WhiteKnight Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Well this is my first post coming here. Thought to seek out new friends and support here from the world. I'm facing a rather hard issue at the moment and not sure what to do. I'll try not to use any names but this is how I will state it... "Mrs V" = ex-fiancee/girlfriend "Mr R" = husband About 12 months ago, I was to become married. I had met this woman down in far south from the country that I live in Australia. I met this person and feel in love with her over the Internet in a chat room through Yahoo which was great and all. I had found myself in a situation that I had fallen in love with a lovely 27 year old woman. And the relationship I had was going well to point before I had found out like two months later I had proposed to her that she was already married. I was deeply hurt and struck in the heart badly when I had found this out. After I had confronted Mrs V... the relationship continued for one week before it deteriated, so we both broke up and tried to remain as friends. Mrs V wanted to try to remain as friends and I tried to but it was falling apart each month... emotionally. In the end, despite breaking up my ex-fiancee, I had found out she was cheating with another guy online from overseas over the net and Mr R is unaware of it. I told the husband (Mr R) upfront about Mrs V cheating behind the husbands back and did not say that she did it with me. Was I wrong to hold back on it? After betraying Mrs V... Mr R told me to leave them alone or "the others will know", about a month later Mrs V wanted to stay in contact with me. I know despite on what I have been through with Mrs V, I really want to make the friendship work out but... I am wrong in being friends with her considering the husband has strictly told me not to contact her or the others will know? Also, I heard rumours from a friend of hers and mine that Mrs V wants to try to heal the friendship but my gut feeling is telling me not to trust her. Also considering her contacting me behind her husband's (Mr R's) back, trying to talk to me in friendship way. One time on voice chat over the net, she addressed me as 'Mum' when her husband was there. So I'm kinda feeling like having second thoughts if I really want the friendship to work out. What should I do in this situation?
Touche Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 This whole thing is strange. Have you ever met her? You say you proposed. And why do you still want to be friends with her with all of these complications? To her this is just a fun pastime. She's not looking for a relationship. Do you see that? But you are so you can't be friends with her anymore.
Author WhiteKnight Posted November 16, 2006 Author Posted November 16, 2006 Hey Touche, yea I have met the person (Mrs V) and the husband (Mr R), which I didn't know at the time in real life. Which is a mixture of both good and bad so to speak. We were in a good relationship for about 6 months and 2 months after that... well that's when I had found out that she was really married. I know that she wants to be friends with me, we sort of trying to isolate how close we were and she has done it to the other guy who she cheated with as well. But in truth, I don't trust her because I have been observing those two are flirting with each other and kept doing things that I was furious about. The guy who I was close friends with... really respected me and understood why so he told me outright that he and her broke up because it was tearing him and her apart emotionally. But of course, I don't trust him either and I told him that. I noticed with Mrs V, she has stayed with the husband which I fully do support... despite breaking up with myself and my friend online. However, she says in some roleplays that she does with the other guy like... 'holding hands' and 'looking into his eyes', followed with some odd *coughs* near nude avatars on her msn. Has raised some eyebrows with a few people and not just me. This is the part that makes me very likely wonder because she wants to stay in contact with me. Though at the same time, it doesn't feel right because of what the husband's warning was with "the other's will know" and I'm not to stay in contact with her. The only reason that I could think of... as in being friends with her, I can say that there is a sci-fi clan we go to. I do act civil though and keep myself very professional based on that but when she, wants to do anything aside from it... like talking to me off topic over the net that is not related to the clan is something I'm weay of. She contacts me over any of the chat lines I use. On top of that, she wants to email or chat to her often. Well I do email her but not like what you are all thinking, I'm emailing her with jokes only... no socialising nothing. As for me, I have been looking at other relationships and tried a couple. Just I never said anything to her about them, otherwords I had kept my mouth shut. More to the point, I said to myself why she had not mentioned to the husband yet that she is still talking to me... that is if she really wants to heal the friendship, shouldn't she tell the husband that? And another part of me, asks myself... 'Is it worth being her friend after trying to heal the friendship that she and I destroyed?', 'And what would happen if husband had truly found out Mrs V was still in contact with me the whole time?' Would I be ruining the relationship between the husband and wife... I know that I hate losing friends but that's why I'm here, seeking support and advice.
Author WhiteKnight Posted November 20, 2006 Author Posted November 20, 2006 Just to update this... I had one chat with her online which I was left rather confused, because the conversation below left me rather annoyed on how she responded to me. Mrs V - "Heylo" Me - "Hello" Mrs V - "just hello?" Me - "*raises eyebrow* Meh I'm just tired, had a bad day." Mrs V - "Sorry to hear it" After having that conversation cut short, I walked away without saying goodbye or anything. So what you think be her expression of "Just hello?" I took it as something like she wants attention. She has been doing this to me for a few days now. Should I just ignore it? There is a part of me just probably wants to let this friendship with this person drift apart. If she really wants my friendship, should I let her decide?
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