My Girlfriend

[AZ03]

Ok ill try to make this as short as possible. I started dating this girl when was in mid high school, as was she. We have had the most amazing 3 year realationship anyone could ever ask for. But recently things have been a little different

 

In August this past year, she was in a very serious car accedent, and could have very well lost her brother. She was pretty hurt too, so everyday I would go watch movies with her and keep her positive. After a little while, my roomate got her to play world of warcraft, basically when a girl plays a computer game, shes the center of attention. And this is when the problems somewhat started. It was really the only thing she did all day and night for about 2 months. Since she was playing the game all day, she didnt need me there to occupy her. Since then, we had a talk and she told me she wasent sure what she wanted anymore. I was in shock, because honestly, I would never do a single thing wrong to this girl, and I really never have. So I was like ok, what arent you sure about, and she replies with I dont know. A few days pass, we argue some, she calls me over at about midnight and crys in my arms saying she wants us to be ok. And I said great, I want us to be ok too, but its gonna take work and she says ok, let me just get my life back on track. 3 days later shes back into the I dont really want anything to do with you mode, so ofcourse im upset, but i still try my best to give her space. Eventually I took her to a basketball game, and everything was fine, we were happy and just having a great time. A few days later, back to the same story, just avoids me. I call her out on it and she says she cant do this anymore and I hold her back from so many things (which is 100% false) and she basically breaks up with me, but then decides she wants some more space instead, so ok, i give it to her. Then i asked her if i could take her out sometime over the weekend, with a 4 day advance notice and she says maybe. So saturday comes and she says she had a bad night, sunday come and she said she had a bad night again, I just kept saying aw its ok, maybe tomorrow then. But Monday I get a myspace message from some random guy (one of her warcaft buddies) saying hey if you love your girlfriend so much why do you hold her back, and then wonder why she doesnt want to be with you)

So I call her out on it and she does the whole I cant do this anymore deal, and of course it didnt hold up, she just wanted more space, so I gave it to her again. Then a few days later, she said she was going to bed at about 8, so I said goodnight, she signed off, so since im depressed about all this I drive down her street at about midnight just to relive every memory possible from that house, to try and get some motivation to open her eyes, anything at all. Unfortunatly for me, she was coming home from a movie with one of our friends (no shes not cheating, its seriously not a question) and im just thinking, great what timing, she freaks out, saying i seem like a stalker ect. While we are still there she tells me we are done, I start balling my eyes out because I know our relationship just wasent suppost to ammount to this, after every great thing we have ever been through, I am certian its not. So, she says we arent broken up, she just wants a break, a week, so she can find out what she wants, so here I am, neglecting my Job, staying a night in the hospital, and suffering badly because I dont know how I can take it if she wants something different. Is there anything I can do to open her eyes that throwing this relationship is a huge mistake? She was talking about being friends or something, I wasent sure becasue I was crying, but im pretty sure I could never be her friend. I could never look at her the same way and realize what we could have been. So basically this sunday, she said she would hopefully have a decision for me, but she would call me instead just incase all that happend on her drive way again. Help me out guys, I know this doesnt sound like a good girl or anything but I know who she is, how can I get her to realize it?

[Guest]

Help please, I dont have a lot of time.

[AZ03]

help please, time is short

[Ssheena]

Nope there is nothing you can do. Just leave her alone for right now do not call, email, drive by her house etc, etc. Just don't do it. She is the only one that can realize what she may or may not be throwing away and the more pressure you put on her, the more she is more than likely going to get mad and pull away from you. Sorry to say, but I think it would be in your best interest to just back off from her. She obviously doesn't want to be blunt with you and say, we are done, over, finite but dragging it out is just going to hurt you more in the long run 'cause right now you are hanging in the wind. Just turn around and say, ok, I accept your decision, it's not what I want but I can't change your mind and then just straighten your shoulders and walk away and be strong. Bad nights??? It sounds like she is hooked in to WOW and believe me, I stayed up myself many many nights way too late playing WOW. It is extremely addicting (it was for me at least) - every free minute I had I would be online.

Good luck with this - it's going to be hard to accept but the fact of the matter is, she doesn't want to be with you right now.

[AZ03]

I know she has a very strong addiction to wow, and the attention has gotten to her, I found a picture comment that she left on one of her myspace friends pictures saying "id hit that sexaaay" and that just shows the lack of respect she has for me right now, I mean we have been so close for 3 years, there is no reason for us to drift apart, sure it may be a joke between those two, but while I cant talk to her this week and shes suppost to be figuring out what she needs this week shes doing that? I cant help but feel there is something I can do, it just seems like shes lost and confused.

[AZ03]

and for the record, its just some wow friend of hers in canada which still has no remote chance of anything happening, if that makes a difference

[Guest]

Funny, I look at these 3 messages, and it got me. Right here. Know what I mean? Been busy, but behold, some things just ain't right! Well tomorrows another day.

 

But I didn't lay down and die, I gathered myself and kept me self busy and conquered alot of errands that I needed to finish. So by This weekend I will finally get them done.

 

Don't lose hope folks, keep yourself busy, get those odds and ends you're feeling, and by joe, you will feel refreshed knowing you got those 'worms back in the can'! It is a better and look up feeling all around.

 

I thank my lucky stars.

 

Have a good nite and a better day. Tomorrow never ends...

[jjmac]

I’ll be brutally honest since that’s what’d I’d expect from people on this forum… You’re being WAY too needy!!!! Crying is ok, but it almost sounds like you’re pressuring her, or trying to guilt her back into a relationship with you. You simply can’t do that, have some self respect and think about what you need… Do you really feel like it’s productive for you to be hurting like you are and taking a back seat to a video game? She says she needs time huh? Well give it to her, leave it open ended, the more you try to communicate a remedy the more you’re pushing her away! If I were in your position I’d be hurt for sure, but I’d also say, “oh you’re not sure about things? Well that’s fine, right now I’m not happy either, why don’t you call me when you’re ready to talk seriously about this.”

