Guest Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Ive read tons of accounts of this happening on breakup boards thru out the years, but.....never thought i'd be going thru it. A quick rundown of my breakup for those who haven't read my posts. She had a teaching job and owned a business. Once that started she was super busy and it drove us apart. For a month we stayed friends, she called me every few days for no reason. We talked as friends. Texted back and forth a few times too. Then out of the blue she calls and says "i dont have that spark anymore, i dont see it happening. I dont want to be in a relationship with you" So the next week I see her at a concert. She comes up to my seat and says hi. All at once what she said to me the week before, along with the month long of calling me, and texting me, made me angry and I just went off, told her off. The next couple days were filled with nasty texted to each other. So she sent me one told me to F-off, be a man and this and that. and i left it at that. Figured we'd never speak again..... I began seeing a girl from work. A girl I like, but admittedly not as much as I did my ex. I was feeling good about moving on, cuz it never usually happens for me this fast. Usually its months of depression and heartache. Then, last saturday night I come home (with that girl) after a night out and get this message from my ex on the computer "I know you probably dont care but I thought I'd tell you made me realize what I was missing. I got engaged last night!! Great Job, I'm soooo happy. He actually knows how to treat a girl. 1 karot (I assume the ring) iz love!!" I was completely stunned. I knew she was with a guy a few years ago for about 6 years but they broke up about 2 years ago. And someone said they may have been engaged. So i assume it was him. But even so, 6 weeks later and its enough to know u want to marry this person. 2 years after being apart??? I wasn't sure what to think as I was stunned, hurt, but also at the same time home with a girl. So, it being the weekend, I was with my friends for two days and was having too much fun worry about it, i just kind of laughed it off cuz its so crazy.... Then my work week started, and I began to think it over. Im not sure if it hurts or not...i mean it does, but I dont know. I thought for sure i was moving on, new attitude, new girl, now this. Im back to my old, "what if" stages, and being sad, and thinking, "wow, maybe this wouldnt have happend if I didnt drive her away by being so mean to her 2 weeks ago" back to my old ways i thought I'd gotten over. I mean this is a girl who broke up with me cuz her schedule was so busy with her business and other job. But she has time for a husband?? This is a girl who 2 weeks ago went off about how immature I was being, but this is about the 4 time over the course of the breakup I've stopped responding to her and cut of contact. Only to have her either text or call for the dumbest of reasons. And here she is "miss mature" feels the need after 2 weeks that i havent responded to her last text message to IM me and rub it in my face that she's soooo happy. and that i was the one that made her realize what she needed. I mean for a month I kissed her @ss trying to be friends and fix a relationship. But she shuts me down, i get angry and tell her off, so in those 2 weeks I made her realize she needs to be married?? This is such a weird situation for me. I have no idea what to think. She never came off as a person to act this way. But intentionally rubbing it in my face was really shocking to me that she woudl do that. Especially since I quit talking to her a few weeks ago. She must really hate me. the next day I just sent her one back that said "You're right, I dont care. Congratulations. I've moved on, see ya" I feel I did the right thing but im afraid I havent moved on. If i had moved on I wouldn't be feeling crappy and lost. This girl from work really really likes me, and I like her, im just not sure how into her I am. Definitely not as much as I was my ex and that concerns me. You cant be moving on when you admit that. Im not sure what to think or how to act. Im heartbroken, hurt, confused, not so hurt, and happy all at once. What is up????
stillafool Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 I think she is deliberately trying to make you jealous. My ex did that to me after he became engaged to my surprise. You should email her back and say "Congratulations on your engagement. I'm glad I had a positive effect on your life. I wish you and your fiancee all the best for a happy future. God bless and take care of yourself." I guarantee that response will drive her crazy - it did my ex and he couldn't handle my aloofness regarding his engagement. She obviously still cares about you or she'd be so happy she wouldn't want to do mean things like rub her engagement in your face.
littlekitty Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Personally I'd be thankful you've got rid of her!! I mean what a nasty mean spirited thing to do. And anyway, if she's stupid enough to get engaged to anyone after 2 weeks, then she clearly doesn't deal with relationships in an adult and rational way. I think your only issue is to decide if you are really ready for a new relationship or not? It would be cruel to lead the new girl on if you aren't really over the ex.
bluebabe_95 Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Dear guest, I think you owe it to yourself to go out and have fun. It's ok to be sad and depressed but don't let it go over a week. You're ex probably has her reasons why she's doing what she's doing but there really is no sense wondering why she did it because it's going to let you more confused and depressed. I always believe that if 2 people are meant for each other, no matter what happens now or in the future, you guys will always find each other. In the meantime, enjoy life as it should be. Go out with the girl who likes you. It will take your mind off things and who knows, this girl might treat you better than your ex. It's usually normal to have your ex as a benchmark for all future dates but you'll be surprised because there will be one person who could surpass those qualifications. I am undergoing a tough breakup too but I take things one baby step at a time. I get mini-depressions during the day but I always look forward to being back in a happy mood. Because it feels better to smile than to frown.
