Tomtabear Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Two days ago I found out my H only has probably two to three months to live at the rate he's going as said by the doc. I've had to be strong for his kids and brother because I am the one caring for him now along with the help of hospice. My EA I ended. I still love him and he said he does love me but is unwilling to leave his W. He told me I knew that in the beginning. He is a married man. With our age difference he said I'm still a little girl and have my whole life ahead of me. I just ended it yesterday and have not heard from him since. I feel so depressed with everything going on in my life. I know I've caused my own problems. I keep feeling the tears coming but I have yet to break down. I work with the MM and will soon have to go back to work. I've been staying with my husband to get him settled because he is now at home. I really thought when my MM said he loved me that he meant it. It started out as friends with benefits but grew to so much more at least I thought it had. We spent time together many times without having s@x. He even slipped up one night and told me he could make love to me all night. I asked if he was changing the definition and he said or f@#! you. But with all my heart and soul it felt right. He also told me he knew if something happened to my H I would date again and wouldn't wait for him every two or three weeks to come around and that I was leaving to ____ anyway if something happened to my H. Maybe that was just an easy way out for him to try and change things around like that. And avoid hurting me. Even my boss said one day he was lovestruck. They had no idea about us. My heart hurts so bad I am in agony over everything. Why am I so stupid?
Jane Doe Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 You're not stupid. You're overwhelmed and facing situations you're ill-equipped to handle. I believe 100% you should be by your husband's side. Otherwise the guilt will eat away at you for a long time to come. Make his last days here comfortable and make him feel loved and safe. You won't regret it. Do that regardless of the MM. Do it because you're a compassionate human being. For your husband's sake, please try to get the MM out of your mind. Your husband will sense you're not there with him emotionally and he deserves your time and attention right now. My heart goes out to him. I pray yours will too.
whichwayisup Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Focus on your husband as he needs you most right now. You need to make these upcoming months as happy and fulfilling. Surround yourselves with close friends and family. And, as for the MM, forget about him. He has chosen to stay with his wife and not pursue anything more with you. At work, keep it professional and only deal with him when you have to. No personal dicussions.. Some one on one therapy might help you cope better with everything that is going on in your life.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Some one on one therapy might help you cope better with everything that is going on in your life. T: You should really listen to this advice...I fear that you are very close to despair, if you aren't already there...you need help to deal with this...please don't be afraid to ask for help...
lasan Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Tomta. I just wanted to lend you some support. I went through exactly what you are going through. (I didn't get the timeline, but I did have a spouse that died suddenlly.) He is going to need alot of support. Please make sure you have the proper support. I also suggest getting some counseling to help you deal with all that is going on. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Spinderella Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 The MM was probably a big emotional escape for you. Perhaps, as hard as it might sound, it is better that it is ending now, and you will have to force yourself to be focussed on your h. Hard as it must be to watch someone that you love die, you will be glad later that you were fully there with him. Please get counselling or alternative sources of strength (healthy ones, not MM), to help you to deal with this. Peace x
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