 

It’s a video game man, you can only play it so much before the novelty fades, and once that’s gone, if the foundation of your relationship was well fortified ,she’ll be coming back. Just know the more you pressure her, beg, cry in front of her, the more you’re pushing her away. The tough part is, once you break up, getting things back to normal is seldom a success in my experience… Next time you speak let her know you care, also let her know this isn’t working for you and she should give you a call when reality sets back in. Don’t settle for sleepless nights, hospital time, and false hope, you set the rules and set her free, if she loves you, you’re not bothering her, the reality of losing you will hit her, it’s at that point she may or may not be willing to come back, either way you’ll be fine… Things tend to work out as they should…

 

I feel your pain, good luck and please don’t waste years of your life dwelling on this, get out of the house, hang with friends, meet new people… live for yourself, don’t be dependant on a women!

 

Oh on edit, please don't stress about her finding another man via a video game... You say these guys are too far away, but I'm sure you're worried she's going to meet someone... don't worry about it, have you seen the kids who play WOW? Haha, they're smooth talkers until they exit their parents basement... As long as you set some open ended terms, back off, and work on honing your own life she'll contact you... The tough part will be whether or not "YOU'RE," willing to go back.

[AZ03]

Thank you, that helps a lot, but its just hard, She is such a smart girl that this should never even be taking place. It sucks. I love her to death and I know she loves me, I just wonder how long until its all worked out.

[jjmac]

Thank you, that helps a lot, but its just hard, She is such a smart girl that this should never even be taking place. It sucks. I love her to death and I know she loves me, I just wonder how long until its all worked out.

 

I know how you feel, no doubt it's hard, and by the sound of it, it's going to be REAL hard... Just think about what you're going to say, based on what you say I'm going to assume something like, "I love you but this really isn't working for me right now, god knows I want to be with you but right now I'm going to do my own thing... if you decide we're worth it my door is always open to discuss it," would be good. Then just go no contact until she calls, and she will call if she does in-fact, "love you..." As much as it'd suck, if she moves on, honestly, you're better off.

 

When you feel like you're about to pick up the phone when you're going no contact, call a friend or something, just don't call her, because it'll just prolong getting closure... Maybe she misses you and is a day away from cracking and calling you, but you called... now she's like, "oh he's still there waiting, I've got all the time in the world to string him along."

 

Hope that helps man... best of luck... let us know

[AZ03]

Well last night (friday) I tried to call her mom, because I wanted to just call her mom and thank her for everything she had ever done for me and let her know I really appreciated it just incase we didnt work out. Mom doesnt answer the phone, I tried her moms cell, the the house once more. Then my phone rings and its my girlfriend yelling at me telling me I dont need to call her family and they dont want to hear about our problems. I told her that it was not her decision who I need to call, but whatever, and havent talked since.

[Kamille]

This woman no longer is your girlfriend, sorry to say. The reason is simple: you shouldn't accept that a woman you call your girlfriend treats you this way.

 

You are broken up.

 

AZ, since you've met her in middle school, I am thinking that this is probably your first serious relationship. And must be your first heartbreak.

 

Welcome to the world of broken hearts. I seriously believe the first one is the hardest. And it is hard, but we all get through it.

 

But here are a few pointers for the ride:

 

1) No amount of contact will make her want you back.

 

Or to answer your question: you are not going to be able to convince her that she is throwing away something special by contacting her.

So stop contacting her. Avoid places (and websites) where you know she will be.

Don't buy the she needs space argument. She doesn't. She's no into you anymore. She's stringing you along - or trying to let you down gently or is too much of a coward to commit to a break up. Whatever her excuse, get out.

 

2) You may feel like you will never get over it. You will. It takes time and dedication.

 

After my first heartbreak I thought I was going to lose it. I woke up crying, would sit on the couch listening to sad music mopping for hours. I would try to figure out what I could have done to make things work, what I could still do to make things work. And as much as I wanted to stop doing that, I just couldn't help myself. This lasted for a month, until my roomate took away all my sappy cds and made me a 'music to cheer you up' cd. (What a great friend!)

Now I have a breaking up regime: Take care of yourself. Go to the gym, work out. Avoid sad songs. Start a new project-hobby. It really helps.

And now I make my own getting over it playlists. I highly recommend it.

Hang out with friends. Pick one friend who is willing to be your break-up buddy. When you're feeling tortured, talk things out with him or her (this is also where LS becomes handy).

Know that you will eventually feel better and be patient with yourself. Some days are harder then others. Hell, some minutes are harder then others in the first few weeks.

 

A broken heart is like a bad flu: at first you thing you will never get better, then you start seeing the light but you're still tired and beat up and finally you end up coughing for weeks on end after.

 

But with a broken heart, you will learn a lot about yourself.

[AZ03]

Well, she officially broke up with me today, and I figured out why. I was always strongly against drinking. She is 19, she cant drink anyways, but all kids have terribly easy access. Within minutes of breaking up with me her myspace changes to single, and from smoke/drink no/no to no/yes, I guess she wants to go out and party rather the have a 3 year relationship. She said she just needs to do her own thing, and that shes not good enough for me, just a cop out in my opinion. But at first I was a wreck, but ive been talking with a new friend of mine and i feel alot better now, thanks guys and girls for all your input and support, best of luck to you with the ones you love

[Ssheena]

I hate myspace. I'm sorry that you have been hurt. Best of luck and swift healing to you too.