car without interfering with my ex’s work schedule. However, she works right after school, which is the only time I can service my car because I have school as well. I don’t know how I would go about doing this, especially since I feel that her father would be violent with me if he saw me near his daughter. Furthermore, I think my ex would probably cry if she saw me. I really need to service my car while it is still under warranty. =) How would I go about doing this without causing a problem at her job? Also, her birthday is coming up in two weeks. I want to wish her a happy birthday (maybe an anonymous text message) and get her a small gift…is this a bad idea? Finally, I do not want to lose her. I can easily move on if I need to, but this is a person who has consistently been there for me and loved me unconditionally. Even if I lose her as a girlfriend, she is my best friend and I do not want to lose that. What can I do to get her to talk to me and at least be my friend? Right now, I’m just planning on not talking to her for 6 months and letting her new relationship ride out. This is because her father told me not to talk to her for 6 months. Clearly, wishing her happy birthday may violate this, but I know deep down inside, if I don’t wish her happy birthday, it will make her dislike me even more. At the moment, I am very depressed and confused. Is not talking to her for 6 months really the only answer? Is she gone for good? Finally, do I need to just let her go? I can’t believe such a great relationship died after an argument and there was no comprise or discussion involved; furthermore, I’m scared that she may just stick with her new boyfriend and completely forget about me. Her last words before not talking to me was “I don’t know why I keep pushing you away when deep down inside I know I love you” or something to that extent. That’s how the argument ended… I’m about ready to rip my hair out. Damn, I really miss her too.
norajane Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Ok, well, first, don't rip your hair out. Her father manages, but does not own, a car dealership where I happened to buy my car. I want to service my car without interfering with my ex’s work schedule. However, she works right after school, which is the only time I can service my car because I have school as well. I don’t know how I would go about doing this, especially since I feel that her father would be violent with me if he saw me near his daughter. Furthermore, I think my ex would probably cry if she saw me. I really need to service my car while it is still under warranty. =) How would I go about doing this without causing a problem at her job? This would be a great thing to ask her father. Unless there's another dealership you can go to - your warranty is good at any dealership as long as it's the same car maker - at least that's the way it works with VW. I can take it to any VW dealer. Anyway, tell her father what your problem is and ask him what he suggests. Perhaps she has a certain day off and he can tell you when that is and schedule your service for you that day. Also, her birthday is coming up in two weeks. I want to wish her a happy birthday (maybe an anonymous text message) and get her a small gift…is this a bad idea? No anon text messages! That's plain wierd. Maybe when you ask her dad about the service, perhaps you could tell him you'd like to drop off a small gift for her birthday. Don't despair. She's young and has handled this whole thing in an immature way...rebounding to another guy like that before you even broke up and then having her dad run you off with a shotgun (metaphorically) sounds like a girl, not a woman. So, have patience. She may grow up. You may want to date others in the meantime in case she doesn't grow up any time soon.
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