asnath Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 i am sorry to say, your ex does not respect you and how you are feeling at all, it could be she is cutting her nose to spit her face. she does not know what she really wants and such people are danger to your life, she is one woman who is scared to be alone, jumping from one relationship to the other, i am sorry, for me its an act of chlidishness and stupidity, it shows she doesnt apply her mind and she has no depth, so you are better off without her, close that chapter of your life for good, you dont need her or rather, she does not deserve a man like you. you might say its easy to say, i am from the same relationship of 9 years whereby i literally threw my life for my ex and he did the same nonsense, i got a wake up call and realised my worth and my value, i decided to close the chapter just like you i started seeing some one in the office its not been long but things are looking good, though we will always have issues but its how intelligently and mutually we resolve them, give this woman in the office a chance............!
Guest Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 I understand what you all are sayign but its so so hard to just say "screw her, and never think of her again" I thought i was well on my way to doing that, but since i got that message, it had the effect she probably wanted, set me back big time. Then i was fine once again this weekend, my friends and I were out to a bar we NEVER go to, my buddy gets up to go to the bathroom and at the exact same time he turns the corner these people are at a table and he over hears one person say "did you know (my ex's name) is getting married?" I mean talk about odds. The thing is, I havent really been responding to her messages. Since the beginning of the breakup. The day after she broke up wtih me she sent me a message that said she checked her computer about 10 times that day and didnt hear from me. I waited a few days and finally contacted her. All thru the breakup i wanted to give her the space she asked for so i didnt call. Every so often she would call for no reason. Then after she told me she didnt want to be with me anymore, I started that big argument at the concert. She sent me a text that said I was so low and immature. I didnt respond. THe next day she IM's me and says She cant believe how I acted and it really hurt her feelings. I didnt respond till the next day I sent her a nasty one back. She sent me another mean text. I left it at that for 2 weeks until out of the blue she sent that IM about being engaged. Over the course of our relationship she became good friends with all my friends girlfriends. Even after the breakup they all talked to her, which didnt bother me as long as they didnt bring her around, and they all went out with her on their girls nights. For a few weeks she hadn't called any of my friends gf's. I talked to my best friend last night, and he told me out of the blue she texted his girlfriend and said she wanted to get the girls night goin again this thursday and that she "had a lot to talk about" His gf just told her we have a football game to watch so no. I can see how she comes off you to u people on here. But she has never acted liek this, or been the type of person to act like this before. She was always very down to earth, smart, and for the most part, mature. She has a job, a business, and now an engagement to keep her busy. Shouldnt she be worrying about that, instead of sending me a message to rub it in, and shouldnt she be concerned with hanging out with HER friends, instead of mine?? Maybe she is just getting me back for being insulting to her?? I dunno. I hate that this breakup took such a terrible terrible free fall. I mean 6 weeks ago we were laying on the couch together and she was telling me how lucky she is. And now its come to this. She didnt seem nuts, as some of you say, before. I just dont get it. It hurts, of course, but its also very very confusing and thats what is keeping me from just "forgetting about her and letting this go"
asnath Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 we can all give you, all the advise we have in the world, you are the one who knows what you really want and what drives you in a relationship, but i am still saying if a woman has no respect for you forget it, its not worth the trouble. give it some time you will heal with time....................good luck.
Krying Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 I hope it gets better for you asnath. My ex was married to her ex 3-4 weeks after leaving me, so at least in your situation, she's only engaged. Small consolation I know, but many engagements don't run the full course. What it really comes down to I think, is that if she was truly over you and truly didn't love or like you, she wouldn't be trying to contact you. So I can see why it's confusing. For me, I kid you not, one day we are looking at wedding bands, and the next freaking day, she leaves me. Only you know what's in your heart and how you are feeling for this girl. If you love her, it's not going to make matters of leaving her behind easy. Also, I'm not a believer of at the "if you love them, set them free" thing. If you truly love someone, you will fight and give you life for that person. So if you're anything like me, don't regret not trying to get her back or telling her how you feel. I'd rather be rejected and kicked to the curb, than to wonder what if.
Trialbyfire Posted November 20, 2006 Posted November 20, 2006 Who knows why people do things on the rebound. Many rebound engagements or marriages fall through. It was cruel of her to taunt you with it but then, we don't know what you said to her the night you went off on her. Be glad that you've found a nice person at work and have the potential for a more positive relationship. Good luck.
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