AZ03 Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Ok ill try to make this as short as possible. I started dating this girl when was in mid high school, as was she. We have had the most amazing 3 year realationship anyone could ever ask for. But recently things have been a little different In August this past year, she was in a very serious car accedent, and could have very well lost her brother. She was pretty hurt too, so everyday I would go watch movies with her and keep her positive. After a little while, my roomate got her to play world of warcraft, basically when a girl plays a computer game, shes the center of attention. And this is when the problems somewhat started. It was really the only thing she did all day and night for about 2 months. Since she was playing the game all day, she didnt need me there to occupy her. Since then, we had a talk and she told me she wasent sure what she wanted anymore. I was in shock, because honestly, I would never do a single thing wrong to this girl, and I really never have. So I was like ok, what arent you sure about, and she replies with I dont know. A few days pass, we argue some, she calls me over at about midnight and crys in my arms saying she wants us to be ok. And I said great, I want us to be ok too, but its gonna take work and she says ok, let me just get my life back on track. 3 days later shes back into the I dont really want anything to do with you mode, so ofcourse im upset, but i still try my best to give her space. Eventually I took her to a basketball game, and everything was fine, we were happy and just having a great time. A few days later, back to the same story, just avoids me. I call her out on it and she says she cant do this anymore and I hold her back from so many things (which is 100% false) and she basically breaks up with me, but then decides she wants some more space instead, so ok, i give it to her. Then i asked her if i could take her out sometime over the weekend, with a 4 day advance notice and she says maybe. So saturday comes and she says she had a bad night, sunday come and she said she had a bad night again, I just kept saying aw its ok, maybe tomorrow then. But Monday I get a myspace message from some random guy (one of her warcaft buddies) saying hey if you love your girlfriend so much why do you hold her back, and then wonder why she doesnt want to be with you) So I call her out on it and she does the whole I cant do this anymore deal, and of course it didnt hold up, she just wanted more space, so I gave it to her again. Then a few days later, she said she was going to bed at about 8, so I said goodnight, she signed off, so since im depressed about all this I drive down her street at about midnight just to relive every memory possible from that house, to try and get some motivation to open her eyes, anything at all. Unfortunatly for me, she was coming home from a movie with one of our friends (no shes not cheating, its seriously not a question) and im just thinking, great what timing, she freaks out, saying i seem like a stalker ect. While we are still there she tells me we are done, I start balling my eyes out because I know our relationship just wasent suppost to ammount to this, after every great thing we have ever been through, I am certian its not. So, she says we arent broken up, she just wants a break, a week, so she can find out what she wants, so here I am, neglecting my Job, staying a night in the hospital, and suffering badly because I dont know how I can take it if she wants something different. Is there anything I can do to open her eyes that throwing this relationship is a huge mistake? She was talking about being friends or something, I wasent sure becasue I was crying, but im pretty sure I could never be her friend. I could never look at her the same way and realize what we could have been. So basically this sunday, she said she would hopefully have a decision for me, but she would call me instead just incase all that happend on her drive way again. Help me out guys, I know this doesnt sound like a good girl or anything but I know who she is, how can I get her to realize it? Its just so hard because she was my first everything, we did everything together, learned everything together, and expirenced it all together, and there is no reason for a change right now. If anyone can help me see what she is going through, or how to help her realize the big mistake shes going to make if she leaves me, please help!!!!
hindsfeet Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 sometimes the hardest part of a relationship is the space factor. one cool thing about it though is if you do it right, it brings clarity into the relationship. right now she is not clear on what she wants. she has a lot going on in her head. give her some space. not just the space your thinking youre giving her already, but straight up leave her alone. she needs to clear her head of whatever the crap it is. if you give her space and then call her when you think it has been long enough, it may not had been long enough. i know this doesnt sound like good advice but im being straight. if she likes you and it is meant to be, she needs to decide that for herself with no outside interference from you. dont text her. dont call her. dont go to her house. dont myspace her. leave her alone. she will start to miss you if something is there. and when she is ready, she will call. when she calls, do not jump right back in. be slow because the dust is settling. if you run right back into it youll stir up dust again. in the mean time its really gonna suck, cause you wanna be with her, so what do you do? find something, someone to spend time on. i go lift weights or do music or go write to clear my head. right now you need clarity on this as well. try to focus on you and your actions. be honest with yourself and think about what you could have done differently. this way whenever she knows what she wants, and is back to normal, you can give the relationship what it needs and be better at it. good luck -hindsfeet
tanbark813 Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 She's either dating someone else or is interested in someone else. Probably that guy who messaged you.
Guest Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 I agree with hind, LEAVE HER ALONE, I went through this same BS. My g/f and I had been through a-lot I she called it off; She was so unsure about what she wanted she would tell me a 101 different things, sounds just like your chick. As hard as it was for me I backed off, no it didn't happen in a couple of days it took a while. I realized as soon as I BACKED OFF and started living MY LIFE, and caring less, thats when everything became clear and the "dust settled." It is very hard but give her all the space in the world, if you want another chance, or if you even have one, back up a let her be. Its very true, set her free and if it was meant to be she WILL come back, she is confused, you have to kick back for now and keep yourself busy as possible
suzy61 Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 Right now, I'm right about where your girlfriend is..without the car accident.I don't know what I want, where I'm going;i tell myself endlessly during the day I have to break up with him (for no reason), then the next minute it's like no, I love him, I can't lose him.It's been going on a while.Same time..we were going out 3 years when it started. Give her time and space.I know a lot of people who have gone through the same thing, broken up for a while, and are now back together, long term...living together etc.It's like you reach a watershed point. FYI, mine is my first everything too, and I am for him.I love him to bits, but sometimes I feel like I haven't a clue what to do or where to go, I just want to run away.he's fantastic, a wonderful boyfriend and we are great together, but I just....don't know what I want.So believe me, it'll take as long as it takes...it mightn't be a good idea to put time limits on it,...but you two will be good.
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